I finally ventured out of my neighborhood yesterday to personally handle something that's been on hold for a while. I admit, I was a little nervous. When I started the car, it was as if it knew it was going farther than the usual spin around the neighborhood to keep the gears greased. The car hesitated, as if to say, "We're going WHERE? The BELTWAY?"
I felt like a kid on a field-trip. Everything looked strange and new. There's a whole WALL coming up on Indian Head Highway.
I went inside an establishment for the first time since March. I took a 19 oz. can of professional scent Lysol--the original scent--with me, and carried it like a clutch. I had extra masks and rubber gloves. After trying to do my part to flatten the curve, and seeing selfishness and craziness play out on TV and social media all of 2020, as people balked guidelines, argued with, and assaulted strangers, I knew I would have no problem unleashing the power that is a cloud, or layer of Lysol all over anyone who approached me unmasked. Fortunately, the 4 people I encountered knew the drill, and were cautious and masked, too.
Business was done, and I drove back home on the slightly full tank of gas I purchased in August.
Yes. Everything I wore ended up in the washing machine...I ran myself through the 'car wash", too, as if I'd visited Chernobyl, and even gargled with old school, brown Listerine.
I made myself some hot chocolate, and climbed in bed at around 4. I admit, the outing wore me out, but I hadn't intended to fall asleep. I think my tiredness was more mental than physical. It wasn't like I was doing any of the heavy lifting. There simply hasn't been anyplace I've had to go since the lock down last year. The place I'd planned to be, and spend a good deal of time, has been closed since March. I've declined invitations to gather in person, and there's been nothing that has actually demanded my presence. Going out yesterday was necessary, but was still a choice. There are some things you can relegate to others, but when it comes to things for which you're responsible, there's reassurance in seeing things through with your own eyes.
I realize I'm still reeling from Wednesday's spectacle at the Capitol. I'm so angry and disheartened about what I saw. I didn't really want to be out and about in my beloved DMV yesterday. Even with the bright sunshine, there was heaviness in the air. I had to gather my thoughts-- pray even. Yesterday reiterated how much I just like being at home; how much safety and security mean to me; how little we have control over what others think and do, and how we have to be alert and aware. Anxiousness and fear, however, are different energies. I don't want to descend into them.
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