It was something she chose to do, that she thought would be fun. No one had to pay, sign up, or make any sacrifice. It was something she voluntarily does as a courtesy, however it has become, in the minds of some, a habit, an expectation--an entitlement even--for which they feel they can make demands, or complain about if she doesn’t deliver.
The weird backlash she got, proves that you just can't please some people. Give even an inch--for free--and they want the whole yardstick. At what point does “fan” morph into “owner”, or “supervisor”? She’s done so much for others for years. The one time she had to consider her own affairs first, she got pushback, hostile enough that she felt compelled to explain and apologize. Who’s owed all of that?
Several years ago, after watching Whitney Houston's funeral, I wrote a poem titled “Just To Sing A Song”.
Perhaps it should mean something, or even be heartwarming to hear an eulogist say to the mourners (and I’m paraphrasing), “They did all it for you”.
I was struck by those words. Are the mourners supposed to be appreciative, grateful, feel special, or guilt ridden because they were the recipients of “all”?
What exactly IS all?
Did the intended recipients of "all" even know, or care that they were getting "all"? Could the deceased have chilled out a bit, attended to their own affairs, or brought it down a notch with all of their “all-giving”? Would they still be alive and well if they had?
When did creatives stop being people who need rest, breaks, retreat, downtime, me-time, or grace to attend to the same type of emergencies, priorities, and changes that impact everyone else? Are they to always put themselves last?
Do mourners wish they could tell the once busy deceased, that “all” was not, and never was what they as family, friends, associates, colleagues, listeners, fans, or consumers, ever required, demanded, nor asked for?
ALL? Who’s that really for? Is it required? Is it a necessary part of the territory of creatives, or is it self-imposed? Are “going out empty”, and “leaving everything on the table”, just life-draining myths? Is “all” a sign of dedication, or workaholism? Is out-of-sight-out-of-mind a real fear that causes people to think they have to go, go, go, and give, give, give non-stop?
Does rest require permission? How do the simple wishes, of creative people, to sing, play, recite, construct, or perform, become so fraught with negativity, pain, exhaustion, addiction, frustration, and fear of disappointment?
Where does the joy go?
Does the introduction of money and business, hangers-on, and opportunists alter, affect, and impact not only the artist, but the art?
The sharing with the world, community, or even one’s circle of friends, of gifts and talents shouldn’t culminate in tragedy, loss, disability, confusion, strife, destruction, or dysfunction…should it?
I can be a fan of, and love what someone does, but their life, health, and well-being, and their necessary attention to it all, mean more to me than a show.
This notion of running oneself ragged, because it’s expected, is ridiculous...and for what?
A friend's social media post about "unplugging" for a while, made me cheer for her. Knowing when to pull off of the busy road and refresh—and doing it—is a physical, mental, and spiritual game-changer. Anyone who truly cares about people, as opposed to what they produce, wouldn’t complain about that. They’d encourage and understand it.
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