WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: I GOT ANGELS

I appreciate all genres of music. 

I'm not the biggest, nor most knowledgeable hip hop or rap fan in the world, I admit. Say "rap" and my mind immediately goes back to The Sugar Hill Gang, Curtis Blow, Run DMC, Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five, and DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince. 

Frankly, I think James Brown rapped as prolifically as the best of them, and Teena Marie gave it a good ol' college try on "Square Biz". 
Spoken like a true baby boomer, right? lol

Sampling became an art form--a choice, an ingredient, and even an economical necessity for producers of rap and hip hop--and even began to be considered a form of flattery and salutation to original composers, as opposed to outright theft, and lack of effort or creativity. 
Way back in In 1990, writer Amy Duncan, asked, "Is advancing technology leading us into a musical world where nothing is "real"?"

I like what I like, and can't--no won't-- listen to everything. I like and trust my ears. I can't say something is pleasing when it isn't. You have to know when you are not the intended audience for which some Art is made, and that's cool. 

I admit it. Everything is not for me. Some recordings make me think the artist missed far too many days of school, wanted to make a quick buck, or was appealing to the basest of human sensibilities. 

Some songs are just...well...noisy, confusing, abusive, incoherent, lacking substance, derogatory, counterproductive and...well...bad... and not in a good way.

Are they supposed to be? 

I don't fuss, because when I was a teacher, I actually had a quote (attributed to Andy Warhol) posted in my classroom: 

"ART IS ANYTHING YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH." 

I just wanted every child to try; to create something that was theirs. 

I didn't want to hear, "Miss Williams, I can't!" 

I hung prints of what was considered great Art, for one reason: to inspire them. Whether I liked it or not, I wanted them to believe their work was valid because they did it...but I digress. 

Some songs don't move, or inspire me to do anything except stop listening. That's the first sign of the subjectivity of Art. I don't have to like it, but someone else will. 

To me, there's nothing musical or creative about some songs. 

You can't always control the noise with which you're bombarded, but when you can choose to shut out extemporaneous clamor, and replace it with what pleases you, that's what you do. 

I often fear what many young listeners will have to look back on, or will even want to listen to when they're my age. Will their nerves be able to take it? Fortunately, not every young artist is more concerned with how music looks than how it sounds.

I'm a 60's baby. The era in which I grew up, and what I was exposed to by my parents' musical preferences, have so deeply informed and influenced my taste in music, and what constitutes good and even great music. I'm glad I grew up when I did. I'm also glad when young people respect, admire, share, and are inspired by music that was the soundtrack of their childhood, or young adulthood. 

As a parent, it gives me great joy that my daughter loves good music, and if she recommends something to me, I gladly listen. Case in point. She came home on a break from college with a demo of a local Philadelphia artist named John Stevens. 

"Mom. You have to hear this." 

She was right. It was great. We all know that young man as the award-winning, John Legend.

I'm not kidding, I LOVE it when young people embrace the old, and find new ways to create. The original composition will always be there as a constant reminder, and holding its own, but success comes when you're not annoyed or offended by what you hear, and left longing for the original, but happy that it was found and appreciated among the mountains of music that exist.

Yesterday, I heard a new composition based on an old one, and it made me smile. It made my day, actually. It's a twenty-two year-old song. ( Okay. Twenty-two isn't old, but I didn't have an AARP card in my wallet when the song was recorded. I do now...lol )
"Multi-platinum songwriter, producer, hip-hop recording artist, and lyricist Emcee N.I.C.E. was inspired by my favorite pianoman, Richard Smallwood's 1995 composition, "Angels", and put a new-school spin on it. 

Richard wrote, "I'm sure it'll go places that I never could have envisioned in my mind." 
I surely hope so.

I smiled as I listened to Maurette proclaiming, "Got meeeee some... " and the choir answering with "angels watching over me". I heard my own 30-something voice: "Si-i-i--i-ng, holy, holy..."
It took me back to that night on stage in Atlanta in 1995. 

I had been entrusted to sing a Richard Smallwood composition with one of my favorite singers, then, singer, songwriter, Maurette Brown. 

I was given adlib freedom, and couldn't have been happier or more prepared. I had the privilege of studying and learning about holy angels in a course taught by the late Rev. R. Vincent Palmer, and I still had my notes. I got to sing them.

Twenty-two years ago my life changed musically. My world expanded. My name would forever be linked with one of the most prolific composers in the world. It lent credibility to my own skill, and opened so many doors.  It also unchained and released gospel music from the restrictive box to which I was always taught it should be confined.

I love it when others appreciate what Richard has offered to the world of music. Emcee N.I.C.E. is breathing new life into "Angels" for a new generation.
Take a listen to "I Got Angels" on YouTube. Then skip on over to Amazon or iTunes to purchase and download the track. (We listen a lot, but we forget that purchasing piece sometimes.)

Maybe I'm biased...okay...I am...a lot..a whole lot... lol.

In addition to Emcee N.I.C.E. and Richard, my favorite B3 Pro, (The Studio Wizard, composer, mix master, educator, Inspector Gadget with bionic hearing), Steven Ford is one of the producers of the track, too.
I really think you'll like it...I do...and wouldn't say it if I didn't...: )

#downloadcomplete

WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: THE NEWS

For a while, I watched broadcast news in disbelief. Every day, watching exasperated journalists report story after story exposing more corruption, idiocy, hypocrisy, contradictions, lawlessness, hate, and the outright lies of people we should be able to trust, was disheartening. 

You want to stay informed, but at what cost to your peace of mind? 

I found myself skipping it all, some days, and going straight to Antenna TV as I prepared breakfast. Sometimes, all it proved was that there was nothing new under the Sun. 

There was political divisiveness and collusion with Russians in Mayberry, too.

I've wondered often why leaders wouldn't stand up, declare that enough was enough, and do something. Make sense of things. 

Call out injustice and impropriety. 

Restore dignity. 

Didn't they see what the rest of the country was seeing? 

Didn't they notice what a laughingstock America has become?

I imagined Little Mary Haines in that scene from "The Women" crying and screaming at Congress, "Do something! Do something!"

My routine, at the end of the day, included laughing at the commentary of the very informed Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert and Seth Myers. 

I listen to The Young Turks on YouTube. 

Getting frustrated by politics is counterproductive, and I strongly recommend comic relief from the bizarre. 

I'm glad someone endeavors to find the humor in it all. 

I'm glad that someone continues to search out the truth, but what's happening politically in America is anything but funny. 

When you have the responsibility and authority to make things right, but don't, you can't be appalled when you, and the chain of command about which you boast, are disrespected or ignored. 

You can't be and perpetuate the problem, and then wonder why others lose confidence in you, see you as an enemy or a threat, work to unseat you, or cease to engage altogether.

A self-centered, dishonest, mistrusted leader, in whom no one has genuine confidence, but for whom many make excuses, is dangerous. 

"Yes" men, opportunists, and spineless, soulless followers wielding power are dangerous, too. 

But when those who used to speak up; who used to be known for their integrity, choose to close their eyes and ears; when they demonstrate that they can be bought, manipulated and silenced, it's not unusual for new leaders to emerge. 

Is it possible that some are so bitter about being rejected by voters during the presidential campaign that they are now saying, “You could have had me, but that’s the leader you chose. Deal with it. I’m just going to sit back and watch you suffer.”

“The Nine” and their “No” votes concerning the ACA shouldn't be regarded as “the exception”, or “brave”. They should be the rule. 

Why is it remarkable that nine people weighed the pros and cons of an issue, and made a decision that should have been a no-brainer for their colleagues as well? They did what was reasonable. 

They abandoned a groupthink mentality in favor of what was right, not only morally, but based on credible data. 

They remembered their purpose, and who they were sent to represent. 

They chose country over party. 

They stood for something noble and fair. 

Their votes spoke truth to power. 

Why others did not follow their example, isn't hard to figure out. 

There is surely a payoff when intelligent people feign clueless-ness, harden their hearts, celebrate incompetence, ignore the law, abandon their convictions, choose to support, applaud, promote and cosign the actions of a fool, or push agendas that will cause unnecessary harm.

Sometimes I wonder if our nation’s elected leaders are being threatened or blackmailed into going along with utter foolishness. That would explain their apathy, capitulation, or and silence. 

Are they afraid? 

Are their hands tied? 

Many have clearly forgotten for whom they work. Many have forgotten the oaths they took and principles of service, but then, people do what they are allowed to do. 

After a while, they see themselves as above the law, above the very people who voted them into office, and exempt from the consequences that others face. After a while, they appear useless and embarrassing. Their reputations and legacies suffer. 

Do they care?

Evil may enjoy a brief reign, but it never wins.

On another note, I'm so glad that the Microsoft Corporation has decided to give Paint a reprieve. 

It may be "old school", but it still works. 

I'm a big fan. No mess...: )

SATURDAY THOUGHTS: RIP, JIM VANCE

I remember a time when watching the evening news was a homework assignment. 

The purpose was not only to keep up with current events, but to study the diction and grammar of the anchors.

As a 60's baby, it was exciting to watch television and see the faces of people who looked like you, particularly if they were in leadership roles. 

It meant that there were possibilities. 

Many have joked about it, but it was nothing to hear someone in the neighborhood screaming out of a window, "Black people on TV!!!" 

Then and now, representation, and those who represent well, really matters. 

There goes that unrelated, fictive, kinship thing again. 

Some people instill so much pride; they're like an institution; you're honored to meet them; and when they die, the loss you feel is genuine. You feel it as if you knew them.

RIP, Jim Vance. 
News 4 won't be the same.
*sigh* 

#representationmatters
#journalismmatters
#IHateCancer

#JimVance
 

THURSDAY THOUGHTS: JAY WILLIAMS---JUST BECAUSE

I'm grateful for friends who make sure I get out of the house...lol

I'm still smiling about last night's outing to Georgetown. It proved, once again, that good Music really does heal, refresh and inspire! 
It's good when you not only support musicians and singers because you are acquainted with them, but because you can honestly applaud the excellence they have to offer. 

You admire their diligence, work ethic, integrity, and they're just that impressive and skilled at what they do. 

Their value is so much more than the cost of the ticket.

I absolutely love live, unfooled-around-with music, and the incomparable, and ever so humble Judge Williams, Jr. did not disappoint. 

Both shows at DC's historic Blues Alley were sold out. 

My friend Andrea and I concluded that the late show would undoubtedly be greater than the early show. 

I can't even imagine if we were wrong...lol.

It was just nice to be among friends I hadn't seen in a while, enjoy delicious shrimp, and applaud great musicianship. 

We had perfect seats, the sound was perfect, too, (Dean!!!!!) and the band, (PJ Morgan, Nathaniel Fields, Aaron Hardin, Matthew Sampson, and Eddie Bacchus, Jr.) was sooooo good! Bacchus was especially superb on sax (all of them) --not busy, loud, or overbearing in such an intimate space, but perfectly in sync with Jay, and providing for me anyway, what a stellar vocalist would have offered. 

The lone voice of the set belonged to Antonio Covington, and he was outstanding, but at the end, Jay gave everyone a brief reminder that he can carry a tune, too! 

You could tell these guys were enjoying performing together. From start to finish, it really was one of the best concerts I've attended. 

Click on the link to order or download "Just Because" , new music from an all-around nice guy, world-renowned drummer, and self-professed "church boy" who, in spite of the stellar roster of notable artists for whom he has kept incredible beats, has always been musically supportive of just about everyone in the DMV--including me. 

#honored

I bought a spare...: )

#peoplestillwantgoodmusic

#drummers

#musicmatters

#JayWilliams

DEW REFRESHMENT CALL 7/13: CHRISTIAN INFLUENCE

A Sunday school teacher at a local assembly told me of his plans for his Sunday School class, and asked if I'd write my thoughts or a lesson guide about being a Christian. 

He was frustrated by the "lack of growth" in the class. He said it occurred to him that the teacher/leaders of the class were coming week after week with "really powerful messages", but some of the student's responses weren't reflecting that they were gleaning anything. 

He said that neither he, nor any of the other teachers had ever bothered to ask any of the students if they were Christians or not. "Maybe that's why they weren't more enthusiastic", he concluded. 

He was wondering if anyone had been influenced or helped at all by the weekly lessons. "Some just sit and say nothing", he lamented. "I don't even know why they even bother to come. It's like we're not getting through to them. Seems to me, they ought to show some signs." 

I told him that people have different learning styles. Some people need to listen attentively, some write a zillion notes, while others need to see visual aids or be more hands-on. Instead of being frustrated that sister or brother so-and-so were so quiet, how about being happy that they show up faithfully?  

He seemed to be more concerned about a pat on the back for the carefully crafted, thunderously delivered lessons, than the students' actual grasp and application of them. I wondered if there was an underlying need for the students to see, applaud, and worship the teachers, as opposed to worshiping God; absorbing and applying his Word, and living it out in their own homes and communities after the class was over. 

I told him I think it's a good idea if we all look at ourselves first before poking into the spiritual lives of others, or holding ourselves up as pristine examples of Christiandom. 

Were any of the teacher/leaders sure about their own faith? 

Who would they use as an upstanding exemplar? Christ or themselves? 

Whose life would be measured against the lives of the students'? Christ's or the teachers'? 

I told him that, perhaps the discussion should be more introspective, sensitive, Bible-based and centered, and not a Sunday school witch-hunt  based on superficial criteria such as, who comments or answers questions correctly the most, who can quote the most scripture, who can speedily find scriptures in the Bible, who's the loudest, who wears a suit and tie, or floor length attire, who sits quietly week after week and says nothing at all, or who always has their book, pen and paper. 

Maybe, after a little self-searching, leaders might find that they could learn a thing or two about authentic Christian living from their students—if they were willing to stop lecturing and auditioning for a spot in the pulpit every week. What if they just listened? Maybe they'd find that they weren't exactly the best qualified to go around evaluating other people's relationships with God, and should dust off and improve their own. 

Maybe performance-based religiosity at a place erroneously called church, could be replaced by actually BEING the church. This way, the influence of the body of believers, bound together by their loyalty to, and love of Christ could extend beyond the walls of the sanctuary. 

Before Christ died on the cross, he said, "It is finished." It's time to influence the world with the hope and joy of that "it", instead of the extra, meaningless fluff we've manufactured for public use, to convince others of what a Christ-centered life looks like.

Here's the lesson:

I was surprised that the word "Christian" is only used three times in the New Testament scriptures. Before discussing what a Christian is, or is not, it would be a good idea to see what criteria was used to identify early followers of Christ. Read the following: 
 Acts 11:26
Acts 26:281 
Peter 4:16

How do we measure up to the standards today?

Read Acts 2:37-39. A Christian’s life is unique and different. A Christian’s way of life should follow Christ’s example. 

Read 1 Peter 2:21. A Christian should endeavor to live by the scriptures.  

Read Luke 4:4. A Christian is an individual who has positively responded to the call and invitation of God. 

Read Matthew 5:13-16. A Christian understands and embraces the truth of God’s word. 

Read 1 Corinthians 2:11. Who knows what’s truly in the heart or mind of another person? It is best that each individual examine him or herself.

Read the following passages of scripture:

2 Corinthians 13:51 
2 Peter 1:10

1 Corinthians 15:1-4 
Romans 10:8-13
1 John 2:24-25
Luke 6:46John 3:3-7 
Romans 8:14-23
1 John 2:3-7 
John 1:12
 

Are you a Christian? People who do not believe in God, or in the deity, and resurrection of Jesus Christ have no problem answering this question. Theirs is an emphatic, “No”. 

Many people admire Jesus as a good man, teacher, or prophet, but don’t believe he is the Son of God. 

Many call themselves “Christians”, but on what is their declaration based? 

Is it the redemptive work that God has done, or are they resting and relying on their own works, rules, biases, traditions, or opinions? 

There seem to be too many people still thinking that because they're not promiscuous, chain-smoking alcoholics, that they're more "down with G.O.D." than the people in the next pew.

Is it possible to think that you are a Christian when you are not? 

Does church membership or a leadership position, owning or reading a Bible, memorizing or quoting scripture make a person a Christian? 

Does abstaining from the vices that most people think are sinful or shameful qualify as the action of a Christian? 

How can a person be sure that he or she is a true follower of Christ, and who decides if they meet the criteria?  

Does anyone have the right or qualifications to evaluate whether another person is a Christian or not? What signs would you look for? 

Are they inward or outward? 

Is it their clothing, hairstyle, demeanor, personality, education, or tone of voice? 

Is Christianity obvious? 

Do some people just look the part? 

When the world picks and chooses what elements of Christianity to emulate, replicate or portray, are they impressive, complimentary and helpful, or clownish, cartoon-ish and embarrassing? 

When the people we know view us in the light of the faith we profess, are we displaying light and salt that inspires them to want to know more, or emitting repelling scents, sounds, and behaviors that chase them away?

Read Titus 3:5. Good works, church attendance, and lip service are not enough. God did the necessary work. Each person should always examine him or herself to make sure that he or she is in the faith. We must not look at our own lives and behavior as better than or holier another person’s. We brag about what we don’t do and decide that’s what proves our Christianity. This is a mistake.

It’s easy to point fingers at others and criticize what they do, and praise ourselves for abandoning what we used to do. It’s not that we are so perfect, sold out for Christ, or disciplined. There are some things we no longer do, not because we don’t want to, but because we can’t do it anymore! It’s not that our hearts and minds have been renewed. It’s not that we are so dedicated to Jesus. A lot of what we don’t do anymore is because our bodies won’t, or can’t cooperate, or our finances aren’t what they used to be! 

God, who delivered each one of us from eternal damnation, is still willing and able to be merciful, and deliver others! 

The call to be a Christian is still being made! 

God’s call is universal. He “so loved the world”, not just a precious few! 

The same grace that God showed us when we were deep in our sin, and not even thinking about our souls, is the same grace that he can, and still shows others. 

God is being patient and merciful, so why are we so quick to condemn and send people to Hell? What if he had not helped us to see the light? Why are we so hard on others as if God is powerless to redeem them? 

Failing to see our own flaws is dangerous. Harping on one sin and ignoring all others is a mistake, too.  If you were a whoremonger and God saved you, how can you be so hard on the person who is a whoremonger today? If you could be changed from a gossiper to an encourager, and be forgiven, there’s hope for everyone! If you were a thief and another person was a liar, whose sin was worse? 

Sometimes, the only difference between two people is that one person escaped prosecution, and another person got caught. 

The mercy we show is the mercy that we will receive. 

We ought to always be careful that we do not confuse sharing the Gospel with condemning others. 

If you are saved, and a Christian you should be humbly thankful and grateful! You should joyfully share the good news of the Gospel --not puff yourself up and appoint yourself a judge who sternly and aggressively monitors the lives of others.

Read 1 John 5:17. ALL unrighteousness is sin. It’s not just what others do or say, but what we, who declare ourselves as Christians, do and say as well! God sees and hears all. Unrighteousness, all unrighteousness, is considered disobedience to Him. 

Read Proverbs 28:13. I can’t whitewash or cover up or excuse my own sin while exposing the sin of someone else. I can’t look at myself as more spiritual or closer to God than someone else. I can’t give myself credit for fleeing from sin. It is God whose help I need in order to be more like him, and more like Christ.

Read Psalm 51:2. If I am honest, I know what I have done in my life. God certainly knows. I have to always look at myself; examine myself FIRST. I have to ask and depend on God to scrub away my own guilt, shame and sin. In doing so, I have little time to study or gossip about the sin in the life of someone else. 

Read 1 John 1:8-10. If I boast and claim that I am sin-free, I am not only fooling myself, but everyone else with a working brain! To say that I don’t sin at all is nonsense! I must not think that what I do, that is disobedient to the word of God is excusable, but condemn someone else, or question their Christianity.

We are very good at comparing and contrasting sins, and declaring one sin worse than another. 

The consequences of illegal acts vary. There are many different crimes that a person can commit, and many different laws and penalties. Some people seem to get away with what will send another person to prison for years. The consequences for breaking the law depend on the seriousness of the crime, or the final word of a judge.  

All sin, however, is disobedience to God no matter how minor we think it is. 

Read James 2:10. We cannot pick and choose what laws and rules we will follow and not expect there to be easy consequences for ourselves and harsh penalties for others.

Read 1 Corinthians 6:18. We can’t live however we want to. That doesn’t just apply to a few. That applies to everyone.

Read Romans 3:23. God, in his wisdom, mercy and love got all of us out of the hot messes we were in! He did it all without our help! How dare we point fingers at someone else or attempt to discern whether or not someone else is worthy of God’s mercy, forgiveness and grace? How dare we decide who is or isn’t a Christian based on our own silly or superficial criteria! We should never forget that we all needed and still need grace!

Read Matthew 12:31-32. Never reject the Holy Ghost. Acknowledge the work of God’s spirit in your life. We all need what the Holy Ghost provides to help us continue on this Christian way. Christianity is less about religion and more about relationship—a relationship that God himself initiated by sending his Son into the world to redeem mankind.

Read James 5:19-20. Instead of gossiping about what other people do, or questioning whether they are Christians or not, how often do we help them, witness to them, or pray for them? Do we draw others to Christ with our sanctimonious, religious, churchy behavior or do we drive them away? Is our Christian behavior continued when we leave the sanctuary? Can it been seen in our homes by those who interact with us the most?

Our acceptance of God’s great love and willingness to be followers of Christ and his teachings, is what makes us Christians. The love we show is what others see and equate with Christianity. It would be a shame for the world to love and admire Jesus, but be appalled, embarrassed, and repelled by the people who say they are his representatives. 

Examine yourself soberly and honestly. 
The Word of God is the best guide.

#justkeepgoing

CAREGIVER DIARIES: ON YOUR PLATE

No one knows what's on your plate like you do.

 

Mind those people who, from the comfort of their homes, sit back and evaluate your situation, and determine that you don't have enough to do--for them. 

When people don't have a sober grasp of what your purpose is, or what your responsibilities involve, they'll assume you have time, space, resources, and energy to do their jobs, too. 

They will grossly underestimate your value, as well as the worth of what they want you to do. 

You can tell by the offers they make--offers they think you should jump at-- when trying to manipulate you into agreeing to take on their stuff.
They've already filled up your calendar, and have decided that you won't mind. 

They've figured out how they're going to saddle you with their stuff, and even try to convince you that you'll like it.

"Oh, it won't take a lot of time", 

"Oh, I won't be gone long", 

"Oh, it won't be a problem. 

All you have to do is..."

Some people don't even have a grasp of what their own primary responsibilities involve. It's obvious because they're always trying to find ways to abandon them, and pawn them off on someone else. To them, you appear to be free and unencumbered. You don't have anything pressing to do--except be a caregiver, right?
Some people actually think you're just sitting on your behind all day, and should be able to pick up the slack that they create. 

Nothing could be farther from the truth. 

Caregiving is not a hobby.

People who have a servant's heart, have to be very careful not to allow themselves to be used up.

Someone armed with an agenda, will figure out how to manipulate everyone in their circle, in order to put their needs and wants first. 

They will suck up, and pretend to be concerned, as long as there is a payoff for them. 

When people are no longer useful to them, they move on to the next patsy. 

They feel that they are more important that anyone else, and that their plans, time, schedule, activities, and position take precedence over anything that others have to do. To them, someone with two broken legs would be an awesome babysitter. They aren't going anywhere, right?

Unless self-centered people are confronted or shocked with a "No", they will continue to disregard, and be insensitive to the needs of everyone around them.

A selfish person will try to con others into doing things that they hadn't even planned; impose and make demands upon the limited time and resources of others, and add to the workloads of others rather than detract from them. 

They will see the severity, stress, and chaos of a situation, and still and figure out a way to get others to pay attention to what they need done. 

They won't offer solutions or alternatives that will benefit anyone, other than themselves. 

They won't allow themselves to be at a disadvantage. They will take resources away from a situation where they are needed most. 

They won't be inconvenienced or put upon. 

They won't sacrifice, or suffer a loss, but they don't mind if others overextend themselves. 

They aren't interested in helping others help them.

If there's any sacrificing going on, they won't be doing it. 

If they are ever inconvenienced, expect them to be very angry about it.

Ask something of them, and they will always have an excuse. They can't. 

They never have time. 

Forget about them reciprocating. 

They aren't going to change their plans, go out of their way, or alter their schedules, even if there's no impediment to them lending a hand. 

They have already decided what their time and resources are worth, and they are exponentially more valuable to them than yours could ever be to you. That's why, to them, you should always be eager about helping them. 

After all, you aren't important, and you certainly don't have anything important to do.

A self-centered person will even figure out how to use an actual emergency involving someone else, to obtain something for themselves. 

They will make a mountain out of a molehill, and rope a genuinely concerned person into a situation that didn't require their presence or input at all.  While everyone else is focusing on the mountain they created, the selfish person has rolled out and left their responsibilities for others to manage. 

They always prove by their absence or inconsistency, that they could care less about the very thing they think demands the presence and attention of everyone else.

Selfish people don't care about the expense that others have to incur to attend to their needs, but have a big problem incurring even the smallest expense to help someone else. 

If they do go into their pockets, it's to cover their insensitivity, negligence and arrogance. 

If they pay for something, they want credit for it. They even want credit for the stuff they are supposed to do; stuff that is right, fair and reasonable for them to do! 

They will see how full another person's plate is, and still dump stuff on to it. 

They just want what they want, when they want it.  Everything they do is for show, a pat on the back, or to give the impression that they are engaged, concerned, or present. 

They pretend to contribute, and pretend to work. When they've shown their faces, and when their audience is gone, so are they.

They will make plans, and then at the last minute make some desperate plea to guilt others into helping them, or getting them out of binds and conflicts. If they could dump all of their unpleasant responsibilities onto unsuspecting others so that they can pursue what they want to do, they would.  

They have business, but are characterized more by their busyness, which causes them to so easily abandon the things that should truly demand their time and attention. 

Don't expect them to volunteer, even when they're not busy. To them, their free time is theirs, and so is yours.  

They're missing that thoughtfulness piece. 

Their selfishness causes them to throw what should be the most important people and things, onto the to-do lists of others.

They haven't been at a single caregiver rehearsal, but they still think they should be the star of the caregiver show when they do show up to make an appearance. 

You can always tell how out of touch they are, by what they say, and what they choose to contribute when they do make a contribution. It will be inappropriate, unsuitable, and sometimes a colossal waste. They think everything should be about them and get offended when they are corrected, schooled, asked to step aside, or defer to those who actually know what they are doing.

Self-centered people don't want to do the hard work. They don't want the job, but if there is some perk on the job to which they feel entitled, or that they don't think another person deserves, they will endeavor to micromanage, supervise, sow seeds of discord, and undermine the work.
There's no equity in a selfish person's mind concerning others. There's no sincere giving. They give to get. They give to be recognized. They do and give what they think others should appreciate; what they think others deserve, but never bother to ask, nor do they care what others actually want. They don't care about what is appropriate, healthy or useful. Their giving is an afterthought, a bartering chip, or a bribe.

If you find you've been hoodwinked into always doing the bidding and dirty work of a selfish person, eventually you may feel used and foolish. When that feeling comes, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up, but don't ignore or minimize it ever again. Some habits need to be broken, particularly those that involve you allowing others to usurp your time and disregard your needs.

People do what you allow, and some people are good for only showing up when they need something. They don't even ask if you're tired, overwhelmed, or burdened. They don't care. Don't declare that someone's selfishness, imposing or demanding ways are alright when they aren't. Stop complaining about it to others and address them. If you don't want to do something, speak up and say that you don't. Stop allowing others to distract you with their agendas. You do have that right. Put your commitments and responsibilities back at the top of your list. Only then--only when you are clear in mind, well, and rested, can you truly be of assistance to others.

Caregiving can be all-consuming. Stop saying "Yes" to other people's demands when you know you're going to be overwhelmed or regret it. Set boundaries, dust off your discernment, and practice saying "No". There are times to give and sacrifice, but sometimes, you have to let people know that what they had in mind for you to do--what they decided you ought to be able or happy to do for them-- was nowhere on your radar.

Stop allowing people to order, bully, stifle, hinder, strand, constrain, confine, and bind you while they are free to do whatever they want. Stop allowing people to relegate you to their background. Re-establish what is important to you. Stop allowing self-absorbed people to make their superficial needs and wants more important than your legitimate ones.

Prepare your own plate with what will nourish you, and decide when it is full, no matter what someone else thinks you need to add to it that will satisfy them. If it's on your plate, you should know it's there, plan for it to be there, want it there, like it, and get to enjoy it. It shouldn't choke, disgust, or make extra work for you.
Your plans, agenda, and time are valuable, too.