It's quite nice to be where you want to be, doing what you want to do--even if it's nothing at all.
For many people, things that may have been interesting, exciting, appealing, or a priority yesterday, may not be so today.
It's odd. Maybe it's a result of the passing of time, but you almost wish you could care more about certain things. You may even wonder, briefly, when you stopped caring, or if you ever did. There’s no pretending when you’ve simply outgrown a thing, when your tastes, patience, or tolerance have shifted, or you've merely grown tired of what’s required to engage.
It may puzzle others why you're not enthusiastic when they cheerfully bring things to your attention. Why wouldn’t they assume that you care? It may surprise or offend others, however, when you’re not as eager as you used to be to do certain things, engage in certain conversations, entertain certain people, or go certain places.
But why? Surely something is wrong with you! Oh no! Are you getting... old? Maybe you're just being truer or kinder to yourself, preserving your peace, respecting your own boundaries, or, like my elders used to say, "following your first mind".
Perhaps you’ve turned your attention elsewhere. You weigh what some things involve, and make an executive decision for yourself. It’s not about stamina or finances. You just don't want to, and that's okay. Your disposition may even shock you. It's not apathy or hate, inability or insecurity, judgment or contempt, fright or apprehension, denial or dishonesty. There’s no need to explain, lie, or craft a believable excuse. You just don't want to. One of the perks of being a adult is that you don't have to. Of course, an ongoing global pandemic makes some decisions heck of a lot easier to make.
Attempts to make you invest in what's important to others, but inconsequential to you, are futile now. You’re happy where you are--doing what feeds you, and what brings you contentment--perhaps for the first time in a long while. You’re neither bored, antisocial, nor depressed. You're satisfied. You like and cherish the peace you enjoy. You don't begrudge others the opportunity to make choices for themselves. It's the guilt-infused, manipulative attempts to make you feel as if you’re foolish, selfish, lazy, out of touch, or uncommitted that are funny. It’s the insistence that you are somehow missing some life-changing opportunity that makes you laugh, too. There was a time when people would shame and clown others for being irresponsible. Now it's the other way around. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never" make me gamble with my health just to earn the approval of anyone who is cavalier with theirs.
We've all had time to conduct a sober examination of what was once considered normal. The inability to engage in it safely and securely currently drives your lack of desire to get “back” to whatever "normal" was. One of the lessons of the pandemic is that some things were never "normal" in the first place.
Forward (which entails the spaces and places where you, your needs, and well-being are valued), is much more appealing.
Does your presence suddenly make a situation credible, or does it confirm it’s stupidity—and solidify yours? Lately, it seems that lots of people are dying to be wrong, and dying to prove others wrong in a frantic effort to get back to “normal”.
I imagine that a lot has changed for many people in these past two years. Some changes were unexpected or forced, while others were necessary--a gift, even. What may have been a no-brainer prior, and up to March 2020, either takes a considerable amount of thought and prayer today, or a simple dose of common sense.
Bittersweet though it may be, a “No, thank you” comes easy these days.
A “Yes” is a good indication that a plan is best laid, comes with respect for the severity of the pandemic, a non-negotiable premium, clarity, and definitely, no stress.
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