“They don’t like _________, but I don’t care. I’m going to bring, do, include, make, inject, say, insist upon, suggest, or present it anyway. They’ll get over it”.
Good luck with that, Sparky. WILL they? Will they get over it? What if they don’t?
Someone’s polite refusal of what YOU like, do, want, or say, isn’t personal. It’s not a rejection of you—until it IS.
Is there some obscure prize awarded for steamrolling over the wants of others, except the selfish satisfaction of overriding another person’s rights?
You can tell a person a hundred different ways—every time they ask, or bring it up— that you don’t fancy, want, agree, need, prefer, care about, appreciate, feel comfortable, rock, nor roll with, nor have any affinity whatsoever to something, yet they will INSIST on finding sneaky ways to impose it upon you, as if you suddenly changed your position, or don’t know your own mind.
"You don't like me popping up in your face with my tablet, like a deranged Jack-in-the-Box, to take poorly composed, badly lit photographs of you, that I'm going to post all over social media, with captions that read like they were written by a toddler? Why not?"
"I know you asked me not to, but it's easier for me to just send a group text, and give out your contact information, all willy-nilly, to total strangers! What's the problem? Why are you reporting my irrelevant messages as junk?"
"Oh, a little meat won't hurt you! It’s better when it’s so red, that you can almost hear it mooing. Are you a vegetarian? Try it!”
"I signed you up as a volunteer, because I figured you didn't have anything to do that day. You don't mind, do you?"
"I know you just had a glass of tap water, but we're gonna split the check equally. Your water comes to $47.86 plus tax and tip. How do you want to pay?"
“I know your family said she couldn’t have any visitors, but that doesn’t mean me, does it? I don’t think she’ll mind if I go to the hospital! I won’t stay long!”
Ugh.
Wouldn’t it be better if someone genuinely welcomed, accepted, or wanted a thing, as opposed to being worn down about it, just to get you out of their hair? Is peace at any cost, really peace? Whatever happened to asking for permission, or respecting other’s decisions or preferences?
What makes people think that what THEY fancy, is better, right, normal, or for YOUR own good—particularly if it’s mediocre, uncomfortable, unsafe, tacky, burdensome, intrusive, unfair, or adds little, or no value?
Some will go so far as to endeavor to MAKE you accept their ways, ideas, plans, opinions, or behaviors! Whether you’re compromised or unhappy, is irrelevant to them. They just want THEIR way, and think gross inconsideration is going to warm you up to their shenanigans, as opposed to making you irritable or resentful.
HOW, then, can pushy people be so highly offended and wounded, when your last-straw response, to what amounts to bullying, nagging, invasion of privacy, and intimidation, isn’t exactly “nice”, or goes “too far”? After all, you DID explicitly tell them—perhaps MANY times—what your boundaries were, but they couldn’t seem to help overstepping them. Is it possible that they just didn’t hear you? What is it that makes people close their ears, willfully misunderstand, or conclude that others don’t really mean what they say?
Self-awareness can’t be utilized enough. How you come across, whether you mean to or not, isn’t always about perception. Sometimes, selfishness and rudeness are the reality, and have to be called out, as opposed to tolerated. Reading rooms, is a valuable skill. How you approach others, requires tact and timing. Respect for others, absolutely matters.
You won’t get your little feelings hurt when you’re firmly shoved back, if you’re not constantly instigating conflict in the first place, by disregarding the autonomy of others. It IS a big deal.
Don’t take it upon yourself to put anything on another person’s proverbial plate, unless they ask for it.
Don’t assume that others will, or SHOULD like, support, or be okay with what YOU like, want, or prefer. They’re not wrong, odd, rude, strange, difficult, silly, uncooperative, anti-social, in denial, unreasonable, closed-minded, or mean. They don’t need to lighten up, or go along to get along. They’re simply exercising THEIR right to like what they like, or avoid what they don’t—just like YOU want to. You don’t have to understand it.
Hear people when they say: “No”,
“Not right now”,
“Please, stop…”,
“I’m not interested”,
“I’d rather not”,
“That’s not for me”,
“I’d prefer if you didn’t…”, etc.
Those responses don’t require a judgmental, hysterical, sarcastic “But why?”, nor a manipulative “Pretty please”.
Untwist your face, and lose the attitude and air of superiority. “No”, is not a signal to plow forward, do what you want to do anyway, invade spaces, or care less how your overbearing execution of a thing will impact others. Pushy is not endearing.
Attempting to control others, having what you want in the face of the discomfort of others, or ignoring basic, common courtesy, at the expense, or to the dismay of others, isn’t a winning strategy.
“No means NO” covers a multitude of scenarios from intimate encounters, food selections, telemarketing, musical tastes, group texting, visiting hours, fashion trends, pandemic protocols, identity or contact information sharing, travel destinations, personal grooming, pyramid schemes, to politics.
There’s neither triumph nor pride in being tone deaf—nor a jerk. When someone says “No”, assume that they mean it.
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