A SOUVENIR?

A friend offered me a ride into the city from Seabrook after a studio session yesterday. I was sure I would hop on a train or into a cab immediately after exiting her car, but I decided to take a walk instead. I was in such a good mood, and the weather was mild.
As I approached a convenience store, I decided to go in and check out the produce. I saw some very nice plums and decided on them. As I walked the aisles I picked up some olive oil, popcorn, and some Dove soap, too. When I got to the register, the cashier told me the total. I didn't have the exact amount so I gave the cashier 2 bills. She printed my receipt and counted my change. When she turned to me I noticed she had the bulk of my change in one hand, had separated out 1 dollar, and was dangling it in her other hand. In my head I was thinking, "Ma'am, I'm going to need you to reunite that dollar with the rest of his friends". She smiled and asked in a lilting Latin accent, "Wouldn't you like to purchase a MegaMillions ticket with THIS dollar? It's up to 500 million dollars. I know you could use that kind of money!" I thought it was funny that she had to advertise it. It was funnier how she had my dollar waving in the air as if it was destined to land in the cash register and never see the inside of my wallet. Maybe she thought I was funny AND odd for coming into the store and not even asking about a lottery ticket. Was I the only person who had walked into the store and actually gone past the register without trying to see how lucky I might be? Yep. I really, really came in to look at the fruit, and of course, popcorn is always a good purchase--any time, any where.
I don't play the lottery. It's not even something I think about. I'd heard the broadcast news and read social networking posts, but buying a lottery ticket was the farthest thing from my mind as I strolled down Georgia Avenue. When I heard, "Sure. Why not.", I almost asked, "Hey! Who said that? That sounded like MY voice!"
Uh...It was...

She printed out the ticket, wished me well, and told me to come back anytime. I put it in my bag and continued my walk. If you paid me, I couldn't tell you the name of the store.
For me, casually surrendering the dollar was harmless, thoughtless. It was my non-tax deductible contribution to DC Public Schools or whatever else politicians say lottery money supports. I didn't stand there pondering my salvation, or considering the political, social, or economic implications. It was NOT, the beginning of a resource-draining habit. I really gave it no thought. I've been thinking about it today. Yes. I could have done a lot of other things with that dollar.
Yes. I'm a Christian. I know.
"The just shall live by faith." I know. I do.
I shouldn't gamble. I know. I don't.
Tithing is the way. I know. I'm a witness.
Gambling has destroyed people, families, relationships. I know. I read.
I could have said, "No thank you." I know. I didn't.
I could have bought another bag of popcorn.
*sigh*

Acts 3;19 WOULD be the passage of scripture that caught my eye today: "Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord."

*sigh*

Help me Rafiki. "It's in the past."

It occurred to me, "You bought a lottery ticket. YOU and your no-lottery-playing, betting-casino-going self. I could almost see "YiaYia" from those hilarious Athenos Greek Yogurt commercials jump out of some bushes, shake her head at me and say in her deadpan way, "You are going to Hell".
I know. it's not that deep. But I did ask myself, "What if you actually win?"
It's a huge "what if" but I really have wondered today. Maybe that's a huge part of the problem with the whole gambling thing. Maybe it's not just the money that people waste, but the time spent wondering "What IF" and not concentrating on what IS.
Still, I wondered, and there ARE some things I definitely would do immediately if my bank account was suddenly enlarged exponentially. There's a hard working young woman who calls me Mom. I'd like to see her living in the neighborhood she says would be most suitable for her long commute to work. I'd like to make some student loans disappear. There are three people I would love to see in more accessible homes. One level. No stairs. And those walk in showers/tubs in their bathrooms...There's a hoarding situation. I'd like to remove the person to more humane living conditions, have the place completely sanitized, remodeled, refurnished and pay for counseling if that's needed. There's an addicted woman I would love to send to a reputable rehab that is known for its success stories. There's a friend who left everything to go and care for her ailing mother. There's a certain church that would no longer have to call itself homeless. There are some family members who deserve to go to college. I'd even landscape my street and make sure there was grass everywhere grass is supposed to be. I'd finance arts programs in my neighborhood schools. There's the Lisner Home in NW, the Congress Heights Senior Wellness Center. There's a music enthusiast who, I think, could use a building so his home can be his home. I'd buy paint and canvas and paint up a storm...

There's a lot I would do. In the meantime, I and the people who know me will still be in shock, and even laugh that I let that nice cashier talk me out of my dollar.
Wait. Maybe it's not merely a lottery ticket after all. It says "commemorative". Says it right on the front in big letters. See? That makes it a...a souvenir! That's it! Yes! I bought a souvenir!
Okay. I know. I live here. I didn't buy it in Paris or Kalamazoo. People buy souvenirs in their own hometowns all the time, don't they? Well...don't they?
I have a souvenir of the world's largest jackpot. It's a weak explanation that I can't even convince myself to fall for, but that's my story to soothe my church girl guilt, and I'm sticking with it. I'll let you know if it works out after the winning numbers are read, and they match the ones I'm not supposed to be looking at.
*sigh*...
Gotta find some sackcloth and ashes to go with my souvenir.