Monday, June 1, 2020

QUARANTINE LIFE: I’M TIRED


I have often suffered in silence
Some things, I will take to my grave
There are sights that my own eyes rejected
Thoughts my mind wishes I wouldn’t save 

I have stories you’d quickly believe
Because you have like tales of your own
This tightness in my gut, out of habit
Has triggered what I’ve always known

There’s a vested interest in hatred
There’s a payoff in keeping it strong
There’s a school of thought that is supported
Love has been undermined all along 

I feel powerless in the face of evil
I wish there was more I could do
Today, I see no way to fight it
I’m so tired; it seems there are few
Leaders who will, in addition
To the rhetoric they always use
Have the courage to do something right now
To alleviate pain and abuse
I’ve lost faith in their moral fiber
I think they could care less about me
Just like others, who knew I was hurting 
Yet continued their iniquity

I’m so numb now from what I see daily 
Hardened hearts, liars, users, and thieves
Smiling faces with ruthless intentions 
Somehow blind to humanity 

I was raised to be one of the “good ones”
Followed every mandate of “The Speech”
Still, compliance did not end the hatred
Or bring freedom closer in reach

In the silence though, I often wonder
Why have I been begging for what’s mine
From those with no more right than I have
To sit at the table and dine?

Is it true? 
Are we cursed? 
Is God angry?
Is there something for which we must pay?
Is this even a life that’s worth living
If you must be afraid every day?

Who decided that my life was worthless?
Who decided that my heart should break?
Who decided that I should stay silent;
Suffer now for eternity’s sake?

“Don’t cause trouble” they said, so I didn’t 
“Don’t speak up. You deserve nothing more.”
“Just be grateful for whatever you get.”
“Just keep praying like you’ve done before.”
 
So I’m praying for God to do something 
Honestly, I’m afraid of my prayer 
It is asking for swift devastation 
To avenge the great pain that I bear

I’m disgusted; 
It seems evil’s winning
Every day, leaders turn a blind eye
Offer lip service to great injustice
And deaf ears to those who mourn and cry

My prayer, I admit, it is selfish
I am desperate for my God to hear
Why such hatred for those who look like me?
Why must our lives be shrouded by fear?

I’m so tired of those who would hurt me
I admit, I’d be glad when they’re gone 
My whole life has been spent being peaceful 
Maybe I’ve been doing something wrong.






VRWc2020

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