FRIDAY THOUGHTS: SEE THE LIGHT

Your best is quite good enough for someone else. 

Oh, yes it is. 

Perhaps the notion has been obscured by one too many encounters with the impossible. 

Maybe your best has been lost in a toxic environment where help is greatly needed, but fiercely resented, or unappreciated. 

Someone else would greatly welcome your presence, efforts, time, insight, patience, expertise, love, care, resources, and help. It's not a threat, nor a puffed up declaration. It's just the truth--a truth that self-centered, ungrateful individuals hope you never learn. 
Sometimes you have to shift into "heartily as unto the Lord" mode, and stay there. 

Some people will never be pleased; 

will never be satisfied; 

will never be thankful; 

will never change their ways; 

will never say, "I'm sorry"; 

will never tell the truth; 

will never say, "I was wrong"; 

will never seek peace; 

will always cast their negativity onto others; 

will always play the victim; 

will always try to take others down with them; 

will always find something to criticize and pick apart, because they delight in making others feel small, incompetent, and inadequate. 

It's the only way they can feel good about themselves. 

When you finally realize that the giant/bully in your life is operating out of a place of utter weakness, uncertainty, insecurity, ignorance, hurt, and fear, your responses to them, their words, and actions will drastically change. 

You used to become perplexed and cry. You used to run away or quit.

Not any more. 

It's not that you've become cold or mean, or don't have any more tears, it's just that you can find much better use for them.

People may seem to attack, but when you stop cowering long enough, you can see what they're really throwing at you, and how wild and poor their aim actually is. 

If you look closely, even their weapons are weak--they just appear to be big and loud. 

You haven't lost any blood at all. 

You don't have any broken bones. 

You've been listening to, and looking at their report. Now, you see the truth. 

When you don't respond like you used to, it confuses toxic people; makes them angrier, and forces them to look at themselves and their deplorable behavior toward those who have shown them nothing but kindness. 

The truth IS the light. 

They can push all of the buttons they want, and you won't budge. 

You won't feel wounded or frustrated any more. You'll recognize and enjoy the support, love and encouragement of those who are secure enough to have your back; who DO see, and know your worth, and wouldn't dare tear you down, use, or harm you. 
And to think--you've been breaking your neck trying to figure out what you've done wrong, running for cover, defending, and beating up on yourself! 

Stop it! 

The cantankerous, mean-spirited, manipulative, oppressive, arrogant, angry spirits among us will never be happy--especially not with your light (that they can't control) messing up their carefully crafted darkness. 
Don't let the toxicity in someone else change who you are. 

Soar above it, and keep shining.

MONDAY THOUGHTS: OTHER MESSAGES

So...I took a little time to explore/clean out the messages section of my Facebook page. They do tend to pile up! 

Lots of invitations, recommendations, offers, announcements (and craziness) are there.

I admit, I don't check them every day. 

Most times, if something is pressing, I'll get a "check your inbox" reminder on the page--or a phone call. 

The inbox, as you all know, includes unread, archived, and spam messages. As with e-mail, sometimes the host will take it upon itself to determine what's spam, so it's good to check it every now and then, so that you don't miss something important from an actual friend. 

Yesterday, however, was the FIRST time, since I joined Facebook back in 2009 (I think), that I explored the messages section labeled "OTHER". 

I did my best to apologetically respond to the very kind words of people who were not Facebook friends, but were allowed to message me about one thing or another, because of my settings.

And then, there were those, who think Facebook is Cavemanbook:"You! I saw your picture! I want you! Talk to me, now! Accept my friend request, now!"

Whew!...Very scary...lol.

The remainder were interesting, too. 

Some users have either established Rules for Use, or somehow believe that everyone uses Facebook the same way that they do.

 

And then, there were the offended message senders. 

After I did not reply in a timely fashion to the first messages they sent, one writer got a little snippy in their subsequent attempts to reach me: 

"Um. Excuse me. HELLO? Too busy to reply?"

"I'm trying to get you some exposure. 

This is a great opportunity. 

You need to get back to me".

"I guess you don't talk to little people".

"So you're just not going to answer?".

"I see you on here every day posting stuff, so I know you see this. Could you at least give me a yes or no? I need to know something by Friday."

Well, whatever the pressing thing was took place on a Friday in 2011. I guess I missed something, huh?

I'll try to do better about reading messages, especially since some actually made my day (Thank you, Rina Parikh, Conrad Miller, Lidia Estrada Martinez, and Bee Jay), but I still don't respond to snippiness. (Is that a word?) 

Why immediately go negative? 

It is possible that users aren't being rude or dismissive. They simply don't get or see messages. 

Does anyone think there's anything about a bad attitude, or aggressive manner that will inspire someone to open up; respond, or be happy to see their face--even online?

Silence, whether it is deliberate or not, is a response, however it is one that some people don't exactly appreciate. I've learned that in my old age. Certainly, no one wants to be ignored, but how one approaches others will definitely impact the response one gets. It's even more important to curb one's attitude when engaging strangers. 

Facebook has facilitated the delusion that friendships exist where they don't. It has also given users the idea that others are obligated to connect and converse.

When people want to engage, and don't get the immediate response they're seeking, I imagine it can be frustrating, but one should never venture so far as to be demanding or pushy. 

Copping an attitude just seems a bit childish, and sends up red flags. Becoming defensive, or being offended demonstrates quite a lot of nerve, especially when one is attempting to engage a stranger.

Frankly, it seems that some people go about looking for confrontations, altercations and arguments--or reasons to support their unreasonable or unfounded expectations and evaluations of others. 

A bad attitude, before an explanation is heard, 

(I didn't see it; 

I didn't get it; 

I didn't know that was there; 

My internet is down; 

I was in the hospital:

My account was hacked;

I've been extremely busy; 

I'm on a social networking break; 

I accidentally deleted it; 

The dog ate my computer), 

will greatly contribute to the lack of access-- or continued silence.

#socialmedia

#facebook

#attitudeiseverything

#benice

CAREGIVER DIARIES: WHO'S CALLING?

The phone ringing early this morning, reminded me of yesterday.

It was closing in on 7:30, but I had been awake for hours. How little sleep I apparently need, as I get older, has been a surprising thing to me. 

Each day, I recall my grandmother's reference to "soon in the morning"...

I realized that I'm a cell phone girl in a home phone world.

One has an old-school, loud, black rotary phone type ring.

One yells out the name of the caller as phonetically as it can.

One plays "Red River Valley"--creepy chime-style.

One yells out the phone number of the caller-- slowly and deliberately-- like a robot.

One has an answering machine set on speaker mode.

All of this happens simultaneously.

It's quite a startling concert, and breaks through the morning or evening silence like a jackhammer.

I think I'm going to write a book or manual for people who either don't understand the day-to-day of caregiving, or they're just thoughtless, nosy, antagonistic jerks.

Just because a person is a seasoned citizen, doesn't mean they don't need rest or sleep. Just because YOU'RE up and about at the crack of dawn, doesn't mean THEY are.

I think every retired, seasoned citizen has earned the right to spend his or her time and resources any way they want. 

I think it's perfectly fine for someone to use their resources to make their lives more manageable and comfortable. Some people have an awfully skewed concept of what it means to help. 

What I've noticed, is that a lot of people have been helping themselves to what belongs to others, and taking advantage of the vulnerability of others. 

Keep an eye on the seasoned citizens in your life.

Too often, people look at seasoned citizens as deep-pocketed people who have nothing to do, so they are put upon, taken advantage of, scammed, dragged places they don't really want to go, hit up for money, and stripped of their choices. I could go on. 

I am kind of amused, however, by those who think it's their job to make late night and early morning phone calls to micromanage the in-home care giver--as if what YOU have to do doesn't require sleep or rest, either.

When I answer any one of the phones, I've learned it's not MY voice the callers were expecting. ("Oh SHE'S there?" Wow. "SHE". 

The thoughtless busybodies say it as if you're not a caring family member, but some crackhead, psycho stranger who just got released from two-terms in Folsom prison.) 

They respond as if speech is a new concept. 

You're patiently waiting for them to identify themselves, as they continue stumbling and fumbling over words. They know they're out of order, calling at the crack of the crack of dawn, but their insensitivity, unfortunately, has been allowed.

It's cool though. After being ripped from sleep, you realize you DID wake up, and for that, you're thankful. It's wonderful to be alive. In addition to thankfulness, speaking up, in love, and without apology are wonderful things, too. 

One must set boundaries. If the WORSE offender can apologize, and admit to having been a bit deliberate and divisive in his actions, and frequently crossing the line into Too Familiar Territory, then there's certainly hope for the rest.
  
Most caregiver's only aim and wish, is the wholeness, and well-being of the individual(s) they serve. That's certainly not something that any sane person would endeavor to sabotage. 

One must always assume, however, that some people just don't know any better.

 

It's never too late, then, for lessons from the New, Improved, Home Training 101 manual:

1. When you phone someone's home, say, "Hello".

2. If a person is on a fixed income, get out of their pockets.

3. If you're coming to take out the trash, take it ALL out.

4. If someone has dietary restrictions, don't show up with stuff that's liable to kill them.

5. The last person who needs to be aggravated is the person tasked to care for someone else.

6. If you're going to visit, call first...Don't show up at breakfast/lunch/dinnertime. The caregiver is in place to help the afflicted person, not serve as a maid or butler to everyone else.

7.If a seasoned citizen says, "I have a cold", don't be an idiot and visit them anyway. 

YOUR germs are more detrimental to them, than theirs are to you.

Dear Care Givers everywhere, NEVER apologize to ANYONE for what you have been AUTHORIZED to do in the interest of your loved ones.
Someone has to help me understand how people view seasoned citizens as people who need to be taken advantage of.  "Oh, they're not using it."..."Oh, they don't need it"..."Oh, they won't miss it"...."Oh, it won't bother them"..."Oh, they won't see it", "Oh it's not in their way", "Oh, they won't mind"...ugh...
Seems to me, if you're visiting a senior citizen whose had some health issues, you wouldn't show up empty handed--and you definitely wouldn't take from their resources-- monetary or otherwise. 
I need prayer. Biting my tongue is getting increasingly difficult...maybe, for once in my passive life, that's a good thing.

Yesterday, I traveled to my childhood church to celebrate the life of a delightful, talented woman I'd known since I was 8 years old. Thelma Allen Lucky's funeral took me back in time. Sitting in Bethlehem Baptist Church was therapeutic. Singing (which wasn't planned)--was too. I saw so many men and women who were once young and spry; who, when they were my age, I thought were old. So many of them offered unsolicited, yet welcomed words of encouragement. More than once, I heard, "One day at a time."
I left feeling even more grateful and focused. Ms. Lucky lived a life of constant service to others. Ninety-five years. In the end, she was honored by those whose lives she'd touched. She'd fought a good fight, and no one said it was all a bed of roses, but then, perhaps it's not supposed to be.

In the effort to serve, some days are easier than others, but since you can't control what people will do or say, the only thing you can do is monitor your own responses, and some of them will surprise even you. 

I'm grateful for those discerning individuals who know what you're going through, and seek to make it easier, even if only through prayer. So many of my peers are in care giving roles now. It's nice to have the support of those who understand, and can share information that is helpful not only to you but your loved one as well.

My re-test is going along nicely today. 

It seems as if everywhere I go, there's someone planted to give me an encouraging word.
I love it.

I COULD HAVE SWORN...

I was really looking forward to my root beer yesterday....IBC...bottled...cold...last one...Oh, the whipping I would have gotten if I had walked into someone's home, and instead of immediately sitting my happy self down, I scanned the kitchen, and started begging for stuff before I even spoke to everyone inside... and going into someone's refrigerator?--without asking OR acquainting myself with soap and water? Lawd, Lawd, LAWD, I would have been the Hand-less Wonder FOR SURE.  Oh, Home Training, where art thou?

FRIDAY THOUGHTS: A BAD DREAM

I had a lovely day yesterday. 

I even turned in at a reasonable hour last night, however, I woke up this morning flustered and shaking. 

I don't know if I was crying in my dream, or if my cries were aloud. 

I took a deep breath, and felt that trembling/ rattling thing--that telltale sign, "

Yep. You've been crying".

I dreamed I was sitting at a large dining table in the home of a friend. 

Others were there, and we were enjoying a great meal, laughing and talking. 

Suddenly, we heard a key being inserted in the lock, and the door opened. 

My friend poked his head in, and was singing. "Finally!" we all shouted. "Where have you been?"

 He then closed the door, opened it again, and sang again. His voice was low, words slurred, and he didn't sound like himself at all. 

Then he just stood there, with the door wide open.

 He was wearing a beautiful grey wool coat. His shirt, slacks and shoes would have completed a stunning ensemble, except we noticed his shirt tail was out,  and his pants were unzipped. 

He was trying to stuff his shirt tail back into his pants with one hand, but wasn't having much success.

 Someone got up from the table to greet him. 

It was cold outside, and everyone was complaining, "Close the door! There's a draft in here!" 

He was grinning as he stood in the doorway, but saying nothing. His countenance wasn't sinister, just mischievous--goofy even--sort of like the expressions of the TV characters George Sunday and Father Dougal McGuire. 

There was a deliberate clueless-ness on his face, as he stood. He wasn't really looking at, nor toward us, but over us, and off into the distance, yet seeming to know that all eyes were on him. 

His own eyes were wide ,and he just stood there. 

I noticed that he had a large suitcase with him, and he seemed to be weaving a bit. 

I wondered if he had driven himself home, or if someone had dropped him off. I wondered if he had been drinking, because he just stood there swaying from side to side, back to front. 

It seemed as if he'd fall. 

The guy who'd gotten up to greet him must have spent 5 or 10 minutes trying to get him to come inside. Finally, he did come in, and staggered around to my side of the table. 

I got up to greet him, and joked about him appearing to be drunk. 

As I reached out, he fell backward. 

I was suddenly on the floor talking to him, asking him if he could hear me. 

I was crying and asking him what happened. 

I put my face close to his so that I could hear what he was saying. Then I screamed for someone to call an ambulance. 

He whispered, "Listen to me because I don't have a lot of time. I can feel myself going". 

He either said, "Keep singing" or "Sing the song". Then he turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. 

I was shaking him and screaming, "No, no, no! Wake up! Please don't go! Please don't go!" I was looking around for someone to help me, but everyone was standing in a semi-circle; looking down at us with sad looks on their faces. 

I was hugging my friend, and crying uncontrollably, then I woke up.

Now, I'm wondering what it all meant.

WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

Prince and 3rd Eye Girl KILLED on The Arsenio Hall Show a few nights ago. 

Okay. I have an AARP card and I don’t usually use the term "killed" in reference to music (or anything for that matter, other than something that has actually been done away with), but for that performance (and Liv Warfield’s recent performance of “Why Do You Lie” on The Tonight Show), I’ll make an exception.  

It was musically, visually, and technically excellent. Most of all, it was consistent, and allowed Prince to shine. 

The audience was so engaged and happy. The object of their affection was right there with them. 

They honored him with ovations, and reverently listened as he spoke. They even wore purple attire.  

Arsenio wasn't even the star of his own show any more, and he didn’t seem to mind at all! 

He was visibly in awe, from his tone of voice, to his introduction, to his posture. 

You could also tell that they knew each other, and were friends. 

He got out of the way so that Prince's fans could get close to him. 

The skillful performances probably inspired a new generation of fans to find out more about him; explore his previous work, and anticipate what he is going to produce in the future. 

They may have inspired someone to pick up a guitar, or a horn they'd abandoned.

The performances probably motivated people all over the viewing area to open their wallets so that they could hear more whenever they wanted. 

They served their intended purpose with honesty and integrity. Prince and friends were merely being themselves.

I thought about all of that when a worship leader friend asked for suggestions on how to get a congregation more engaged in praise and worship. It may seem like apples and oranges, but bear with me…

Perhaps the problem lies in TRYING to get people to "engage", instead of sincerely engaging in worship one’s self. 

Instead of looking at praise and worship as a genre of Music, or a compartmentalized program item, maybe it should be encouraged to be a part of one’s daily routine. 

Maybe the origins and practices should be taught from a biblical standpoint, so that people will understand. That way, when they assemble with others, it won’t seem so foreign. 

It won’t be something congregations are inclined to watch others do, but because there is a history, relationship, and an expectation, it will be something they willingly do out of gratitude, and a willing heart.

You can’t make people do anything. 

I don’t think even God wants an offering given under duress, and, furthermore, exactly to whose satisfaction should a congregation perform or respond? 

Who are the praise police, and who determines if their praise/worship is up to snuff? 

Are worship leaders looking for signs that people love God, or are they much too preoccupied with whether or not the congregation approves of the song choices for the day, the singers’ voices and the musicians’ skill? 

Who is designated to enforce the degree to which others publicly display their adoration to God, and whether the display is adequate and of sufficient duration?  

(And why does it always stop when the music stops?) 

We’ve all heard frustrated worship leaders loudly chastise, “Oh, ya’ll can do better than that!” …uh…ummm…Do better than WHAT exactly? 

So, if people don’t do cartwheels down the aisles, or holler for fifty-two and a half minutes straight, does it mean that they don’t love God? 

When their combination Funky Chicken/Twerk/Electric Slide ends up on YouTube does that mean their praise has reached maximum engagement? 

Or, could the real issue be, that there’s someone standing in the pulpit who covets applause and adoration for their own performance? 

Are worship leaders on power trips? 

Are they leaning heavily on the “leader” part of their title, and forgetting to worship themselves?

For years, ministers have been comparing congregation’s responses in church to the responses of spectators at sporting events and concerts. 

Maybe people engage at games because what they’re experiencing what it’s like to be free and on one accord, in a corporate setting, with like-minded others—who aren’t constantly judging, comparing, diminishing, and monitoring their loyalty and enthusiasm. 

In their own way, they love their team, or favorite superstar, and as long as the team and superstar know and appreciate it, fans don’t care how others feel about the range of their displays of affection.

No one has to convince me to love what, and who I love. 

If the actual aim was to go into God’s house, gather in His name, and worship Him, we wouldn’t have to wait for someone’s prompting to let us know when the show was starting.  

We “ought to show some signs”, but what, specifically, would worship leaders like to see that will indicate that the congregation is engaged? 

Do they want to see people swinging from the chandeliers or running laps? 

Would identical displays of the worship leader’s style of worship suffice? 

Oh. 

Wait. 

My bad. 

That’s no good, because many times, the worship leader ISN’T worshiping. 

He or she is too busy being on surveillance, and berating the hell-bound heathens who have the audacity to remain seated. 

(Darn those senior citizens.)  

 I thought about a line from the hymn, “Lift Him Up”:

“…let the world in you the Savior see; then men will gladly follow Him who once taught, “I'll draw all men unto Me”.

In the local assembly, where we supposedly gather to worship God, so much of what takes place has little, if anything at all, to do with Him, nor are activities directed toward Him. 

Many times, not even the SONGS indicate understanding concerning the purpose of the weekly convocation. 

The music may be catchy, fast, dance-friendly and fun, but the content is PEOPLE oriented. 

God is lucky if He gets a random shout-out. 

Too often, He is treated as an incidental visitor in His own house. 

Would YOU hang around at a party that's supposed to be for you, if nothing that YOU like is going on, and the name on the cake isn't even yours? 

Would you respond favorably, or stay at a party if you got there and realized the person you came to celebrate was kicked out by people who demanded that you to celebrate THEM instead?

The usual "Get with me/us" angle, will always end in frustration, because many worship leaders are looking for a level of response, or specific responses that are simply NOT due to them. 

Are people standing in awe of God, or because their favorite "jam" got to the "good part"?  

The NET Bible translation of Joshua 24:14 uses the words “integrity” and “loyalty” in reference to attitude toward service and worship.  

Other translations use the words “faithfulness”, “truth”, “wholeheartedly”, “perfection” and “sincerity”.  

If someone tries to, or appears to be forcing you to reverently honor or adore something, perhaps it's because they’ve presumed that you don’t know, love, or appreciate it.  

People will either tune you out, or let you go on until you run out of things to say.  

In a person’s zeal to convince you that something or someone is good, there ought to be some indication that THEY know what THEY’RE talking about. 

If the testimonies of those who are supposed to have experience are gross misrepresentations, why would anyone embrace what they’re talking about? 

If an honest, sincere demonstration of love is witnessed, others may be inclined to want that kind of intimacy as well. 

No one wants to cosign a sham. 

A person can't lead where they don't go; they can't effectively introduce others to someone with whom they have no relationship.

Six to 10 color-coordinated fashionistas, armed with hand-held mikes, and drowning out the congregation and choir, is what many consider worship and praise these days. 

Make it LOOK like a show, silence congregations with songs they don't know, or can't understand, and it's no wonder that some people respond with, "Doggone-it, YOU sing. I paid my money to get in here. I didn't come to help out". 

Worship leaders have to quash the need to "get house". 

When you read about how a particular music ministry "killed", or "slayed" at all forty-three services on a Sabbath, it’s sadly obvious that directing others to God is not the plan.

If leaders have to MANUFACTURE a worship experience, believers (and demons, too) will have NO difficulty seeing that it is not authentic, and will defiantly refuse to respond to it in a favorable way. 

(Notice all of the church shenanigans on YouTube?)

Many look for people’s responses as a sign of effectiveness (clapping, standing, screaming, etc.), but never consider if their carefully choreographed offering is offensive to God. 

Instead of hollering at people and manipulating them with guilt-inducing statements, designed to get their approval, why not just honestly worship?

Why not just be oneself, and make consistency and excellence a priority?