CARE

My cousin Yolonda died today. 
My aunt Mary has been a caregiver for a long time--first for my late uncle Gus, and then for her only daughter. They were very close, and my prayers are centered on my Aunt Mary today. I know it was a great joy for her to serve her daughter...*sigh*...I hate Cancer.

There's a special place in my heart and mind for those tasked and blessed to be caregivers. It is not an easy thing to do, and can take a great physical and emotional toll on people. It can be thankless, and it can bring great satisfaction and joy. It tests a person's limitations, and offers an opportunity to demonstrate great patience and love. It brings out the worst in some people, and the best in others. I will never know, however, how some people conclude that it is bliss, or that the caregiver has somehow hit the jackpot and is cruising on Easy Street.

If there is a caregiving situation in your family, please remember, the person on the job for the lion's share of the time, needs care, support, and encouragement, too--and a break every now and then. What they do NOT need is to be treated like criminals under surveillance. They are in place to assist the ill person, not you. Don't be a jerk. Caregivers do NOT need extra stress, micromanagement, grief, drama, 20 questions, extra responsibility, criticism, imposition, rudeness, or inconsideration. Be mindful when you call or visit. Refrain from gossip and speculation concerning the condition of the ill person. Save your two cents on what you think ought to be done, especially if you have no intention to actually do it, or enlist and pay for the services of someone to get it done. Just be considerate.

Families, I implore you: Be on the same page in the same book. Get there any way you can. There are enough non-family members lurking around who'd love to take advantage of the slightest crack in your armor. Don't sabotage the caregiver. A caregiving situation is not the time to trot out your repressed feelings about what happened at the cookout in 1972, and decide you don't have to help, or don't like who is helping. Being a pain-in-the-neck to a competent caregiver demonstrates how you really care about the ill person. A little help, in your area of expertise, is better than no help at all.
Don't allow others to run roughshod over the people who are caring for your loved one. Too many care givers are simply burned out-- so much so, that even the thought of doing it again is painful. It's, often, not even the ill person who presents the greatest challenge and headache to caregivers, it's meddling busybodies, know-it-all do-nothings, users, hangers on, and opportunists. Illness has a way of making people less accessible. Some people see the caregiver as an enemy, when all they are attempting to do is assist in the restoration of a person's well being, or facilitate their comfort.
Demand that people respect boundaries in a caregiving situation. MAKE them understand, and if necessary, remind those who have a penchant for being too familiar, that they DO have business of their own that requires their time and attention. (This can be done without unleashing a single non-Sunday School word). Nosiness can never masquerade for concern. Opportunists can never pass themselves off as caring friends. The caregiver is not the enemy, or the house slave. Don't treat him or her like one.  If you can't physically help, for heaven's sake, do no harm. You CAN do something, though. You can pray. It still works.

Even as my cousin endured her illness, a few months ago she encouraged me as I once again, assumed a caregiver role: "When you bring light into darkness--that's what you're doing! You're bringing light! When you're trying to do the right thing, don't think the enemy is going to like it, OR you. He wants things messed up! He hates you! He doesn't play fair. You have to fight. Every day, you have to fight. Don't run. When light goes, it opens the door to all kinds of confusion. Don't run. Please, don't let the enemy win."
For caregivers, some things are easier said than done, but just knowing someone is cheering you on, is strengthening.

Rest in peace, Cousin...and thanks...: )