THURSDAY THOUGHTS: A NEW, GOOD DAY

Let's try this again.

It's a new day..and it's nice. 

Deliberately endeavor, as much as you can, to keep it that way.

You know the stuff that aggravates, so refuse to entertain it. 

I know. That sounds too easy, but you don't have to answer every call, email, text message. 

You can shut down, unplug, change channels, and disconnect from the beeping, chiming, ringing, and knocking. 

Stop and think about your responses. 

You can say, "No", too.  

Now that's a good one that we tend to forget on occasion.

You can stick to your plan, finish your assignments, address your laundry list, or just chill. 

Setting boundaries is a good idea, sometimes. 

Those things that try to bully their way in to get an audience, can only do so with your permission.

If some of yesterday's yuck spilled over into today, and you're going to have a conversation, don't talk to yourself, you'll only become more aggravated 'cause you will always cosign your own point of view, and you'll be so engrossed in agreeing with yourself, that you'll look up and it's tomorrow. 

All of those voices in your head have to stick together, you know, and they will talk forever. 

So...Free yourself today and get a wise, objective take on the situation. 

Talk to God.

He will probably suggest that you get some help with the yuck. 

If another person is involved, he'll suggest you talk to them. 

What a novel idea! It's not the favored route of gossips, but it does have its benefits. 

Instead of assuming or speculating, or just flat out making up stuff, you'll know. 

Whether you are comfortable with what you learn through having clear-the-air-type conversations, however, depends on you, your honesty, maturity and willingness to forgive or say, "I'm sorry". 

Granted, it's not always easy to engage others, especially if they're right fighters, but do your best. Whatever you find out, is better than not knowing--and then you can commence to enjoying the day!

Don't spend today being catty, though. 

Talking about others can, and does backfire--especially if you're engaged in conversation with someone who is as loyal as Lucifer (or they can't keep their own business confidential--let alone yours). Besides, it's kinda messed up when others meet the person you've been bashing, complaining about, and criticizing, and conclude that they're positively lovely and you're the crazy, jealous, judgmental, insecure, manipulative, unstable one.

It's never a good idea to assign thoughts and feelings to other people. You may be horribly, horribly wrong. Your interpretation of what someone else is doing, thinking, saying, feeling, and why, is either colored by your own impression of them, their deliberate negative actions, the contents of your own heart, or it's an excuse to maintain distance or perpetuate strife. 

Don't be messy, boys and girls. Going around starting hate campaigns against others because you have an issue with them is...well...petty...and selfish...and childish...and just not a good look...

Sorry, but everyone is not going to agree to be mad just because you are. That's not support. That's stupid--especially if you're the culprit in the matter. If I'm going to be mad, I need my own reasons and they're gonna be good and justifiable.

Don't muck up today. It's so gorgeous, and it's still early. 

Decide if whatever IT is can possibly be as big a deal as you think. Either address it, and face the consequences, or let it go. 

There's a lot of serious stuff going on in the world, and although your issue is...well...YOUR issue that a whole lot of people would be delighted to swap with theirs,  if THAT is the most serious item on your plate.

Come on. Have a GOOD day...on purpose.

HOWARD UNIVERSITY MUSIC HISTORY: GROSS OMISSION

I like receiving the glossy Howard University magazine. 

The cover reads, "A Century of Leadership in Music Education". 

So, I turned the pages in anticipation of seeing a photo of you know who...

I read, “Several other alumni and students are still making their marks." 

Okay, his name is coming up, right? 

Wrong.

SMH....

I suppose one can't possibly discuss the "pivotal" role of gospel music, on the campus of Howard University, in three small paragraphs, but a certain distinguished alum's name would have only required 16 letters and a space!

 

I know he's not about the accolades, and never has been, but as a reader, a comprehensive list matters....and NO mention of The Celestials?...and another thing...I'm still not understanding why "Where Are They Now" is ANYWHERE near Roberta Flack's name, as if she fell off the Earth.

There's a VERY nice article about that sangin' Kenny Wesley, by the way. 

I know. I'm biased.

To me, Richard Smallwood is a visionary; one of the greatest pianists and composers in the Solar System. One cannot have a conversation about the Music history of Howard University, or American music history, for that matter, and knowingly omit him.

When we have the opportunity to tell our own stories; write our own histories, and pen articles about our own, we cannot afford to allow space or ignorance, however unintentional, to cause us to gloss over VERY important details. 

I imagine that writers will always offend someone, and I won't go so far as to make an accusation of laziness, or attribute the omission to youth (because there are some very thorough young journalists), but a little research will transform a nice article into a great one.

SUNDAY THOUGHTS: THE LITTLE THINGS

When he gets a hold of my phone or computer, my littlest nephew always wants to search for all things "Sonic the Hedgehog". 

He commandeered my laptop, once again, looked at numerous versions of Sonic, and then zeroed in on one. It was a 5 inch action figure from the "Black Knight" series. 

"This is it! This is the one!" 

They all looked the same to me, but he was very specific about which figure he wanted--and was sure I was willing, AND had the means to obtain it for him. 

There were some available at ebay, Amazon, and ToysRUs. 

Most of the ones he clicked on, shipped from outside of the country, and the shipping charges would be more expensive than the actual toy. 

I tried to persuade him to choose another one. 

He was adamant about the one he saw. 

It was that or nothing. I admired his commitment.

Clearly I was ignorant about the authenticity of the toys, and he explained the color schemes, story lines, and purposes of Sonic. 

Impressed, I told him that if he could find one that would be shipped from somewhere in the U.S., I'd get it for him. 

He kept searching. "California is in America, isn't it, Nessa?" 

I found a U.S. map, and told him to look and see. With his little finger, he traced the map. 

He was heading toward the Pacific Ocean and was getting a little worried, then let out a yell when he saw the letters. 

"C-A-L-I-F-O-R-N-I-A! There it is!" 

He then counted the number of states between California and Maryland. 

His little countenance changed. 

He figured it would take a very, very long time for the toy to arrive, but he assured me that he was willing to wait. 

"Are you gonna get it for me? Can you order it today?" 

I knew he could have it in a day if I was willing to pay for the shipping...lol

I'd had the toy for about a month or so when I finally gave it to him. (My sister thought that the end of the school year would be a good time, since he'd done so well). 

I went to my sister's house, and he met me at the door. 

I'd mentioned something about the toy each time I saw him, and he could hardly contain his excitement. To see his little face light up just melted my heart. He knew I had a bag behind my back, and the contents of the bag were for him. 

He opened the bag, then the package, and handled the toy like it was pure gold. 

He turned and flipped it, and noticed all of the points of articulation. 

"I've never had a toy like this in my life!...This is a great toy...This is a great DAY!", he said. 

I imagine that almost 7 years on Earth IS a long time for a little kid, and their estimations of their experiences, and what's extraordinary, MAY seem over the top. 

That's the delight of a little kid, I guess. 

It doesn't take much to make them happy.

 Faithfulness is something they depend upon. 
There are things, I suppose, none of us should ever lose, like patience, gratitude and joy. 

His happiness made ME happy. 

The toy didn't make a dent in my wallet, but the emotions he demonstrated made me feel as if I'd given him a million dollars--or whatever the equivalent of that would be in the mind of a six-and-a-half year old. 

He also made me want to see that smiling face again and again. 
He told me all about Sonic's gold alter ego "Excalibur" as he played. 

He has a figure but, apparently his sword is broken, and his body is missing. 

I had to stifle a laugh, and was impressed that he knew and could pronounce the word "Excalibur"...so...He doesn't know it yet, but I placed another order. 

His faith in me let me know I don't ever want to let him down. 

I don't always have to buy something, nor do I have to have a gift every time I see him, but I think he knows I just love him, and will keep my word--and he simply can't have a bodiless action figure, now, can he?

The whole thing made me think about my relationship with God. 

He knows what I want, and how badly I want it. 

I know better than to ask Him for certain things, but if something is in line with his will for me, I don't mind waiting on Him to deliver. 

I know that he loves me. 

I know what he is capable of, and I know that his timing is perfect, and his word is good.

FOURTH OF JULY: EAST OF THE RIVER

Happy Independence Day! 

(WHOSE independence is highly debatable.)

Happy 238th Birthday, America, and Happy 239th Birthday to the U.S. Army

--in which, if I had the authority, I would enlist every person outdoors who's holding a lit match, and send them straight to Fort Greely...no...Siberia.

I don't dread the day. 

It's a lovely day that the Lord has made! 

It's just what comes with the day that concerns me. 

It's the annual commencement of DC's most popular game: "Gunshots or Fireworks?" 

Does one phone 911, and hear the seemingly unaffected voice of a dispatcher, who has to contend with a record number of similar calls, or does one merely pray that no one was actually shot, and is bleeding in the street as you struggle to make up your mind? 

I am officially getting old.

Well, Chirren, in this year's exciting episode of "Fourth of July Tales From East of the River", Lil' Ray Ray, Tee Tee, Man Man, an' Nem got started at exactly 7:40 AM with the ammo they must have picked up during their last field trip to the Pentagon.

Yes, your girl started praying a Davidic-type prayer, replete with words like "smite" and "beasts". 

Would that I had the power to:  

summon a swarm of mosquitoes,

and torrential rain (come on, Arthur), 

and harness the mighty wind to snuff out every match, and carry away every lighter, and blow down every eyesore fireworks stand, and reduce them to kindling,

and become independently wealthy so I can pay off every vendor.

and render useless every fuse of anything that's meant to explode or mimic gunfire (except, of course, the stuff that will be controlled tonight by the licensed professionals of Garden State Fireworks Company)

and, finally, I'd make a law: 

NO FIREWORKS IN DENSELY POPULATED RESIDENTIAL NEIGHBORHOODS BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 12 AM AND 12 AM!!!!!!

I can see how people snap. 

I would understand if someone would just go outside, sleep deprived, in their pajamas and start smacking people with a stop sign. 

I can see how an insanity plea can be justified. 

I can see how people in war-torn areas can either become desensitized or go insane...

*sigh*

Attitude needs adjusting...must flee to quiet Maryland...must find happy, cheerful Vanessa...

Let's see...Thank you, Psalm 118:24...

*woosaaaaah*

Be safe, Everybody... 

Oh...and don't end the day without reading "What To The Slave is The Fourth of July" by Frederick Douglass...and pick up a copy of "Negro Comrades of the Crown: African Americans and the British Empire Fight the U.S. Before Emancipation" by Gerald Horne...

and try endure the noise in a way that will not be detrimental to your health. 
That's it...Put the bottle down. 

Hopefully the revelers will run out of ammo by mid August or so.

SATURDAY THOUGHTS: SPRING CLEANING

The internet has added a new twist to spring cleaning.

I ran across a green vase I've had for a very long time. 

As I was wondering whether to keep it, give it away or toss it, I turned it upside down to see if there was something to identify the maker.

I was hoping it was Blenko glass, but the stamp on the bottom read, "E.O. Brody, Cleveland, Ohio". Now I'm curious about "Depression glass".

I think I'll keep it--and fill it with flowers.

When you've taken everything out (and I mean everything), you realize that not everything has to be put back...some stuff can go to others. 

Some stuff should be in a place of prominence, and some stuff needs to go. 

How many hand mixers, candle holders, and vases does one need? 

Some things are reminders of long ago abandoned color schemes that someone else could now be embracing and enjoying. 

Some things are positively unidentifiable. 

"What is this? 

What did it go to? 

What is it for?" 

Someone else may have lost or misplaced their whatchamacalit and could use it.

Thrift Store, here I come.

CUSTOMER SERVICE

Yesterday evening's experience at a gas station on New York Avenue, was interesting, to say the least, and a poor example of customer service to say the most. While I waited, so many things ran through my mind:
1. There is someone who is more suitable for the job, and it may not be a relative--as much as one wants to help one's own. Never leave an incompetent individual in charge...of anything...in front...where they have to deal with people. It could be disastrous for business.
2. Someone else has what one is selling--and will be more gracious about it.
3. Have no respect for one's customers and one's customers may show one just how unruly, loud, and impatient they, too, can be.
4. In one's haste to get rid of people, one may end up cheating oneself.
5. Learn of legitimate businesses that may partner with/benefit yours. Learn of their practices--especially ones with positive reputations--worldwide.
6. Customer service DOES matter.
7. Language barriers have a funny way of breaking down when people get angry. Everyone understands "Nasty Attitude".
8. Waste and delay can occur when one fails to do one's part.
9. It's not the neighborhood, it's the people in it that can spark uneasiness and mistrust.
10. One bad experience can/will determine future behavior. One can always take one's business elsewhere.
11. One may never know the real reason for a delay.
12. There may be a non-malicious reason why rules weren't followed.
13. Sometimes the decision to do it later should be reconsidered.
14. Someone will pick up the dropped ball.
15. People matter.

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: FATHER’S DAY--THANKS, BUT I'M NOT A FATHER

According to dictionary.com a "father" is:

1. A male parent.

2. A father-in-law, stepfather, or adoptive father.

3. Any male ancestor, especially the founder of a race, family, or line; progenitor.

4. A man who exercises paternal care over other persons; a paternal protector or provider.

5. A person who has originated or established something  

While I understand the underlying sentiment of the "Happy Father's Day" greetings, that have finally stopped filling my phone and social networking inboxes, I must, respectfully, reject them. 

Yes. I was the single parent in my home, but my child's father was also the single parent in his. 

I think society and the law deemed me the "primary parent". 

I can't honestly say, however, that raising my daughter was a solitary task. 

There was a village that included men: Tony, his dad, Milbie, his brother Ronald, my Dad, Robert, teachers, pastors...there was a village.

Father's Day is all about the fellas, at least it's supposed to be, but, man, do attitudes flare every year around this time, in June! 

Many conclude that there is nothing to celebrate. Some lament that it's not a special day at all, and the sooner it's over, the better. 

It's just another Sunday, and it conjures up too much bitterness, disappointment, and pain. 

As I drove to my Dad's house, I noticed that there were no chocolate/teddy bear/roses/carnations/perfume vendors on every corner and highway island. 

There were no crowds at the Hallmark displays at CVS. 

There were no restaurants packed with patrons. 

Father's Day, to many, is a joke. 

It's a day to do something to forget it.

It is not always the fault of fathers, whether Father's Day is happy, painful or shameful. 

Sometimes, the shattered feelings of rejected mothers, who needed to be loved, chosen, wanted, cared for, supported, acknowledged, and protected, resulted in the fracturing of beneficial relationships between children and their fathers. 

The emotional and fabricated substitutes just don't work. 

Mothers can't be fathers to their children, any more than sons can be husbands to their mothers.

Money and resources are greatly needed, but at some point in my young, very green life, there was an "aha" moment when I fully understood the value of time. 

When I saw the look on my little girl's face when her very tall Dad picked her up, hugged her, and let her experience the air up there...well...let's just say my broken heart and I had to take several seats, and see the big picture. 

I loved and missed him, and mourned an intact, traditional family for years, but it was impossible to ignore that she needed and loved, and revered him. 

I could provide a lot, and did, but I could not be all things to my daughter. 

I could not be her father.

Seeing my daughter and her dad together as adults, makes my heart very glad. 

They look, laugh, and even sneeze alike. 

They use the same mannerisms in conversation. 

They have incredible work ethic. 

They're problem solvers. 

She's almost as tall as he is. 

They're quite a team.

Children DO need their dads. 

We really do have to mind the messages we send to our children, and let our love for them overrule any issues we may have, or had, with their other parent. 

A child simply cannot get enough love. 

Mommy's way to show it, although wonderfully wonderful, can and should, if possible, be supplemented by the wonderfulness (is that a word?) that Daddy has to offer.

Children WILL grow up. They will find out truths, and what we feed them when they are young, will affect how they view themselves, and manage their relationships with others. 

Lying, scheming, and secrecy, will backfire.

Don't let your child find out that you were the reason a relationship never existed between he or she, and his or her father. 

Don't be the one who initiated the strain, in an effort to protect yourself. All of your hard work and sacrifice will be seen as manipulative and selfish, if you do. 

Don't sow resentment and division. 

You will reap it, when you could have had peace and harmony. 

Every episode of any one of the numerous paternity shows, that features adult children, reveals the lingering pain that they feel when denied an opportunity to know their fathers. 

Every mother always feels that her own efforts to house, feed, clothe, educate and socialize their child should have been enough. They feel that their child should have been happy and satisfied with just one parent's attention. 

The truth is that mothers can't ever be fathers. 
Arrogantly declaring, "I'm mother and father" may make one feel better about oneself, but it does nothing for what one's child needs.

Maybe your relationship didn't work out, but your child was not the result of an immaculate conception. If your only issue is that he's not with you, doesn't want you, or is in a relationship someone else, don't punish your child by denying him or her a very important relationship. Your child is a manifestation of the best of you both.

To deliberately deny a child a relationship with his or her parent is punishment...and criminal...and evil. 

It's as hard as hell to be a single parent. Don't fail to care for your own mental, physical, and spiritual well-being, but don't let unchecked brokenness, bitterness, or hurt, cause harm to, or spill over onto your child.

If your child's father was, or is:

no good, 

a sperm donor, 

a deadbeat, 

a drunk, 

a crackhead, 

a moocher, 

a user, 

a rolling stone, 

a womanizer, 

verbally or physically abusive, 

a player, 

a narcissist,

missing in action, 

in the wind,

a loser,

a jailbird,

in denial,

a rolling stone, 

a friend with benefits, 

a one-time thing, 

or any of the other unfortunate titles angry people assign to men who won't "be a man", remember-- in the words of Judge Judy-- "YOU picked that joker to be the father of your child(ren)!"

 
It doesn't say much about the brightness of the bulb in our own lamps, if we go around bashing the individual for whom we once had great affection--at least long enough to conceive a child. 

No. We DIDN'T have to be mother and father, ladies. It's a hard pill to swallow, when a man adores the child you bore, but doesn't want you, but it's not the fault of the child. 

Many say they are protecting their children, but the truth is they are protecting their own fragile hearts.

My daughter's late, great Aunt Daisy had severe dementia, but she had enough sense to say, "Marriage is like a leap in the dark, Baby. Look deep before you leap".  

Her grandmother Rose said, "Don't take no wooden nickels for your change".

Whether someone has the ability to "step up to the plate" and be a father, is something to determine BEFORE disrobing and swapping bodily fluids.

No matter what kind of maternal gymnastics you had to do, how much money you spent, or how much time you put in, you were a mother--period. Unfortunately, you don't get awards and points for doing what you were SUPPOSED to do. Motherhood is a full-time, 'round-the-clock job, and if you did your time, good for you.

You don't get extra pay for the person who didn't report to the workplace--but if they can do a reasonable job successfully, from another location, don't hinder their progress, minimize, or criticize their performance. 

If you decide to single-handedly take on their job title, duties and your own, it's a choice, not a requirement, nor an order. 

 
Even if he's dead, a mother is still not a father. 

She may certainly be overwhelmed, frugal, and sleep-deprived, perhaps, but still not a father.

If the father of your child(ren) is still around, and is neither pedophile, nor psychopath, wise up and wake up for the sake of your child(ren), so that next Father's Day day isn't full of sarcasm, jokes, criticism, questions, secrets, lies, tears, and shame.

Speak well of the individual who provided a good deal of your child's DNA, and if you can't find anything good to say, say nothing--at least not in the presence of your child. 

After all, there had to be SOMETHING good about them, of which you can speak, or else you wouldn't have been with them in the first place, right? RIGHT? 

Right.