I don't have a son.
I have nephews, though.
When I think of Trayvon Martin, I immediately think of them.
They are young Black males, born and living in America.
They are well behaved, smart, helpful, and polite, but to some people even the youngest one is a potential, future threat.
I know there is nothing dangerous about any of them.
While they are being encouraged to excel in school, consider professions, and make positive contributions to society, somewhere there is a jail cell being prepared that many people believe they are destined to occupy.
When they go into Circle K or Toys R Us, someone expects them to steal.
There are places where some people don't think they belong at all.
In the minds of some, they are supposed to grow up and become, among other things, unemployable, illiterate, deadbeat dads, rapists, dropouts, drug dealers or drug users.
The only good some people think they are, and will be up to, is NO good.
Who has set this precedent? Why do Black baby boys come into this world faced with such doubt, disdain, and low expectations?
How will they ever live it down even when they are provided every opportunity to fare well?
I remember hearing my sister telling her eldest grandson, "You are not going anywhere with me looking like that."
He had to either change his clothes, or not go out with her.
Her grandsons know that there's attire that is suitable for traveling with Grannie.
Sagging pants, backward caps, uncombed hair, or cut-off, dirty, dingy anything will not do. There's a standard that supersedes style.
Call Grannie old-fashioned, un-hip, or unreasonable, but if they want to get into her car, they heed the words and follow the requirements of someone who has lived a little bit longer than they have.
It may be unfair, but she knows how they will be perceived regardless of their attire.
She doesn't want them to give anyone even the slightest notion that they are trouble.
It's exhausting how much time Black people spend trying to make other people comfortable.
People have been awfully diplomatic, even dishonest in the last few weeks, but the people who dare to say that certain apparel IS associated with certain seedy activities, have been raked over the coals.
We tell our children that first impressions are important; how they present themselves is vital, then we defend styles that even WE readily associate with criminals.
I recently read an article in which Geraldo Rivera pointed out the perception that certain attire inspires.
Sorry, but he had a point. It was an unfortunate point, but we can't deny the truth in it.
I grew up in southeast DC, taught in southeast DC, and live in far SW. If I dialed 911 every time I saw a Black man or boy walking aimlessly down the street, wearing a hoodie, or behaving suspiciously I would have zero time to do anything else.
However, the drunk guy who entered my building, wandered upstairs, and laid down on the landing, the two guys who tried to break into my neighbor's SUV, the guy who climbed up onto the awning and jumped through the stairwell window, and the guy who heard sirens, ran through the park, and scaled the playground gate, were all wearing hoodies.
I didn't say Geraldo was right, I said he had a point. He's a father, too. The operative word in all that he said is "perception".
I wonder what the conversation was between Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman.
I don't know any adult who can stand a smart-mouthed kid.
I don't know any kid who likes to be badgered.
HAD he been disrespectful, profane, or evasive? Had he been polite and diplomatic? Had he been child-like and calm?
No matter what words were exchanged, Trayvon should have made it home alive.
Did he don his hood and pick up his pace before, or after he saw Zimmerman's car?
Had they been in a confrontation in the past?
I don't know. All I DO know is there are so many factors that could have prevented it all, and they're bigger and older than Trayvon or George.
What could have avoided it all didn't just materialize that fateful day. Never mind what Trayvon could have said, or how he could have said it. When Zimmerman was told that his services were not needed, he should have listened. All of us probably have been disappointed by instances of inefficiency where the police are concerned, but deciding to do what we think they AREN'T doing, is never a smart option.
So, how DOES one walk down a street these days?
Do we need to teach our children how to maneuver with a purpose, now, even if they DON'T have one?
We were taught how to zig zag, duck, dodge and and keep it moving when the sniper was terrorizing the area, and we mastered THAT.
Do we need to amend the "speech" with a lesson in how not to look suspicious?
Where would be good places to start teaching "How To Look Like You Belong, 101?
7-Eleven?
The corner store?
The ATM?
The gas station?
The bus stop?
The laundromat?
The liquor store?
The post office?
Earth?
Is there a way to teach someone how to BE?
Is there a particular stance, posture, or gaze?
Should we have classes in how to not look like you're loitering or about to commit a crime?
When it looks like you're being followed what do you do?
Is that NOT the time to turn your face in the opposite direction, put on your hood and run?
Oh. Wait. With the sagging pants, running is out of the question. Physics won't allow it.
So-- should we start distributing belts in school?
Is it time to have classes in formal conversation?
Are we headed back to shuffling, bowed heads, and no eye contact?
Nephews, you can argue all day long about what ought to be, but if you keep ignoring what IS shame on you.
You can keep saying "That was then, and this is now" and ignore the tremendous relevance of history, but you will do it to your own peril.
Some people assume Black men and boys are dangerous, threatening, and menacing no matter how "baby" their faces are. It's just the way it is.
You can keep fighting what, even in the light of common sense refuses to change, but what will it get you?
Continue failing to learn how to effectively maneuver in territories of ignorance, while maintaining all of your dignity and humanity, and expect to be some frustrated brothers.
The key is to be wise and motivated by mercy, love, grace and the power of forgiveness, while being fully aware of the world in which you live.
Don't emulate something negative in word, thought, or deed, then get mad when you're identified by IT, and not your good name.
Remember what Grandpa always said, "I don't care if everybody is doing it. If it's wrong, don't YOU do it. Be a leader, not a follower. If you're going to do something, let it be YOUR idea. Don't worry about somebody calling you a chicken. Just say, "Yeah. I'm a chicken. YOU do it."
You know what's right, Nephews.
Don't wear yourselves out trying to convince those who pretend they don't know, but are too invested in wrong to do the right thing.
Hatred exists.
Racism exists.
People who have perpetrated crimes so frequently that a profile exists, have made it extremely difficult for you, an already despised, mistrusted segment of society, but keep on succeeding.
There is a Black man and his family living in the White House. That is amazing and still a bit unbelievable to Grandpa, but it may be nothing to you. Some folk, however, are so angry about it that they can't see straight.
Grandpa knows EXACTLY why. He has first-hand stories--lots of them.
Grandpa has stories that should give him an excuse to be the most bitter, hateful, racist, unforgiving man on Earth.
YOU, however, may be wondering why everybody's tripping over a Black President. Maybe you haven't noticed that people have tried all kinds of things to demonize the President, and for what?
His office has been disrespected repeatedly. Why?
Is it REALLY just politics?
In spite of images projected for eons on stage and screen; in spite of what people have taught their children about Black people, the President defies backward, ignorant opinions and flies in the face of uninformed conclusions. He is not the pimp walking, school skipping, drug selling, baby-making, irresponsible boogey man.
How dare he be smart, well read, committed to his family, disciplined, controlled, refined, articulate, wise, and sober.
You know, we know, he is in no way the exception. You have encountered a host of other Black men like him. Other people have not, nor do they want to. Other people have encountered, and only seek to encounter Black men who give them reasons to consider George Zimmerman, not Trayvon Martin, the real victim.
Watch what's going to happen in the following weeks. Every negative thing that can be dug up about Trayvon Martin will surface in sick, heartless attempts to demonstrate that his life was worthless.
Trayvon was confronted while walking down his own street. President Obama was recently confronted while walking away from Air Force One. The inappropriateness of both confrontations confirm that many people feel so superior to others that they feel no need to address them properly. They think others are obligated to pay attention to them--or else.
You just have to pray for people like that.
Nephews, you can have the right of way, exercise it, and still end up hurt. What's better? A dead or wounded hero, or a live example?
Be able to walk away with mental notes to use the next time.
Be smart.
Harsh truth, wisdom, flexibility, and discretion are in order. What we would like to be, and what IS may be far apart.
What's fair, and what IS may be two different animals.
You don't have to be a punk or a coward, but you can be diplomatic.
Perceptions, assumptions and biases are real.
In the midst of changing what's flawed about what IS, facts have to be faced.
Lessons have to be taught, and exceptions explained.
Jackie "Moms" Mabley said we teach our children to watch the light, but the light never hit anybody. Teach them to watch the cars, too.
Watch the cars, Nephews. Watch the cars.
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