QUARANTINE LIFE: I’M TIRED

I have often suffered in silence

Some things, I will take to my grave

There are sights that my own eyes rejected

Thoughts my mind wishes I wouldn’t save 

I have stories you’d quickly believe

Because you have like tales of your own

This tightness in my gut, out of habit

Has triggered what I’ve always known

There’s a vested interest in hatred
There’s a payoff in keeping it strong
There’s a school of thought that is supported
Love has been undermined all along 

I feel powerless in the face of evil

I wish there was more I could do

Today, I see no way to fight it

I’m so tired; it seems there are few

Leaders who will, in addition

To the rhetoric they always use

Have the courage to do something right now

To alleviate pain and abuse

I’ve lost faith in their moral fiber

I think they could care less about me

Just like others, who knew I was hurting 

Yet continued their iniquity

I’m so numb now from what I see daily 

Hardened hearts, liars, users, and thieves

Smiling faces with ruthless intentions 

Somehow blind to humanity 

I was raised to be one of the “good ones”

Followed every mandate of “The Speech”

Still, compliance did not end the hatred

Or bring freedom closer in reach

In the silence though, I often wonder

Why have I been begging for what’s mine

From those with no more right than I have

To sit at the table and dine?

Is it true? 

Are we cursed? 

Is God angry?

Is there something for which we must pay?

Is this even a life that’s worth living

If you must be afraid every day?

Who decided that my life was worthless?

Who decided that my heart should break?

Who decided that I should stay silent;

Suffer now for eternity’s sake?

“Don’t cause trouble” they said, so I didn’t 

“Don’t speak up. You deserve nothing more.”

“Just be grateful for whatever you get.”

“Just keep praying like you’ve done before.”

 

So I’m praying for God to do something 

Honestly, I’m afraid of my prayer 

It is asking for swift devastation 

To avenge the great pain that I bear

I’m disgusted; 

It seems evil’s winning

Every day, leaders turn a blind eye

Offer lip service to great injustice

And deaf ears to those who mourn and cry

My prayer, I admit, it is selfish

I am desperate for my God to hear

Why such hatred for those who look like me?

Why must our lives be shrouded by fear?

I’m so tired of those who would hurt me

I admit, I’d be glad when they’re gone 

My whole life has been spent being peaceful 

Maybe I’ve been doing something wrong.

VRWc2020