Not America's Dad.
Clearly, someone thought we needed to know what one of the most beloved individuals on Earth was doing while we were all cracking up until we cried, and our sides ached.
I really could have survived without knowing.
Someone now wants me to burn my albums, cassettes, DVD's and VHS tapes of "The Cosby Show".
Not so fast. What if he's innocent?
Good grief. What if he’s guilty?
I'm always challenged by my take on any situation, though.
It informs me of whether I have resolved, or unresolved issues in my own life.
There is always some spiritual lesson to see if I'm mastering patience, compassion, wisdom, understanding, discernment or empathy.
It's as if God says, "See that? See what's unfolding in that person's life? Watch. Are you going to go with the prevailing attitudes, or are you going to dig a little deeper?...Now, what have you learned?"
There are some things that you don't want to believe about a person, but I suppose it is very easy to keep a rosy view of a stranger who has only indirectly
impacted your life. This stranger's impact, however, has been profound.
He is among those people you feel as IF you know, but you really
DON'T.
His talent has been a part of the fabric of my life.
From "I
Spy", to "The Bill Cosby Show", to "Fat Albert" to "Uptown Saturday
Night" and EVERYTHING else in which he appeared, he has been a
favorite-- the clean alternative to the MAN—the initially, squeaky clean, Richard Pryor.
When my
father was extremely ill, I bought some Cosby DVD's for him to watch. I
wanted my Dad to laugh, and I knew what would work--and it did. One year, we wondered what to buy my Dad as a present. Tickets to see Bill Cosby live in concert, was the perfect choice.
I just don't want to believe what I've been reading. Why would they lie? What if they aren't? Will it matter one bit to my daily routine? Has deception taken place, or is America guilty once again of failing to separate the real man from the characters he has portrayed?
Triggers in life are interesting, and this situation has pulled a few. We've all kept quiet about something that we see no point in dredging up today. We know it's just not going to go well.
We've all been prompted to stay mute about something, and the secret has neither served us, nor others.
We've all looked the other way.
We've all been used, rejected, and cast aside in some way.
We've all wanted to be believed and vindicated.
We've all trusted someone we should have avoided like a downed, live power line.
We've all failed to ask pertinent questions, and embrace confrontation. We've all foolishly stuck with something, someone, or some plan of action we should have abandoned.
We've all walked away from things and people, and never looked back, because the price to play along was too high.
We've all been lied on; made a fool of, or taken advantage of.
None of it makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
We've all done things, the memories of which, we wish we could erase.
The line Anne Northrop spoke in "12 Years A Slave" came to mind: "I have done dishonorable things to survive, and for all of them, I have ended up here."
We've all felt we didn't have a choice in a matter.
We've all asked ourselves "Was it worth it?", and the answer was a resounding "Hell no. If I had the chance to do it all again...."
We all know, now, that we ALWAYS have a choice. It's living, or not living with the consequences that can be tricky.
For some people, who have reached certain pinnacles in life, they feel that there's nowhere to go but down. There are other people, envious, angry, greedy, and covetous, who would like nothing more than to show them the way.
There is always a reason why we do what we do, but our actions may not always be excused or forgotten. Some actions will come back to haunt us--or torment us daily--unless we genuinely embrace forgiveness and grace-- for ourselves and for others.
Romans 12:19 reminds us of Deuteronomy 32:35. We never have to avenge ourselves. We have a superhero. What God can do, is so much more thorough than anything we can think of, in our efforts to get back at those who have hurt us. We have to remember, though, that the sword doesn't just swing in one direction. We should be very afraid of the mercy we refuse to show.
Does that mean that we fail to report crime? Of course not.
Feeling powerless, fearful, and having no faith in the systems in place that are supposed to protect us, however, keep many people silent.
Is it possible that an enemy is prospering because we decided to usurp the vengeance that belongs to God?
While we're putting people on blast because we feel we have a right to do so, and while we're itching to see people suffer for what they have done, God is watching and listening. The LAST thing I want is for God to assist my enemies (because of my big mouth or impatience) when he could be assisting ME.
Proverbs 24:17-18 is sobering.
"Do NOT gloat when your enemy falls; when they stumble, do NOT let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see, and disapprove, and turn his wrath AWAY from them".
No one wants to find out that their relative, mentor, friend, or favorite celebrity is a liar; deceitful, unfaithful, or a criminal.
No one wants to question the integrity of someone they've always loved, admired, or supported.
What's happening to Mr. Cosby could very well happen to any of us.
Everyone who knew you "When" is not dead. or suffering from some debilitating mental condition.
You didn't have to be impaired in any way at the time, but there are things about yourself that you don't even remember, but some not-so-well-meaning someone you used to know, has preserved the tape, the letter, the memo, the transcript---and they've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to trot it out in this unrestricted, indiscreet information age.
There's no taking things to one's grave anymore. No news outlet can report of the death of someone without reminding us all of the worse thing the deceased did in their lives.
God maintains his mode of operation for The Sea of Forgetfulness. No wading. No swimming. No fishing. Man, however, has other plans.
Who is to be believed?
There's always more to stuff than we think; two sides to every story; two sides to every person.
I consider myself. People have referred to me as "quiet", "nice" or "sweet". That's cool. It's how I prefer to be. I like peace. No. I crave it. I don't go around picking fights, starting arguments, or minding other people's business. (Wait. Isn't that the very nature of social networking? But I digress.) I don't go around bothering people. I don't start stuff. Going around looking for trouble, or creating conflict where none needs to exist, is not fun to me. I like being considered pleasant, and cooperative. I think most people aim at keeping peace and harmony, but I know that there's a ratchet, wounded, unfiltered, version of all of us somewhere deep inside. There is someone inside who has not always been been too bright. We've seen those broken people. Eeew. We know them. We don't mind when we see them emerge from others a la Jerry Springer Show, but we don't want to see the Hulk/Mr. Hyde in ourselves.
We all have another side that would leave others completely shocked.
I think about that when pushed to my limit. I may not say much, but I know that I am armed with a fairly decent vocabulary, and I forget very little.
I know that I don't even need profanity to inflict deep cuts. I know that I am of the "Be Seen and Not Heard Generation", and can be misjudged as passive...no...a punk.
The other side of all of us gains strength whenever we have failed to speak up when we should have.
Suppressing things we should have confronted or exposed, makes us all potentially dangerous, and can make us appear to be a little unstable. That is why it is imperative that we thoroughly clean out the storage spaces of our minds, and address things immediately. The repressed side of us all, has to be monitored. There is a reason why a part of us is not allowed out to play in public. Unsupervised Us will shut down the playground so that no one can slide or swing.
The annoying, arrogant, antagonistic bullies, who have had the misfortune of meeting the other side of us all, can attest to that.
As for me, I give the credit to Jesus and my dear, departed, wise mother for keeping ballistic, volcanic Vanessa under wraps.
My mother always insisted, "Don't make a scene", "Don't ever embarrass yourself", "Write it down, read it, and then tear it up.", "Always, be a lady".
What happens, though, when people get tired of being and keeping quiet, and watching evil appear to win? What happens when a window opens that allows wronged people to finally unite and unburden themselves-- even if statutes of limitation mean that there will be no justice?
Are victims okay with the ire, pestering, and annoyance of courts of public opinion, and temporary loss of income being the only repercussions?
Even evildoers have supporters. Not everyone will abandon ship. Not everyone will get mad just because you are.
It IS difficult to see people prospering when you KNOW what they've done to, or said about you or others. Some people can put things behind them and genuinely move on, allowing their own good life to be the best revenge. Others, however are hurting, consumed, and unable to crawl out of despair. The impact of life's occurrences have arrested and crippled them. They've been wronged and want everyone to know. They stew and simmer, and continue to bleed; never fully living the life they could because the past looms large. The desire to right the wrongs of the past, just won't go away. When they do finally get the opportunity to tell all, in what masquerades as getting justice, they forget that the light they generate isn't only going to shine on the perpetrators of their lives. It’s going to expose them, too.
Vengeance seekers have to be prepared for the covers to come off of every area of their own lives, too. Light will reveal totally unrelated, irrelevant, old stuff. Accused people are not content to go down without a fight if there's ammunition they can use. Accused people have no qualms throwing everything and everyone in sight under several buses. Vengeance seekers have to have clean hands, and not be worried about what may be revealed about them. Unfortunately, vengeance seekers are so busy in their mission, that they forget what they've left hanging in plain view in their own closets. Oh, they may get their man, but not before they, too, are dragged unmercifully through the mud, and forever painted in such a horrible light that people will begin to deem them deserving of the pain they suffered.
Fear of one's own missteps have a way of silencing people. Those who don't care what others think, and know that truth is on their side, are a different animal, altogether.
Certainly he doesn't need my pity, but I feel so sorry for Mr. Cosby. Somehow society has learned how to strip the humanity from people when they reach certain economic or professional plateaus. He is still a human being. There was a time when he was not well known. The soul of that person, who just wanted to make people laugh, still exists. He is not a young man. He has spent his life bringing joy to millions. To see worry and anxiety on his otherwise animated face is more proof that he is yet a human being. Ties are being severed daily. Money is proving to be more important than relationships.
Persecution is stressful. It seems that society is very, very good at hounding people, and these days we do it collectively, ruthlessly, and in real time.
Is he the perpetrator or the victim? Has he been taken down by the words of another Black man who perhaps jokingly, encouraged us all to look at him with a little more scrutiny?
Who is it that we have all been applauding?
As drama plays out in Ferguson, Missouri, is this, too, yet another attempt to devalue the life of a Black man?
I've only ever seen Mr. Cosby's extremely funny, responsible, intelligent, philanthropic side. Now people are talking about his legacy as if, by virtue of one Facebook post or tweet, his entire body of work, his family, his contributions to the world, and his life are all suddenly worthless.
My first thought when I read the allegations was, "Who has he made very, very, VERY angry?"
My second thought was that this is a huge attempt at distracting a lot of people.
On what should we be focusing?
Ebola?
Immigration reform?
Gas prices?
Election results? Terrorism? Unemployment?
Arsenic levels in rice?
High fructose corn syrup in everything?
Climate change?
Our OWN affairs?
Of course, I've thought about his accusers. I'm a woman. I have a daughter. I have sisters and nieces. I have a vested interest in what happens to women. I'm pro girl, but as a mother, I'm not pro stupid girls. Women must be honest. There are situations in which we place ourselves; choices we make; motives we have, behaviors we display, words we say, and ideas we share that can yield unfavorable results. There is no excuse for abuse--none. NONE. For some things that occur, however, we have no one to blame except ourselves. Many women have lied to save face. We cannot assume that everyone has good sense. It's true. When people tell us and show us who they are, we really do need to believe them. We have to think. Sometimes we invite ridicule and skepticism. Playing "Dumb and Ditzy Victim" after the fact is a failing strategy. It's not always the alcohol. Some things we have to own.
What is to be said of the accusers? Are they credible?
Is this extortion?
Were they silly?
Star-struck?
Groupies?
Scorned?
Opportunistic?
Broke?
Manipulative?
Gullible?
Were they, in the words of my grandmother, "Fast"? Were they afraid? Threatened?
Intimidated?
Powerless?
Did they see dollar signs and a ticket to fame, and have consensual sex with a married man, or were they drugged and raped by a heavily protected, highly respected criminal?
If it happened the way they said it happened, is there a percentage of the responsibility that falls into their laps?
What should they have known, not known, done, or not done?
Are these questions offensive or irrelevant? Does ambition get in the way of reason, common sense, and instincts?
Has the behavior of some women made it darn near impossible for women who have been brutally assaulted to get the justice they deserve?
I wasn't there. I'm just asking questions. Somebody, though, is lying and their pants or slacks are on fire.
The big question is, "Why now?" Why NOW? Is there strength in the numbers of women currently crawling
boldly out of the woodwork? Why DIDN'T they speak up, loudly and boldly before
now? Why NOW?
Luke 12:2 came to mind. "There is nothing concealed that
will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known."
Does that
apply to this?
It's as if a pact was made with the devil, and 2014 was the end of the ride. "For half a century, you can have the world--celebrity status, first class service, people at your beck and call, fortune, and more resources than you can consume, but one day, you will be branded a villain. Do you still want this fame? If so, sign on the dotted line".
I wonder if people who are clamoring to be famous are paying attention.
THIS is a commonly seen part of what one gets for daring to share one's talents with
the world. The barrage of accusations, the loss of business ventures,
the severing of relationships, the turning of backs, the ridicule,
speculation, and rumors, are all a part of the territory.
Is it worth it?
The whole thing makes me very sad. When you've been lied on and impacted by those who choose to believe AND spread the lie; when you've been affected by hearsay; when you have missed out on personal and professional opportunities because of the unkind words of someone whose words had weight, you tend to have a little more mercy for others, embrace clear evidence, facts and truth, and reserve comments and judgment. Even when all of the facts are in, you still use discretion.
Sometimes we forget about how God's grace works. It could very well be YOU in the hot seat....The only difference between him and everyone else is that his business is unfolding publicly...worldwide.
Not many people would be able to stand up against the pressure whether they're innocent or guilty of the accusations. The stress would be devastating. The sudden inability to do what one loves, and does well, would be tragic.
Many have drawn conclusions and have taken sides. There are things we all have to remember, though:
People DO collectively lie. People DO consent to behavior, and then have regret or backpedal afterward.
People DO use their authority, wealth, and power to commit crimes. People ARE protected by gullible cronies who value relationships with, and perks from powerful people more than they value the truth.
People DO target others who, in their opinion, have gotten too big for their britches.
People WILL place others upon pedestals, and high horses and then delight in toppling them.
People DO have utter disrespect for women. Some women DO seem to be on a mission to make all other women seem like opportunistic sluts.
People DO take advantage of the racist fabric of America. Crying rape against a Black man is nothing new in our country. Historically, who was most likely to be believed?
My heart goes out to everyone involved. I feel for Mrs. Cosby and her daughters. Some men don't truly feel the impact of the pain they have caused strangers, their exes, their girlfriends, the mothers of their children, and wives until they have daughters of their own--and have to stand by while some man treats their beloved offspring(s) with the same disdain and contempt as they would a bag of rotting garbage.
It is sobering when a man, looking into the eyes of his child, realizes that every woman he has encountered was someone's daughter.
But...what if he's innocent? Human beings have historically disregarded the truth, preferred to believe a lie, and indicted, persecuted and executed innocent people. Apologies after the fact just don't cut it or bring relief to accused individuals and their families. When it comes to accusations, and taking sides, the watchword is "caution".
********************************************************
I was watching "Whoopi Goldberg: Direct From Broadway". Her character Fontaine's monologue included a segment about a visit to a Holocaust exhibition. It was also a lesson on compassion and hope. Every day it's clear how much we need to cultivate them both. There is so much that can cause us to be jaded, and rightly so.
"These folks were stuck in this room for two years and it wasn't like they was living...non movement...no noise...They sat-- with no sound...Nerve wracking ain't it? Yeah, and I discovered...I couldn't do it. See, I'd a HAD to make some noise and mess up. You know, and I realized that was really a stupid way to do things. You know, because, why cut off your nose to spite your face? And when that hit me, so did the fact that I was in an empty room, crying...See wasn't nobody in there saying they was gonna kick my ass. You know, wasn't nothin' in there threatening me. I said, "No, this don't have nothin' to do with me. Get me out", and I ran to the door, but I got stopped by a big sign that said, "In spite of everything, I still believe people are good at heart." I said, What?!...Of course Anne Frank could say that. She was a child."
~Whoopi Goldberg, as Fontaine
P.S. The first daughters don't need any outside help in the style and class department. Their mom clearly has a handle on that. 
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