As the pandemic ebbs and flows, if you're spotted, even once, outside of your usual habitat, those out-of-the-blue inbox messages begin to flow, too:
“I was gonna call, but I couldn't find your number."
"I was gonna call, but they said you were probably unavailable.”
“I was gonna call, but they said you wouldn’t be interested.”
“I was gonna call, but they said I had to go through _________ .”
"I was gonna call, but they said you'd left the area."
“I was gonna call, but they said you might not be a good fit.”
"I was gonna call, but it was too late by then."
“I was gonna call, but they said since you've worked with _____________, I might not be able to afford it.”
“I was gonna call and invite you, but, _________ was gonna be there, too.”
“I was gonna call, but they said you might not show up.”
“I was gonna call, but after you said "no" the last time, it was a wrap.”
"I was gonna call, but I thought you might be uncomfortable."
“I was gonna call, but I heard you retired.”
“I was gonna call, but ______________ volunteered ‘cause they said they needed the work more.”
“I was gonna call, but you’ve had enough exposure, haven't you?”
“I was gonna call, but we need someone to really hype the people. You're too laid back.”
“I was gonna call, but we decided to go with a younger person.”
“I was gonna call, but so-and-so said we had enough people.”
“I was gonna call, but I heard you only work with so-and-so.”
"I was gonna call, but they said you're not sharp enough."
I was gonna call, but it's been a while since you had a product for sale."
“I was gonna call, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want to do it.”
“I was gonna call, but I thought you were mad at me.”
“I was gonna call, but I didn’t know how to reach you.”
“I was gonna call, but they said I shouldn’t use you for that anymore.”
“I was gonna call, but we decided to go in a different direction.”
"I was gonna call, but they gave me the wrong information."
"I was gonna call, but I don't know what happened!"
Face it. There are some calls you were never going to get then, or now. There are some calls that you’re better off not getting.
Be thankful--particularly for some stuff you didn't even know about.
If you're not visible, or moving in certain circles, some people think that what you are engaged in, isn't important, or you're not doing anything at all. If they're not employing you, they conclude (sometimes with glee) that you're not being employed.
(By the way, who are "they", and how is it perceived that "they" know more about what's going on with you than you do? How do "they" get the first call concerning you? What are you? Mute? In the witness protection program? In a cave? Off the grid? Invisible?...lol
The excuses people make,
the stories/lies they tell,
the untruths they accept from others as fact,
the bridges they've burned,
the unnecessary competitions they launch,
the seedy reputations they've cultivated,
the rumors they spread,
the seeds of discord they sow,
the disorganization they foster,
the shady business practices they employ,
the assumptions they convert to facts,
the untenable work environments they're known for,
the promises they fail to deliver,
their tendency to procrastinate,
and their lack of consistency and integrity, are all good reasons to be relieved that your name wasn't, isn't, and won't be in the running.
Sometimes you have to be grateful for what wasn't--for what didn't happen--even because of a deliberate slight. Some doors needed to close. The pandemic was quite adept at orchestrating that.
With the calls you do get now, use discretion and wisdom. "No" is still a complete sentence.
You know yourself.
You know in what ways you've changed.
Take into account your strengths and weaknesses, and your willingness-- and even your desire to do one thing or another.
Consider the territory. The things you enjoy, even when there's work involved, shouldn't be miserable and stressful. Don't backpedal into chaos just to be busy or seen.
Patience and discernment are your friends. Participation costs. Can you afford it, financially, mentally, physically, and or spiritually? Do you really want to engage in pre-pandemic pay-to-play? If you have to rationalize stuff, you already know what's up. You've been there before.
You don't have to be in everything, everywhere, with everybody. The need to stay relevant begs the question, "Relevant to whom?"
There are enough people who know, trust, and have confidence in you. They know your disposition, skills, work ethic, and body of work. That's why they don't make excuses. They follow through. They don't play petty games. They're not manipulative, or out to hurt your feelings. They know what you bring to the table. They focus on the principal thing, and have observed that you do, too. They value you, and your time.
Pace yourself. You have survived a global pandemic, and are precisely where you need to be.
Remember, “all that glitters, is not gold”. Don’t be fooled or discouraged by the busyness you see. Social media is full of it. Many people are not engaged in business, they’re simply busy, often to their own detriment, and there’s little, below the surface, that’s glamorous, redeeming, impressive, or envy-inspiring about their hustles, grinds, schemes, and plans.
You haven’t been left behind or forgotten. You’ve been sustained. You've been rescued. You've been spared. You've been refreshed. Your steps have been ordered. Your way has been cleared to pursue and accept honest, enjoyable, substantive, even lucrative opportunities.
Be careful not to think you’ve been left out of stuff that is far from being in your best interest. Some things need to be tossed when their expiration date arrives. Don't lament not being among people who only care about what you can do for them, or only call when they're in a bind, or need something (for free).
Don’t lament being excluded from toxicity, trouble, or mess, in situations where you are disrespected or dispensable. Embrace the genuine and the authentic, and for heaven's sake, know your worth.
Go where you are welcomed.
Do your very best when you get there.
Teach, and remain teachable.
You still have much to offer.
Right now, your name is being spoken in rooms you don’t even know exist, either by people you’ve yet to meet, or people who've long hoped to engage you. They will neither mishandle, overwork, nor take you for granted. Prepare to be productive and appreciated. Stay gracious and thankful.
Perhaps people will always wonder why you’re not occupying certain places and spaces. Those who truly matter, will know. Others will speculate, and make up narratives that suit them. Let them. Marsha Burns said, "You're not an outcast where it really counts".
Preserve your peace, as well as your health, well-being, talents, and resources for what’s next in these (sort of) post-pandemic streets.
It’s corny and cliche, but true: What’s for you, is for you. What seems to have passed you by, what you were denied, cheated out of, excluded from, or what others may think you missed out on, was divinely deliberate.
Rest assured, there’s always someone who’ll report on the bullet you dodged by not being where someone was sure you would want to be. Some well meaning busybody will always spill the tea about why "you should be so glad you weren’t there".
Be wise in this season. Now’s the time to answer the calls that will feed, as opposed to drain and frustrate you; calls that'll remind you what service, cooperation, collaboration, community, and fun really mean. Perhaps, they've already started.
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