I got some news today that made me very angry, but I could have scripted it myself. I saw it coming, yet, "I told you so" stayed in my head. Funny how you won't defend yourself, but you're quick to go to bat for someone else. I was more angry because I had made my concerns about a person's rather strange, intrusive behavior known, and they were largely laughed off and ignored. Today, because he was not shown boundaries when he should have been, he, of course, crossed them. It left a young woman frightened, her mother furious, and him scrambling for an explanation that would hold water.
I just had a few questions. What was an almost 65 year old, married man doing contacting a young lady at her university? How did he get her phone number? What did he want? Why didn't he think his actions were highly inappropriate considering he was neither her friend nor family, but a friend OF a family member of hers?
I'd witnessed bizarre behavior before, so I was not surprised as I listened to the excuses he had given. I WAS surprised when his actions were defended and excused away as "thoughtful" by the one person who had the authority to shut it down. Some cockamamie story about his "always checking up on college kids from church" was given. The young lady doesn't even attend his church! Why didn't he phone her mother if he was so concerned? I didn't buy any of it. I advised the mother to block his number from her daughter's phone. At least that way, she wouldn't have to get any more rambling text messages and voice mails from someone with whom she was not even remotely close.
The creepy guy's story satisfied the family member, and the student and her mother were accused of overreacting--which made the mother question the loyalty of the family member--her own father--who, it was discovered, gave his granddaughter's phone number to the guy without her permission.
One of the things children need is to know that they are safe. They need to know that they will be heard. They need to know that their parents have their backs, and no one will be able to wedge themselves where they don't belong. No real friend will attempt to negatively impact your family. No real friend will repeatedly cause dissension. No friend will harass your family.
Some people are just too familiar. Some people go too far, and it's hard to complain when you're the one who gave them the ticket to ride, and they begin to visit themselves on your extended family in the creepiest ways. Some people really do believe they have rights and privileges in your life by virtue of their relationship with someone in your family. That's fine if that's what YOU want. When it isn't, there's a huge problem that may end with someone getting their feelings hurt---or a restraining order delivered to their door.
Often people labor under the misapprehension that friendship with your parent automatically means friendship with YOU, and access to you and your children. It can begin when you're a child and follow you into adulthood. They don't seem to know that familiarity STILL breeds contempt. "I thought we were family" is often uttered as an excuse for extreme nosiness, and the unwelcome taking of liberties.
Be a little more cognizant of the rights, privileges, and courtesies you extend, the information you share, and the access you grant. These things can't be spread out all willy nilly-- especially if you have children. When people come into your home and act as if they have the same rights and privileges as your children, seeds of a bigger problem may be sown.
"Make yourself at home" isn't something you can say to everyone. They'll rummage through your refrigerator, dirty hands and all, while your shocked children look on. No one should be allowed to do ANYTHING in your home that you have forbidden your children to do. Never place your children on the defensive against your friends while you languish in the middle.
Familiar spirits WISH they were family, and would like nothing better than to destroy the harmony in yours. Don't enable them--and don't infuriate your children by forcing people upon them, or relaxing rules for others that your children couldn't break any day of the week.
Mind those who will throw YOUR own children under the bus in order to have a relationship or business association with you.
Be more discerning what you share with people concerning your children. People need not know EVERYTHING that's going on in your home.
Parents, your children shouldn't be confronted with their personal business every time they encounter your friends. If you want your children to trust and confide in you, respect the things they tell you, and keep your mouth shut. Don't be the reason your children are humiliated. Don't be the reason they clam up and shut down. Don't use them as fodder for your conversations with people they may not like or trust.
Some people will work diligently, right under your nose, to create and maintain confusion and division in your family. That slick, manipulative devil is a liar whose scheme is to convince you that he is either innocent and harmless, or doesn't exist at all. Watch those grown people who delight in picking on your children or discussing their flaws. If you can't be your child's cheerleader, keep your mouth shut.
Friends are great. Spawns of satan are not. When people are poised to wreak havoc in your family, doggone it, SAY SOMETHING to them. DO something. NIP IT! Recognize that their agenda isn't a healthy one. Stand up for your family. If you don't have any boundaries around yourself, at least respect your family and protect them from people who they TELL you make them uncomfortable.
Don't give your adult child's phone numbers or address to your friends, or ANYONE without their permission. Don't put your children into situations where they may have to defend themselves against the behavior of your friends. When your children tell you something, listen. Your friends may be friends to YOU, but they are virtual nightmares to your children. Pay attention. Don't be so hard pressed to keep a friend or business associate that you alienate your own children, or cause them to question YOUR judgment.
Don't allow familiar spirits to wreck your home.
I just had a few questions. What was an almost 65 year old, married man doing contacting a young lady at her university? How did he get her phone number? What did he want? Why didn't he think his actions were highly inappropriate considering he was neither her friend nor family, but a friend OF a family member of hers?
I'd witnessed bizarre behavior before, so I was not surprised as I listened to the excuses he had given. I WAS surprised when his actions were defended and excused away as "thoughtful" by the one person who had the authority to shut it down. Some cockamamie story about his "always checking up on college kids from church" was given. The young lady doesn't even attend his church! Why didn't he phone her mother if he was so concerned? I didn't buy any of it. I advised the mother to block his number from her daughter's phone. At least that way, she wouldn't have to get any more rambling text messages and voice mails from someone with whom she was not even remotely close.
The creepy guy's story satisfied the family member, and the student and her mother were accused of overreacting--which made the mother question the loyalty of the family member--her own father--who, it was discovered, gave his granddaughter's phone number to the guy without her permission.
One of the things children need is to know that they are safe. They need to know that they will be heard. They need to know that their parents have their backs, and no one will be able to wedge themselves where they don't belong. No real friend will attempt to negatively impact your family. No real friend will repeatedly cause dissension. No friend will harass your family.
Some people are just too familiar. Some people go too far, and it's hard to complain when you're the one who gave them the ticket to ride, and they begin to visit themselves on your extended family in the creepiest ways. Some people really do believe they have rights and privileges in your life by virtue of their relationship with someone in your family. That's fine if that's what YOU want. When it isn't, there's a huge problem that may end with someone getting their feelings hurt---or a restraining order delivered to their door.
Often people labor under the misapprehension that friendship with your parent automatically means friendship with YOU, and access to you and your children. It can begin when you're a child and follow you into adulthood. They don't seem to know that familiarity STILL breeds contempt. "I thought we were family" is often uttered as an excuse for extreme nosiness, and the unwelcome taking of liberties.
Be a little more cognizant of the rights, privileges, and courtesies you extend, the information you share, and the access you grant. These things can't be spread out all willy nilly-- especially if you have children. When people come into your home and act as if they have the same rights and privileges as your children, seeds of a bigger problem may be sown.
"Make yourself at home" isn't something you can say to everyone. They'll rummage through your refrigerator, dirty hands and all, while your shocked children look on. No one should be allowed to do ANYTHING in your home that you have forbidden your children to do. Never place your children on the defensive against your friends while you languish in the middle.
Familiar spirits WISH they were family, and would like nothing better than to destroy the harmony in yours. Don't enable them--and don't infuriate your children by forcing people upon them, or relaxing rules for others that your children couldn't break any day of the week.
Mind those who will throw YOUR own children under the bus in order to have a relationship or business association with you.
Be more discerning what you share with people concerning your children. People need not know EVERYTHING that's going on in your home.
Parents, your children shouldn't be confronted with their personal business every time they encounter your friends. If you want your children to trust and confide in you, respect the things they tell you, and keep your mouth shut. Don't be the reason your children are humiliated. Don't be the reason they clam up and shut down. Don't use them as fodder for your conversations with people they may not like or trust.
Some people will work diligently, right under your nose, to create and maintain confusion and division in your family. That slick, manipulative devil is a liar whose scheme is to convince you that he is either innocent and harmless, or doesn't exist at all. Watch those grown people who delight in picking on your children or discussing their flaws. If you can't be your child's cheerleader, keep your mouth shut.
Friends are great. Spawns of satan are not. When people are poised to wreak havoc in your family, doggone it, SAY SOMETHING to them. DO something. NIP IT! Recognize that their agenda isn't a healthy one. Stand up for your family. If you don't have any boundaries around yourself, at least respect your family and protect them from people who they TELL you make them uncomfortable.
Don't give your adult child's phone numbers or address to your friends, or ANYONE without their permission. Don't put your children into situations where they may have to defend themselves against the behavior of your friends. When your children tell you something, listen. Your friends may be friends to YOU, but they are virtual nightmares to your children. Pay attention. Don't be so hard pressed to keep a friend or business associate that you alienate your own children, or cause them to question YOUR judgment.
Don't allow familiar spirits to wreck your home.
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