TUESDAY THOUGHTS: ARE YOU A LEADER?

A few weeks ago, I got a message from a new friend, Minister Karen McCombs, informing me that Apostle Elisha Lawson would be preaching in Waldorf, Maryland. 

I met Karen at Jesus World Outreach Center in Heidelberg, Germany.  

It took a women's conference, held in another country, to bring a new person into my life--a person who at most times during her day is only a half-hour drive away.

 

I was especially glad to hear that Apostle Lawson was in town, and thought it would be nice to see and hear him, considering the wonderful hospitality he and his family had shown me while in Heidelberg.

I've heard many impressive preachers. 

God has a fantastic way, however, of hiding personalities just enough for me to hear from Him. 

He allows me to avoid getting tangled up in matters of style of delivery-- which have the potential to either dazzle, annoy, induce sleep, bore, or humor. 

God is just good like that. Be it good news or chastisement, He makes sure I hear what he wants me to hear. 

"That's the measuring stick for you" He says. "When you cannot hear Me, you'll know it." 

The test, however, lies in what I do with the information I receive.

God, in my world, would be the guy who gets kicked out of the movie theater for talking too much during the film. 

He talks ALL THE TIME! 

He spoke through Apostle Lawson while I was in Germany, as He always does, because, well, he knows me: I'm a lover of safety, security and peace, a little sensitive, non-confrontational, and fragile sometimes-- with feelings that have a death grip on my sleeves, and prone to smile when I'd rather cry. 

Bishop Andrew Merritt once told me I was an individual "motivated by mercy". When I asked him to explain, he said, "You'll let someone slap you upside the head, and then give them 10 reasons why you think you deserved it".

If I were an animal, I could be a really good bear--just for the hibernation part. 

 There are times when I am alone, that I am reassured of God's love and care. 

It's a lovely, serene place. 

I so appreciate it, 'cause God knows, I detest stress, drama, and unnecessary noise. 

(Note to self: Find out when the Pentagon started issuing fireworks to consumers in my neighborhood.)

I was invited to a conference in Italy a few years ago, where I met Apostle Lawson and his wife Minister Phyllis. 

From that meeting, I was extended an invitation to their church in Germany, and I traveled there this past January. 

There, I met Karen, who lives and worships in Maryland. 

I live in Washington, DC. (It's true. God knows a lot of people!) 

Karen and I promised, as we often do when we meet new people, that we would keep in touch. You know the drill:

Kiss, kiss, hug, hug. "Give me your number, okay? Now call me, Girl! That's home, and cell. Let's do lunch or something! You got e-mail? Ooh, Chile that's even better!"

...and, of course, we don't often keep our promises. 

Instead, we get back home, dump out our purses, see the card or scrap piece of paper, stare at it, scratch our heads and ask ourselves, "Now Lawd, who the heck is THIS?" 

I'm glad I didn't discard Karen's contact information, and she didn't discard mine.

Karen shared all of the information with me concerning Apostle Lawson's ministry assignment in Maryland. 

Depending on traffic, Waldorf is about a 35 minute drive.

 

I'm not one to run to every meeting and conference. 

Okay. Let's face it. I'm not one to run, period. 

Rushing is not my friend, and I've only recently learned how to say, "You know, I don't think I want to do that". 

It shocks some people who were used to me saying "yes" to everything, but I found I had a lot less stress. 

 Pleasing people can be exhausting! Sometimes I think we have been "conferenced" so much that we're fat with a lot of information, with which, we do little or nothing. 

We could probably have our own conferences with all the notebooks, folders, CD's and DVD's we collect. 

 Maybe one day someone will have something called "The Conference Swap" where everyone just brings their collections, and trade all day.

It's true. Mommy always said, "Baby, you just can't eat everything, everywhere", but there are so many times when you are compelled by something other than your own desire, want or need. 

God can, and will change your mind and give you the energy to move to where he wants you to be--and in a hurry.

It was a Friday night. I had braided my hair, and really didn't feel like going out. I was looking a little more like Miss Jane Pittman than a Smallwood singer, and having one of those days when nothing I owned seemed to look, or fit right. 

I was getting discouraged, and this AFTER I had given yet more stuff away, and was confident that I was finally down to the clothes I actually wore. 

I was beginning to tell myself that I wasn't going. I took off my jacket, and my mind was on popcorn. 

I've done it before--planned to go somewhere, and then found myself on the sofa in a slip, eating popcorn, and watching an old movie, or some PBS documentary. 

I'm a homebody with a capital H, and another peaceful night at home was beginning to sound a whole lot better than heading down Indian Head Highway toward Route 228. 

This time, though, the Lord put a little fire under me--His usually passive, slow moving child. 

I think he even put a spotlight on the already ironed clothes, and everything else I needed to make myself presentable in a hurry.
I got the directions, headed out, and found the church so easily that I shocked myself.

When I got there, I could hear singing, and was anxious to get inside. A very pleasant usher smiled and asked me if I was a minister, or a guest of the Pastor. I laughed and said, "No", but I noticed that she looked puzzled. 

"Well, welcome! You can follow me". 

As soon as I sat down, a tall elderly man, who looked a lot like my late grandfather, began speaking. 

It wasn't Apostle Lawson, and I thought for a second that I wasn't in the right place. 

The gentleman was talking about giving. 

He said that he knew he had become known for being able to motivate others to sow more generously. He said he also knew that his unique, persuasive ability had become overused by certain minister friends of His. 

He said that the Lord spoke to Him concerning the way he had allowed himself to be used, and he knew he had to begin declining the invitations of certain ministries. 

He had prayed, however, about this day. 

The Lord instructed him to accept this pastor's request to minister to the people concerning their offerings. 

In obedience to God, he said that he would also be laying hands on everyone as they gave.

I don't know why I got a little antsy, but I'd come with an offering, and was happy for the opportunity to sow into the good ground I'd experienced in Germany. 

As I stood in the line, I saw Karen coming my way. 

She greeted me, and then pointed out Apostle Lawson. 

I felt better that I was in the right place, and looked forward to hearing a good message. 

She also pointed out where she was seated, and told me to come and sit with her. Now, I grew up in a house with a Navy veteran father who knows everything about Parliamentary Procedure and Roberts Rules of Order. For me, being OUT of order was, and is a no-no, and I quickly noticed that Karen wasn't sitting with the "regular" people. 

She was sitting two pews behind the Pastor-- among other ministers and their spouses. I was going to end up sitting where the nice usher was trying to seat me when I arrived.

I allowed Karen to get in front of me in the line. 

As I placed my offering in the basket, the minister laid his hand on mine. 

Except for a few people, he had just quickly touched others on the back of their hands or foreheads, and they were on their way back to their seats. 

I figured I would be zipping through the line as well, but when I turned to go, my hand didn't come with me. 

He told me to look up, then asked, "Are you a leader?" 

There was nothing calming in his tone. I was stunned. 

"Mister", I thought, "please don't embarrass me". 

I honestly wasn't in the mood for Christian Psychic Friends spiel: In 29 days, 3 weeks. and 6 hours when you're sitting under a tree, the Lord is getting ready to do thus and so..." 

I was not interested in some silly prediction, followed by the customary unholy hug. 

His grip on my hand wasn't tight, but it was firm. 

I just wanted there to be a trap door that I could fall through!

WHY don't churches have trap doors when you need them? 

I couldn't speak. I wanted to tell him I was just a lay member, but nothing would come out! 

His voice got stronger.
"Are you a leader, I said!?"
I shook my head, "No".

I had declared a moratorium on church antics. 

I was done with people who were as equally willing and prepared to kill me, as they were to bless me. 

I had no more patience with modern-day Nebuchadnezzars who enrich themselves by seeking out people to use and oppress-- in the name of Jesus. 

I was not interested in playing along. 

I just wanted him to let me go back to my seat, and stop prolonging the service. 

Id come to hear Apostle Lawson, not to be the reluctant volunteer in this stranger's spiritual show.

"Are you a leader?"
Again, I shook my head, "No". 

What did I do that for? He seemed to get angry.
"Are you a leader?"

I wanted him to stop- maybe get disgusted enough with me to give up. 

I tried to say, "No" but no sound came. 

Once again, I shook my head, "No"--not because I didn't think I could be a leader, but because "leader" had taken on a grievous connotation. 

Leadership meant being saddled with expectations, demands, judgment, disappointment, titles, promises, position, and duties.

Leadership meant being bound and required to bow. 

Leadership meant allegiance, accountability, oppression and manipulation. 

One thing the enemy should have never allowed me to do was learn to read. It's not difficult to determine the legitimacy and biblical accuracy of what one sees and hears. 

If one really wants to see what's going on, it's not hard. 

Too often though, many benefit from dishonesty, and their leadership positions depend upon deception and maintaining the status quo. 

If you're going to prosper, or be a leader in some circles, the requirements may definitely secure your favor with man, but they will certainly put you at dangerous odds with God. 

 I had to rethink the notion of leadership being a bad thing, in the same way I had to examine my thoughts concerning business.

One of my heroes is the little boy in the story, "The Emperor's New Clothes". 

Truth telling shouldn't be a dangerous venture, especially in the house of God, but you can get yourself in a heap of trouble for not going along with the program. 

Many people would rather pass on the titles and positions if it means displeasing God.

I do so love God's Word. It is so much better than my own opinions and ideas, and I love sharing it. 

It seems to me that the only authorization needed to share it is a genuine relationship with God. 

I'm all for higher learning, but anyone can acquire or manufacture a degree. 

A lot of preaching and teaching I've heard proves it. 

The credibility that letters bring shouldn't crumble the minute one opens one's mouth. 

The desire for notoriety and material gain has spawned many who look the part, but have about as much business in a pulpit as a ferret.

My Daddy the deacon always said, "There are a whole lotta corners, highways and hedges out there. Everybody in the body ought to have SOMETHING to say about Jesus, even if it's just that Jesus saves!"

Daddy also used to say, "Never toot your own horn". 

That, too, became part of the fabric of who I am. 

I also grew up hearing, with authority, that God "never called a woman to preach"--that was, until my Daddy heard Carrie Surratt and Violet Fisher. 

Funny how you have to unlearn some things....

"Minister" was always affixed to my name because I sang--almost like a nickname-and it was a verb, not a noun. 

There's something very sobering and serious about a pulpit. 

It is no place to play around. 

I am convinced that our God is quite a character, because the last place I have ever wanted to be is in front of people--grown people, that is. 

Children are a different story--all love, brutal honesty, and very little judgment or rejection. 

But I digress...

The gentleman seemed to be exasperated with me as he continued his leadership inquiry, and I began to cry, because inside, I knew he had read me like a really good book.

"You're a leader! Yes you are! Yes you are, and you KNOW you are!"
I felt so vulnerable and tired. There were tears in his eyes, and his voice was suddenly more compassionate.
"Stop being slow! You know who you are! It's all over you. I can hardly stand it! You know what God has called you to do! Stop being afraid! Stop hiding and letting people make you afraid!"

He said more, and it seemed as if everyone was staring at me. 

I could hear other people crying. 

It felt as if I was standing there for an eternity. 

Here I was in a church I'd never attended, being admonished by a stranger. 

I was thinking that there were only two people there who I knew, and who knew me. 

God showed me that I was hungry and needed to be refreshed. 

I had begun settling in to my very comfortable comfort zone.  God wasn't having it. 

He let me know that I had allowed myself to be distracted, affected, infected, disillusioned, and that relief was in reach. 

He assured me that He was with me everywhere I went, and that I couldn't hide or shake His hand on my life even if I tried--and believe me, I've tried. 

He let me know that there was a reason why difficult, nasty, mean, abrasive people kept showing up at various intervals in my life, and that their hatred and bullying was not to inspire fear and insecurity, but faith and assurance in His power. 

He reminded me that Goliath had brothers, and there was no time out, or vacation time in this army.

In order for me to get to my seat, I had to pass Apostle Lawson. 

It seemed that he and the minister had the same look on their faces that said, "Forget about why you think you're here. This is a set up".

This man had traveled all the way from Germany, I had gotten a 24-hour notification, and there was something that God went to a lot of trouble for me to hear.

I went to my seat and Minister Karen was crying, and praising God, too. "That's why you're here", she said. 

She hugged me and gave me some tissues. 

We had talked a few days prior about purpose and callings and destiny--which seem to be the church buzzwords these days. 

We'd talked about how people see what God has done, and want to harness it for themselves, take ownership, claim glory, and then begin to oppress and bind others. 

 We talked about being able to discern the right time to move. 

We talked about the inclination to worship, serve, and honor people more than we reverence God. 

We talked about the absurdity of satan trying to offer Jesus a world that was already His. 

In that same light, we talked about people who come with promises to establish you, and make your name great, but not without affixing a hefty, dangerous price. 

We talked about being so disillusioned with the game that church life can be--especially the futility in attempting to manufacture a reasonable facsimile of God's presence in order to dazzle and attract people. 

We talked about how YouTube clips are being uploaded every day that make a mockery of our houses of worship, as camera operators zero in on everything except what's most vital. 

We also talked about how many reject programs and rituals, and abandon churches altogether in pursuit of the God in whom they first believed.

After the singers ministered, Apostle Lawson stood. 

His message was "Established In Righteousness". 

I was not just there to sit and holler "Preach!", or clap, or suddenly stand when he said something clever. 

I wasn't there to support a preacher friend. 

I was there to hear a word sent from God--not a new revelation, but a loving reminder.

How do we approach the House of God, and whose house is it, anyway? This time it was GOD who was saying, "I don't know what YOU came to do..."

It's a sad day when we stop seeing ourselves in the Light of God and allow fear, oppression and terror to grip us and block His presence and drown out His voice. 

I'm just grateful for the mercy and grace that finds us even when we're not particularly looking for it. 

If we're going to be established in a way that really counts--if we're going to be anything even remotely pleasing to God, it must be in HIS righteousness, HIS way. 

If we don't put God first, we'll sincerely, but ignorantly think that we are something special in our own deceptive, self-centered world. 

How tragic it would be for our own world to end with the startling words, "I never knew you" from the one you said was your closest friend.

7/6/2009