QUARANTINE LIFE: EATS

It’s been a lazy day. 

I didn’t feel like cooking, but did have a hankering for a tuna sub or sandwich. I’d bought some Dave’s Killer whole wheat bread to try for the first time, and have some hoagie rolls in the freezer. There was already an egg boiled, too.

I took out a bowl, mustard, mayonnaise, relish, celery and black pepper. 

I opened the cabinet and took out the can of tuna I’d added to a DoorDash convenience order last week, in anticipation of just the kind of don’t-feel-like-cooking-day that today was. 

I opened the small can at the sink to do the customary draining of excess water, only there was none. The tuna was unusually dry. Had it passed its expiration date? That’s when I looked closely at the can. 

It wasn’t Bumblebee, Chicken of the Sea, or SafeCatch solid white albacore. It was 9 Lives. 

Nine… not intended for a deli-style, human sub … lives. There it was. Meaty pate. A dense, smelly cake of coral-colored mush. 

I stared at it and wondered, “What am I gonna do with this?” 

None of my neighbors have cats.

I’m so glad I looked at that can. So glad I didn’t ruin a perfectly good boiled egg. So glad that revelation preceded consumption. 

I checked the 12/3 order on the app to see if I’d made the mistake. I hadn’t. I texted for help from customer service. I wasn’t surprised to be told it was too late for DoorDash to rectify the situation. They were sorry and suggested that I contact them sooner the next time I have a problem. 

Let’s hope there is no next time.

Lessons learned:

No more lazy, late evening  DoorDash orders. 7-Eleven is right there… like RIGHT there.

No more ordering tuna from DoorDash.

No more un-bagging stuff in dim light.

No more being so happy, in a moment, about the one thing among others that you really want (Cool Ranch Doritos), that you don’t pay attention to everything else. 

When I think of how close I came to consuming cat food— how for 7 days, I had a can of cat food in the cabinet—and I don’t even own a cat. 

Lawd.

It’s funny now, but in that moment, I was a little annoyed. However, when I considered I had options; I won’t starve. I have food to eat, even if it meant exerting a little extra effort), the annoyance passed. 

Now. What to fix? As you’ve probably guessed, the hankering for tuna has subsided.