SATURDAY THOUGHTS: SUBSTITUTE TEACHER TALES

Well...
I survived my week with a class of first graders, and have not been driven to strong drink. 

I woke up and remembered it was Saturday. I wasn't late. 

I'm not usually an early morning person, but over the past few years, and specifically the past 4 months, I've morphed into one. 

Some things require a head start. Preparing for the children I met this week was one of them.

I'm not deterred. I'm a little tired, but not deterred, and actually very pleased. 

Most of the children were simply delightful! 

Some made me wish I was independently wealthy so I could send them to the finest school in the city--then it occurred to me that where they are could very well hold that distinction. 

It's a beautiful school. 

Some students made me know that someone prepared them well for first grade. Others made me wish I had some magic powers to improve their lot in life. Still others made me pray...hard...very hard...for them...and for their second grade teacher-- whomever he or she may be.

Only once did I wonder if I had completely lost my mind, or bumped my head for even thinking about going back into the classroom. 

I had to break up a fight. I couldn't let it continue. 

I haven't quite mastered "See, but don't see". 

I don't understand how adults can sit idly by, and not intervene, or keep walking, while shaking their heads, and not stop to help. 

Getting the kids to settle down didn't take long. Calming myself did. 

I reached back for "lights out, heads down". 

It worked.

Recognizing a need, and being able to fulfill it, really is a blessing. Having the kids help each other to clean out the stuffed, cluttered, dark abysses that were their little desks, was actually fun. 

They didn't complain. Now they know where their text and workbooks are. Pencils, crayons, notebooks, writing paper, artwork, markers, mittens, hats, library books, certificates and clothing materialized during the great desk dump. They looked around to see who was at their desks handling their things, and didn't complain when I asked them to smooth out, and neatly stack all of the loose papers they found. 

They all have new folders with their names on them now. Their papers were sorted. Their pencils were sharpened. Their chairs and tables were cleaned. The custodian even came in and cleaned the floor, and vacuumed the carpet. 

Environment matters. I cannot say it enough. Kids shouldn't have to learn in filth. Some things don't require money--just a little soap, water, and elbow grease.

I have a few more days with them before their teacher comes back. God, I hope she's coming back--refreshed, rejuvenated and encouraged-- and with the same bubbling enthusiasm that made her choose teaching as a profession in the first place.

There's a reason why people choose to teach. Some want to pay off loans. Some can't find another job. Some think it's easy. Others see the great need, truly love children, and want to see them succeed. 

It's sad when a person's enthusiasm is destroyed by some of the madness that often infects an educational system. 

Given what I observed for only five days, I totally understand if the teacher's absence was motivated simply by the need for a break. 

If nothing else, after Wednesday; after 8 days of old-school, neat-freak, no-nonsense me in front of the classroom, my hope is that they'll appreciate their teacher a whole lot more; show more respect; stay on task, and remember the real reason why they come to school in the first place. 

The aide phoned her, and put her on speaker. The children were happy to hear her voice.

There's always something to be said, or whispered in corners about a school, the staff, its issues and strengths. Whatever the problem is in one area or another, isn't a secret. The fact that some classes have been, and can be a bit troublesome, and need the presence of strong educators and aides, and continual parental involvement, is never something that can be hidden.

I still think that some of the things that are concocted and packaged as effective educational practices, are the brainchildren of people who were either ineffective teachers, or whose only connection to teaching was their own stints as students. 

Some things are just plain ridiculous; time murdering, asinine, wasteful, and teachers comply just to keep their jobs, but an effective teacher is a fearless, creative, flexible, clever animal, who is unapologetic when it comes to what's best for each student. 

An effective teacher isn't as rare as some people think, but I couldn't help wonder if the plan is to discourage effectiveness and promote mediocrity so that someone can say, "I told you so" when the children fail.

The smart-mouthed, foul-mouthed, unruly, and disrespectful members of the class, always take a lot out of me, and threaten to put a bit of dampener on the day, but even they know that their days of wrecking havoc are numbered. They do know how to get themselves together. Sadly, they've been allowed to carry on for so long, that reigning them in, although it's not impossible, requires extreme patience. 

They have to be told that they will not be allowed to keep the others from learning--and THEY will learn, too. 

Kids need to know there are expectations--high expectations-- and that you care. 

Anyone who thinks children don't need rules, stability and order, is a complete fool.

I saw an awful lot that made me very hopeful; made me smile, and a lot that made me sad--even angry. 

Sometimes education is made much more complicated than it has to be--and, by the way, whatever happened to the "small class size" movement? One unruly student in one class is enough, but several? Twenty-seven children? That's not small. 

Classroom management shouldn't be the overwhelming part of a school day, but it occurred to me that when I was in elementary school, there were always at least 30 students in my classes--and one teacher...who didn't have a computer...or technology...or lots of money...and we could all read and write...very well. 

Teachers had authority and responsibility then, and parents didn't look at the teacher as the enemy to be mistrusted, mistreated or sued. 

The teacher was a respected member of the community--a parent away from home; the person who spent more time with the neighborhood children than their own parents; the person who saw what they were really capable of when out of the earshot and presence of their parents. 

We learned and excelled because we were expected to. 

We behaved because we didn't have a choice. 

No one made excuses for, or ignored disruptive behavior. 

We knew our parents had the teacher's back, and so, the teacher could actually teach.

Why on Earth would one leave one's child with someone all day, expect that person to be responsible, but fail to teach one's child what his or her responsibilities are? 

Contrary to what some may believe, kids want rules and stability.

Within seconds of meeting parents, it's often painfully obvious why children behave the way they do. If a parent thinks some crappy behavior is perfectly normal, cute or acceptable; if he or she is overwhelmed, unconcerned, or had bad experiences at school him or herself, everyone else should be subjected to, and quietly allow varying degrees of foolishness from the child, right? Wrong. 

Some children's biggest obstacle to achievement is, unfortunately, their own parent(s). 

Some parents are expert at trying to intimidate teachers, and very good at being confrontational and litigious, but when it comes to keeping their own offspring in line, they're clueless. 

There are some things a parent has to get a handle on sooner than later. I'm sorry. If a parent won't correct his or her own child, their "I love you" is a lie. 

A government employee with a gun, handcuffs and a badge, is under no obligation to show love or restraint when that child gets older and more out of control--none.

I realize I have a vested interest in these children. They are in my village, and I as a villager intend to do my part no matter what the prevailing opinion of them may be. Some of them are challenging--no--they're downright infuriating--and the first instinct is to send them to the office, or all the way back home, because allowing them to stay means very little in the way of learning will get done-- except learning how to bully, instigate, fight, destroy property, and demonstrate rudeness. It's not their fault, though. They can't be blamed for what the adults in their lives fail to do on their behalf.

I wish I had met them in September. It's so important to start the year off right. 

I don't want to believe that children are being set up to fail, but sometimes it really does seem to be the case, and it's irritating.
 Words like "off the chain", "out of control", "dumb", stupid", "undisciplined", "behind" and "ghetto" float around in meetings, teacher's lounges, playgrounds, cafeterias, classrooms, hallways, and homes but they don't ever have to apply. 

I saw it with my own eyes. The students can learn, they aren't hopeless, they aren't doomed to failure, they can listen and follow directions, they do have something worthwhile to say, and they will succeed. They demonstrated it this week--some of them consistently, some of them briefly, but they did it. 

Now I know they can. They know that they can. 

Whoever thinks otherwise, or thinks I'm wasting my time and effort, doesn't matter.

I'm going back. I'm going to take the brisk walk on Monday morning, and already know exactly what I want to do. One child cannot write his name. Another doesn't have a book bag or notebook. I want to change that before I say goodbye to them.

There were many things that occurred to me during the week:

1. If a child rolls his or her eyes at his or her own parent, and it's not checked, chances are that you, or another adult are next, but what makes the parent think you're supposed to tolerate it, too?

2. Children learn what they live, and react to it, and play it out in public in varying ways. They're not to blame, but their behavior has to be addressed.

3. People do what they are allowed to do, and will continue if no one has the guts to say it is unacceptable. When people think their hands are tied, they may stop caring, grumble, murmur, complain, or gossip-- and work strictly to the rule.

4. Cleanliness and order in a classroom should not be optional, or an oddity.

5. Even if it isn't in the job description, if it needs to be done and you're able, do it.

6. Being liked is nice, but that's not the primary aim.

7. Doing the right thing may attract curious gawkers--and even enemies-- who aren't fans of the progress you make because they've given up, don't want to put in the time, or don't care.

8. Never be surprised if people don't want to see you doing what they said couldn't be done, or weren't willing to do themselves. Know to whom you are accountable. Wannabe supervisors abound, especially when people assume you don't know what you're doing.

9. Go in with high expectations and you'll get results--sometimes immediately.

10. Respect is better when it's mutual, but may not always roll that way. Be respectful anyway.

11. Some parents view a bad report of their child's behavior as an indictment on themselves, and may find unreasonable ways to retaliate.

12. Parents and teachers should be on the same team. Let a child know you have an issue with their teacher, and you may as well plan to home school them. Some teachers have been guilty of ignoring students altogether, because they don't want to deal with their parents.

13. Supporting your child doesn't mean upholding them in wrongdoing.

14. Clean up first. You'll be surprised what you might find...and what you don't need to go out and purchase.

15.  Only a fool won't appreciate/will reject help.

16. Some children will get attention any way they can. Behaving properly may never occur to them to be a good way to get it.

17. Teach what's important first, and subsequent lessons will be a piece of cake. 

"America's National Symbols" can wait, until a child learns that in America, when a teacher gives a simple instruction like "Please have a seat" to a first grader, the teacher expects to see a little bottom immediately lowering itself into a chair-- and doesn't expect any back talk, eye rolling, foot stomping, or teeth sucking.

18. Allow children to climb the walls from September to April, and good luck trying to get them acclimated to a pin-drop-quiet standardized test setting.

19. Follow through. If you say you're phoning a parent, do it.

20. Whatever is going on at home will be spoken of at school. Kids don't have filters--at all.

21. Be consistent. Every adult in the room has to be on the same page. It doesn't take long to communicate what's expected and see results.

22. Be creative. Kids learn in different ways.

23. Theories are good. Putting them into practice is the real test of whether they work or not.

24. When you know you're right, and your cause is just, don't back down.

25. School employees have to be more that people who happen to need a job.

26. Crayola is the best, so are Bounty paper towels.

27. Yesterday is a reference, not a place to stay. Do better and be better tomorrow.

28. Sometimes, it's reassuring for parents to know that their child's teacher is a parent as well. It's good to see a parent leave a conference with a smile on his or her face.

29. Some people are quite satisfied if you do nothing. It motivates their continued inactivity.

30. If an important someone is coming to observe, it seems to me that making sure student desks don't look like dogs have been playing on them is more important than putting the date on the board.

31. Sometimes people know the severity of a situation full well, but wait to see what you're going to do, and then criticize your methods.

32. Given the opportunity, it doesn't take long to turn some things around.

33. Creating order out of chaos shouldn't be a bother to anyone.

34. Ask questions until you get the right answers.

35. Mommy was right. Care for what belongs to someone else as if it was your own.

36. If you're going to be in a place for any length of time, why not invest in it? It doesn't have to be much. Why not leave a place better than you found it?

37. Know who your supervisor is--by name and face. That way, wannabe's won't get away with trying to tell you what to do, based on their own agendas, or take advantage of your ignorance.

38. Don't give up.

FRIDAY THOUGHTS: SPICERACK STORIES

Okay...so, the bottle of parsley flakes, jealous or distraught that I was reaching for the cinnamon, throws itself off of the shelf, bounces onto the counter and lands, not on the floor, nor into my hands, nor the sink, but into the bowl, thereby splashing the just whisked condensed milk, sugar, raw, 2 egg mixture, all over the place. 

Then it just laid there, label side up as if to say, in it's best Steve Urkel voice, "Oops! Did I do that?"

It knew what it was doing. It also knew I was a little miffed, so it tried another angle. "As long as I'm here, use me! I'm parsley! I can add flavor, too! Use me! Use me! It doesn't have to be sweet all the time! Haven't you seen all of the recipes for savory French toast? Use me!"

It got my immediate attention, but it wasn't the attention it really wanted. 

It had already decided in it's own mind that it wasn't as good as the cinnamon. Cinnamon was used often. The cinnamon was McCormick. The parsley was a less pricey, store brand. 

Somehow it couldn't reason that if it were truly considered inferior or unneeded, it wouldn't have never left the store shelf, let alone enjoyed a space in my cabinet. 

See what wrong assumptions do?

A desperate, pushy, overly/unnecessarily competitive thing runs the risk of being merely tolerated, generally ignored, or doomed to scheming to get where it wants to be. 

It doesn't understand how pitiful its behavior is, and seems to forget that it really does have merit-- independent of the merits of another thing. 

It can be used, and used well, and is very suitable in some instances--but not all. It doesn't ever have to so annoyingly assert itself, endeavor to shove another thing aside, or make a scene. 

It doesn't have to arrogantly boast, however, or make a nuisance of itself when it is used. 

It does all of these things because of how it feels about itself. 

Everything is a competition. 

Everyone is a competitor to be beaten, one-upped or edged out. 

When it can't have it's way, it attempts to sabotage the recipe. 

Sometimes it gets it's way. Sometimes it doesn't, and then pretends not to know why things turned out so badly.

The parsley, had it just waited, and not been so awful to the cinnamon, would have been a key ingredient in some veggie burgers that were planned for lunch. Now, that might not happen. 

See parsley? 

Attitude is everything.

The parsley didn't consider, when it took it's little swan dive, that I would have to fish the bottle out of the mixture and run it under water, potentially threatening to saturate and ruin it. 

As it lay waiting for me to clean it first, suddenly concerned for the mixture it almost ruined, and the ingredients it sent sailing to places where they didn't belong, it was probably thinking about what it had done, and how absolutely silly and counterproductive it was. 

Still, it knew it was going to get cleaned up--before the microwave, the floor, the trashcan, the wall (which got the worst of the splash) and wherever else the splash landed. 

This of course meant thoroughly cleaning the entire kitchen, and postponing making French toast. 

The kitchen wasn't complaining, though. Places that, perhaps, didn't need cleaning, got an extra shine. 

The nutmeg wasn't complaining either. Had the parsley not acted out, the nutmeg, strategically blocked in the cabinet by the parsley, would never have been seen or used. See? It is possible to benefit from the blunders and schemes of others.

The bread, oil, and frying pan, and my stomach, thankfully, were patient, and the French toast, though delayed, was delicious..: )

SPUNK

At a local eye care store today, a lady walked in from the rain, twirled, and said, "Jesus wants you to know he loves you, everybody!" Everyone--employees and customers-- turned toward her, and in unison replied, "We love him, too!" Then, just as suddenly as she came in, she left...Okay...You had to be there...But I liked her spunk...: )

CAREGIVER DIARIES: REPUTABLE

The young plumber could have had the job, but he made too many excuses, was inconsistent, a little messy, unprepared, ill-equipped, and unsure. 

One thing he was sure about, was the hundreds of dollars in his ever-changing, escalating quote. 

I guess the only good thing that came out of his visit, was my Dad giving him a lecture on the history of "sagging" (Yes, I was a little embarrassed for him.), and a very long talk about salvation. 

(He's probably still reeling from it, but he respectfully listened.)

The next, older plumber showed up, after phoning the house at 7:00 A.M., made matters worse, (at least the water had been going out slowly) and said he'd be back last Tuesday. (Has anyone seen him? I sure hope he's okay-- as we embark upon yet another Tuesday.)

Both of them, nice though they seemed to be, made it necessary for me to invest in Mr. Clean, Lysol, Clorox, and Bounty paper towels. 

Both of them left my Dad lamenting trying to patronize independent contractors, and acquaintances who say they have certain skills. 

Okay. His exact terminology was "jackleg", but I digress. 

My Dad's a no-nonsense senior citizen. 

He's very big on keeping one's word, doing one's job well, respecting time, and businesses that offer discounts for seniors and veterans. 

If you say you're going to do something…well…he kind of expects you to follow through.

 

I was actually surprised by the patience he demonstrated---for almost a month. I was, on the other hand, preparing to spend an hour or so at the laundromat-slash-wash-and-fold-slash-Chinese restaurant, down the street.

 

"Who can we call?" he asked. 

Then I remembered the jingle:

"If you can't we can, Michael and Son!" 

I thought about bailing water again, and felt like I was in a flashback to 1970's Addis, Louisiana, using my grandmother's wringer washing machine.

 

"I can't", I replied to the jingle out loud. 

"Call Michael and Son".

Michael and Son's Dave M. (who was phoned today, mind you) showed up, today, promptly, and in uniform. 

He placed a mat at the front door, covered his shoes (Now, you know that impressed the neat freak in me), assessed the problem, and went right to work with ALL of the proper tools he needed at his disposal, that he’d retrieved from a truck that had the company name emblazoned all over it. 

Dave never hemmed, hawed, haggled, minced words, hesitated, nor seemed bewildered. He never uttered the words:

"I have to come back tomorrow."

"I'm going to need some help"

"I don't have the special, mystical, magical doohickie I need."

"I may need a jackhammer to break up the floor."

"You need all new pipes."

"I have to see if I can rent some equipment."

"This may require divine intervention."

"You may want to go to a hotel."

"This may take a few days." or 

"Prepare to empty out your bank account and eat crackers for the next 3 months."

Dave just did the job efficiently, and effectively--with a smile—and didn’t leave a mess.

Praise Jesus.

 

I will never again experience the shock of stepping on wet carpet, as I navigate to the bathroom in the dark. 

No more bailing water after every wash load (although it was a nice workout, as I am still in my deeply delusional pursuit of Michelle Obama-like arms).

The years-old clog is gone. Water is flowing freely once again, and before Super Dave, my hero, even pulled out of the driveway, an invoice and a diagnostic sheet, in PDF form, was in my email inbox, ready for me to download. 

It was nowhere near either of the other guys' outrageous quotes (for the major excavation they’d both insisted was needed).

In light of the savings, maybe it's time to call Stanley Steemer, too.

The word of the day is "reputable". 

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: MOMMY

I found the loveliest photo of my Mom today! 

She was such a lady; such a girlie girl, but she was no pushover. She was wise, smart, responsible, caring, creative, long-suffering, neat, and virtuous 

I stared at the photo for quite a long time. 

At that moment in time, in her Sunday best, she was beautiful, and seemed so happy. 

I like her smile, too.

February is always a little weird, and has been for years. 

Mommy passed away at Washington Hospital Center in the early morning of February 4, 2003. It still doesn't seem right or fair. It still baffles me. Sometimes I'm just downright mad about it. It's one of those things that make you say, "It wasn't supposed to happen this way!"
It definitely didn't seem right or fair when, on the morning of February 4, this year, I was driving to MedStar Cancer Institute with my Dad for his first round of chemotherapy.
He was always the one driving her, and waiting for her when she was receiving her chemotherapy infusions to treat colon cancer. 

I wonder sometimes what he's thinking and how he's feeling. 

I wonder if he ever sees the irony of it all.

I've donned my caregiver hat once again. I'm realizing that:

1. Plans can change, and flexibility is a good thing.

2.You may be stronger than you think.

3. Sometimes you're being prepared for a task and don't know it.

4.Tests are good, especially if you know the purpose of them.

5. Things probably work out exactly the way they're supposed to.

6. People do what you allow.

7. Boundaries are good and necessary.

8. Adversity brings out the best and/ or worst in people.

9. Caregivers need care, too.

10. Listening affords an incredible amount of learning.

11. Sometimes, you don't have to say a word.

12. Consideration has to be taught--early.

13. Strengths may vary.

14. Rest is your friend.

15. "Yes" is the appropriate response to the question, "Is there anything I can do?"

16. Some things don't deserve a response or a reply.

17. You have to know for whom you are working.

18. The truth IS the light.

19. Documentation is important.

20. Gut feelings aren't called gut feelings for nothing.

21. My mother taught me well.

It seems so odd being in my family home and my Mom isn't here. Her touch is, though. Her tastes and style are all over the place. The tea pots, the flowers, the French Provincial furniture, the drapes, the color schemes...That is comforting to me. 

I know I'm not her, but with God's help, I'll try to remember and apply everything she taught me, especially Colossians 3:23: 

"And whatsoever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men..."

CAREGIVER DIARIES—TUESDAY THOUGHTS: GRATEFUL

Hello Tuesday.

Time spent with some of my "Vision" family members in Las Vegas, was great. 

A change in my itinerary on Saturday morning, meant a connection in Atlanta, instead of Minneapolis, arriving a lot later than originally planned, and missing a catfish dinner, but all I really wanted was a comfortable bed.

I appreciate my aunt for taking the time to come and stay with my Dad for a few days, so that I could take the trip. 

I'm donning my caregiver hat, again, and feeling surprisingly refreshed. 

My entire flight itinerary ultimately changed, which meant spending most of Saturday and Monday in airports, but patience prevailed. 

It was nice to see my cousin, Angela, at the airport, who I hadn't seen in years, nice to receive an unexpected blessing, and especially nice to sing again.

I wonder if the Plaza Hotel will ever embrace a no-smoking policy, but then, I suppose our group was among few people who were negatively affected by the necessary walk through the smoky casino, in order to get to our rooms. 

I had to laugh at myself. 

The only slot that saw my money, was a vending machine, to get a bag of potato chips. 

One good thing, was the breakfast, that was more than any one person could righteously, and unashamedly eat!

The phrase of the weekend seemed to be "mechanical failure". 

There were lots of pleas for patience, updates, and profuse apologies being announced, over and over. The 8:06 AM flight from McCarren, yesterday, became the 11AM-something flight, which affected the connection in Atlanta.  

The 4:30PM flight became the 6:20 flight, and finally the 8:30PM flight. 

The gate switched from T5 to T7, once again, another airplane had to be cleaned and brought from a hanger, and somehow my fellow travelers were bumped from the flight to DCA, and rerouted to BWI. 

There I was, ending my trip like it began--flying alone.
(I feel like a dope. It really was CNN reporter, Joe Johns, who I spotted at the gate in Atlanta, and I was too chicken to speak!) 

The delays meant walking, browsing, and charging batteries. It also afforded me an opportunity to enjoy a burger from Sam Adams, courtesy of Delta's meal voucher. It really hit the spot.

I'm so glad to be home, and off of planes, and out of the rain. It's good to know my aunt made it back safely to Massachusetts....: )

I hope that :

1. The impatient, foul-mouthed, possibly inebriated lady (who felt it necessary to share her phone conversations, rock music, and whistling skills with the entire McCarran airport Delta gate area yesterday) came to her senses, and is not handcuffed under a jail cell somewhere, for doing what she said she was going to do when she saw the judge in court this morning.

2. My seat mate, a caring, attentive and patient young father, traveling with his adorable 1 year-old son Zane (who slept ALL the way from Atlanta to DCA), will always be so--and be blessed tremendously.

3. Every caregiver will know the necessity of saying "Yes" when others ask, "Is there anything I can do?"

4. People will treat what belongs to others with as much, or more regard as they treat what’s theirs—providing they treat what belongs to them with great care.

5. God continues to bless the ministry and life of Richard Smallwood.

6. Ruby, Anne, Caitlin, Betty, and Yolanda are having a great work day, and other Delta Airlines employees, who deal directly with the public, would take note of what happens when kindness, understanding, helpfulness, and courtesy rule.

7. I can quickly get re-adjusted to Eastern Standard time.

8. There's some more of the red beans, my aunt made, in the refrigerator somewhere.

SATURDAY THOUGHTS: GOLIATH HAD BROTHERS

I found a journal entry that was about 2 years old. 

It's amazing how much it applies today. It indicates that there's another giant left to defeat. The giant that is difficult, intrusive people. Funny. I thought I'd licked that sucker. 

The mission and goal, is to speak up--boldly--when necessary, whether it is characteristic or not, and give the tough stuff --no--EVERYTHING to God, and still remember what Mommy said, "Always be a lady". 

Yes. Some people try waaaaaay too hard. They're too familiar, and all they really inspire is intense dislike and mistrust. They're constantly scheming and worming their way where they don't belong, and aren't welcome. They take liberties they should not.  

I read Ephesians 6:12, and it really adjusted my attitude this morning. "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in heavenly places." 

So, it's not the nosy, intrusive people's fault after all. Is it that they're just possessed? Ha!

Here's the old journal entry:

I got a call yesterday about a singing engagement, or at least that's what the person initially said was the nature of his call. Now where did he get my number? The initial flattery should have been a warning sign. I'm a fan of affirmation, but this was bordering on brown nosing. In the midst of the conversation, the caller abruptly switched gears, and began interrogating me about a personal matter concerning a family member, and proceeded to share information that, for some reason, he didn't think I already knew. I wondered what on Earth it had to do with the singing engagement? How did his train of thought completely jump the track? I was immediately annoyed. 

I could hear my own tone change. I was ready to hang up. Polite, gracious Me kept plugging along, and steered the conversation back to where it began. I could feel some really ignorant chick tying hard to get out and give him a piece of her mind, but I wouldn't let her. I was sure she would go too far. It wasn't the first time someone had overstepped their boundaries, and involved themselves in circumstances where they had no place. I let it slide and stayed silent to this day. Here I was again, faced with another individual, from the same circle of too-familiar people, whose tone testified that he felt he had a right to say every word that was coming out of his mouth. Hanging up would have been rude, but I knew the conversation had to end soon before I said something I would feel quite good about saying, but regret later. 

I stayed cool, and didn't let that other side of me come out to play. Based on the many other times she was suppressed, I didn't trust her to be nice, or stay on topic.
Sometimes it's just easier to assume that people mean well--that they don't mean any deliberate harm, or are just clueless concerning their inappropriate words or behavior. No. It's not I. Sometimes you really are reminded of the superiority of the spirit of Christ. Self control is a wonderful thing--  graciousness, forgiveness and understanding are, too.

What is it about people, who are so eager to share what they know about what they think you SHOULD know, as if it's some kind of tabloid newspaper scoop? 

Some people are waiting/itching for an opportunity to engage/confront you, based on a variety of factors. When they finally have, or create the opportunity, it's fascinating how some can jump in while both feet are wedged firmly in their mouths. 

It is an immediate and irreversible turn-off. 

The aim is not to assist, or be of help. It quickly exposes their real motive for seeking you out. It forces you to adopt a defensive stance. It breeds cynicism and mistrust. It also elicits a response that, if you're so inclined to give, they may not be prepared to handle. 

The most offensive and probably best thing you can do to a gossip or nosy person, is shut down their inquiry, and let them know that you see through their game. They don't have a genuinely concerned bone in their bodies, and will talk about you as eagerly as they involve themselves in the business of others.

Sometimes, I wish I weren't taught to be polite. I couldn't believe the nerve of the caller. What he was asking about was clearly none of his business, and further, we aren't friends. What if what he "thought I needed to know" wasn't something I was SUPPOSED to know? It made me wonder if the singing engagement was just a ruse.

Some people are just too, TOO familiar! Okay, so you can rattle off a list of things that MIGHT make me more comfortable even talking to you in the first place--so what? So, you have dropped a few names of people we mutually know. It doesn't seal a friendship, and it certainly doesn't give one a signal to launch into conversations about others, and fish for information. 

You may have a person's phone number, but it doesn't make you friends. If people want to RETAIN access to others, it would behoove them not to make the mistake of coming across as sneaky, nosy, or sneaky. Maybe my issue with too familiar people, is because indiscretion was not tolerated when I was a child. There were just some things you didn't do or say. You knew better. 

When I encounter people who are overbearing, arrogant, rude, and void of discretion, it triggers something in me. I want to ask, "Don't you know any better? Did you hear yourself? Where does one buy nerve like that?"

I ended the call, and my first thought was to call my family member, but I didn't. My second thought was to block the caller's number. My third thought was to say, "Thanks, but no thanks" to the singing engagement. It seemed tainted somehow. 

Maybe I'm overreacting. The whole thing just left a really bad taste in my mouth.
He called again today, but from a different number. "Hi. Did you leave me an IM, because if you did, it didn't go through? My phone doesn't take IM's but it takes text messages." 

Wait…WHAT?

I learned:

1. Don't read more into a thing than necessary.

2. Say what you mean. Handle situations as they occur.

3. Nosy people are, well, nosy. Don't expect them to be otherwise. Save yourself and cut the conversation short.

4. Never mind how someone got your number. Having your number and having access are two different things.

5. Demonstrate professionalism, even when others don't.

6. Some people think closeness with a family member of yours guarantees closeness to you. 

7. The enemy's greatest accomplishment is to get you to think he doesn't exist. Keep your eyes open.

8. Some people want access. If they can't get in with your help, they'll turn to someone close to you. I wonder if they really think that's going to endear you to them?

9. Stay focused. Ignore idiots.

10. Smile---genuinely.

11. Forgive. 

12. Remember Hymn #342.