FRIDAY THOUGHTS: WHAT YOU SAY

It seems that, each day, internet users are facing and embracing the notion that there is no such thing as privacy.

As we cruise along the Information Superhighway, icily spewing, or gently sharing our thoughts, opinions, ideas, and images, we are not alone. 

Clicking "send", "enter", "save", or "post" seems to be taking its place among others of life's critical decisions. 

Every day someone's actions and words are landing them in piping-hot you-know-what. 

Once they're mired in it, they need help getting out. They need protection from the faceless masses manning laptops and smartphones. 

Who keeps the latest round of keyboard-happy, offended human beings from being restless, appalled, retaliatory, and poised to comment with ever-increasing venom and snarky-ness? 

"Who you gonna call" when your thoughts aren't between you and your intended recipient, but you and all of cyberspace?

"What You Say, Think and Believe When You Assume You're Among Like-minded People and No One Else Is Listening" is oozing through computer screens like "The Blob". 

I am particularly amused by those who, in the aftermath of an attack of verbal diarrhea aimed at Black people, seek counsel from the good Reverends Jackson and Sharpton. Respected as they are, it's funny how people obviously think the two of them have Moses-like power to turn the heads and govern the thoughts of the entire Black population. 

People think it's their job to weed out the troublemakers, and facilitate the laying down of weapons--verbal or otherwise. 

Those who find themselves branded racists because of their racist comments, also seem to think that those two aforementioned, iconic men of the cloth, have Hitler-like power to brainwash Black folks into sheer anarchy.

I'm on the sweet side of 50 and I STILL haven't found the secret meeting place where all Black folk assemble to vote on what we all like or hate, support or reject. Where is this hallowed convention where we go to decide who's the designated Wizard of Black Oz? Who are the appointed apology investigators who mete out pardons and mercy for us all? 

It's sad and telling when people think that members of a particular ethnic group all share a collective brain whenever: 

Someone says or posts something in jest. 

Someone deliberately berates someone else in an email, or in private. Someone is overheard via a live mike, an open door, or a phone in speaker mode.

 

Loose lips are betraying speakers and writers every day, and messy talebearers (and hackers) don't mind sharing with us all. 

When the you-know-what hits the internet fan, some Chatty Kathies or Typing Tessies, skip introspection and sincere remorse and move immediately into panic mode. 

"Hey. I might actually need the person or people I've criticized, demeaned, ridiculed,  misjudged, deceived, spitefully used, or embarrassed".  

"Oops. My employment may be compromised! Did I forget I have a job and am a representative of a business that depends upon the very consumers I've offended?"

It doesn't take people long to realize how difficult it is to operate with more than one face in our unfiltered social networking climate. Anticipating backlash (particularly a drastic loss of revenue, public embarrassment, or the severing of critical personal or working relationships). offenders make a frantic switch into damage-control mode. They then hunt for the person who they think is the peacekeeping mouthpiece of everyone else. Surely that person will bring calm and understanding. Everyone will join internet hands, take up internet brooms, and sweep the hurtful words under the internet rug. 

Unfortunately, the person they choose as savior may serve to expose just how out of touch, narrow minded, and woefully ignorant they really are. 

It's amazing, surprising, and even a bit frightening when people think you always and instinctively take your moral and intellectual cues from total strangers just because they're functioning with a bit more melanin. When someone says something incredibly stupid, who do they call to gain redemption? Here's an idea: Seek the individual or individuals one has offended, but don't make it a habit.

I suppose a person WOULD be "ready to heal" once the extent of their disdain of others is exposed. Why wouldn't someone take full responsibility for the opinions they form, the filters they ignore, the games they play, or the tact they choose not to employ? 

When they're caught and confronted with undisputed, albeit improperly obtained, proof, what is it for which they are sorry? 

Is it for being exposed or being jerks?

Some are quite sincere, but many apologies are tricky, especially the variety issued while one is furiously backpedaling and covering one's behind. It's a multitask that fails miserably. Some apologies are reduced to mere optics, and trotted out when people realize they've been snared in their own webs of manipulation, deceit and shadiness.

It takes a lot of nerve to depend upon or expect the assistance of those one has mistreated in order to be freed from one's own tightly woven snare. Gratitude and change is in order when one is forgiven, not business as usual.
I'd prefer that people stop apologizing for how they feel, and what they do and say, particularly if they don't mean it. If the only change on the horizon is yet more apologies crafted in different ways, good luck with forging healthy, lasting, trusting relationships, harmonious homes, and productive workplaces.

Ah, those smiling faces. It's so much better to know where people stand, even if their stances aren't favorable. At least you're not blindsided, disappointed, forming doomed alliances, or constantly dragging yourself out from underneath buses.

Perhaps the citizens of cyberspace should revisit grandmotherly advice:
"Every action has consequences."
"Put yourself in their shoes".
"Think before you speak."
"Do the right thing the first time."
"Mind your own business."
"If you don't want it known, keep your mouth shut."
"Tell the truth, and you won't have to think up a lie."
"If it doesn't come out in the wash, it will come out in the rinse".