QUARANTINE LIFE: ACCESS

I opt out of notifications, and I'm not glued to the messaging features on any of the social media apps I use. It's not unusual for me to get a "Check your inbox" post. Inboxes are usually chock full of scams, spam, and group messages started by a well-meaning someone who never checks the truth of a story before frantically sharing it.

I like social media, but it can be work if you allow it. 

Like Wordle and Semantle, for me, social media is an informative, fun distraction that I won't allow to become a chore. Engagement is nice, but optional. On occasion, it’s best to just read and scroll on by. Sometimes you feel like an app, sometimes you don’t.

I did check my inbox the other day, and among the usual junk that gets deleted, was a message that was only hours old. Before I could respond, another, less pleasant message followed. I guess I hadn’t moved fast enough. The second message may as well have read:

"I KNOW you saw my message because this app is a blabber-mouthed busybody that tracks our activity, and now I'm all in my feelings because I saw that you took the time to say "Happy Birthday" to 92 people, watch a video, and like 17 posts, so I know you had to see MY message. I sent it 10 minutes ago, and it's 10 minutes later, and you still haven't said anything, so I'm just going to conclude that you're ignoring me, you inconsiderate jerk. Have a nice life".

😐

😳

🤐

Oh, the things you could say, but don’t, because you were raised right.😂

It was one of those snarky kind of messages, that make you further delay your response until you process how, or even if you want to respond. What was the urgency?

One of the things the pandemic has done, is limit the amount of direct engagement and access to yourself and others. If you’re engaging people on purpose, it may be because they’re kind, encouraging, respectful, and drama-free. With the absence of conflict, unhealthy stress, and disagreement, you can lull yourself into a blissful cocoon that views any unexpected discourse as problematic agitation. When every other exchange has been smooth and easy, you tend to like it that way.

If there’s business to handle, and you don’t have mechanisms in place where people can find answers on their own, the only way they’re going to get the information they need or want, is to confront or ask you. If you don’t really want to be bothered, even the most tame question can seem annoying, and curiosity can seem like impatience. Social media allows for breaches of the boundaries you’ve set, as well as inquiries that are potentially pleasant and profitable. In an effort to keep negative elements out, you have to make sure you’re allowing positive elements in.

I took a breath, then responded to the initial, friendlier message. How tactfully and soberly you reply can determine whether people are serious about what they want, or just want to waste your time.

Passive aggressive comments

Bullying

Impatience

Guilt trips

Too familiarity

Unreasonable expectations

Demands

Nosiness

Procrastination

Asking questions that a quick Google search could answer, while holding a supercomputer in one's hands

These are some of the exhausting things that probably aren't welcomed much in these pandemic streets. Adopting any of those behaviors won't guarantee you an audience--at least not the timely kind you want.

Getting back to normal, for some people, unfortunately means resuming their gleeful penchant to control the movements, thoughts, plans, time, and resources of others, but the bossy and impatient among us are in for a rude awakening. Peace preservation has become critical. Learning how to utter an effective "No" has, too.

The pandemic has been brutal for so many. I doubt if anyone is seeking out, or missing pre-pandemic stress, drama, or nonsense. Whatever is willingly added or reintroduced to daily lives, as the pandemic ebbs and flows (but is hardly over), won't be headache-inducing, time-wasting, or resource-depleting. Many have discovered the joy of doing what they want, when, with whom, for whom, and at what pace they want. People are embracing what brings fulfillment, contentment, and harmony even if there’s work involved.

Social media has made access seem easy, but it still has to be granted. It is not a right. If you have it, don’t abuse it. Never act as if people work for you, owe you their time, are on your clock, or don't have priorities of their own. Your emergency may not be considered such a big deal to someone else. The time you've carved out to engage, may not be feasible for someone else. Everyone’s not attached to their devices.

I know people who will text all day long, but don't want to talk, while others tire of texting mid-text, feel their point can better be communicated through talking, and will simply call. You have to respect that. People are on conference calls and in Zoom meetings. We’re more connected than ever, but that doesn’t mean automatic access.

Some messages require a nuanced or detailed response. At least give people time to draft it. If they don't respond immediately, it’s possible they're not ready to answer, just didn't see what you sent yet, or don’t intend to.

If you're one of those people who stalks social media to see if people are online, and then uses that as a determining factor as to when, or how quickly you should be acknowledged, cut it out. You might find yourself waiting, or in a constant state of offense if you minimize the importance of the activities in which others are engaged. Even if they're doing absolutely nothing, it's still up to them when, how, and whether they will respond. Don't make people sing the praises of caller ID, or any of the other numerous ways to filter, block, hide, erase, or mute unwanted conversations.

How you approach, and talk to people is key to the strength and continuation of relationships, whether they're friendly, familial, or business. Reading negative stuff into everything, and jumping to conclusions, cause you to throw shade where none belongs. Your tone and attitude can determine whether you'll enjoy meaningful, consistent access at all. Endeavor to hear yourself--honestly--before others do. Read before you press "send". Ask yourself, "If I received this message I’m about to send, would I be anxious to reply, or would I delete it?"

Some people will graciously call your attention to your tone, so you don't continue swiping at everyone who doesn't live up to your expectations. Others will simply shut down, keep their distance, and hope you figure out where the problem lies.

These days, extend the same grace and patience to others that you demand for yourself. No one needs permission to preserve their peace. Entertaining drama comes with a premium, and most people would rather not deal with it at all— particularly when it comes to the things they enjoy, and definitely not in a pandemic.