#DEW4U CONFERENCE CALL: FORGIVENESS

Most of us know when we’ve done wrong. Some people planned it! Others don’t mean to offend or cause hurt, but they do—and they’re sorry. They didn’t think things through, or think at all. Consequences have a way of lingering. There is a longing to be restored; to find yourself back in good graces; to exist as if whatever it was never happened. We wish we had Superman’s power to turn back time and start over.

There was a phrase in the old Baptist church covenant that directed believers to always be "ready for reconciliation". That’s often easier said than done. Many agree to forgive, but forgetting is tricky and offenses hang on and weigh us down.

Theologian Matthew Henry wrote: “We are taught to hate and dread sin while we hope for mercy; to distrust ourselves, to rely on the providence and grace of God to keep us from sin; to be prepared to resist the tempter, and not to become tempters of others. Here is a promise: “If you forgive, your heavenly Father will also forgive” We must forgive, as we hope to be forgiven. Those who desire to find mercy with God must show mercy to their brethren. Christ came into the world as the great Peace-maker, not only to reconcile us to God, but one to another…The greatness of sin magnifies the riches of pardoning mercy…”

Matthew 5:7 reminds us, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” 

Sometimes, the person who is in need of your mercy the most is you. 

You may have no problem accepting the apologies of others, burying hatchets, and letting bygones be bygones—except when it comes to yourself. We can speculate about what others have done, but we know what we have done and said. Our consciences and memories won’t let us forget, be selective, or in denial. At what point do you stop offending yourself and embrace the freedom that forgiveness brings?

The only feelings you can effectively do anything about are your own.  It’s easy to get preoccupied or angry with people who have wronged you. When you refuse to forgive yourself, you’ll have an extremely difficult time acknowledging, and being grateful for your own state of being. Blessings that should bring thankfulness and joy will be burdensome and painful. You’ll settle for less. Your ambition will suffer.

Allow adversity that is inspired or orchestrated by others, to consume you, and you'll soon become bitter, spiteful and vengeful, but it is nothing compared to the anguish associated with beating up on yourself. Being forgiving of anyone will be difficult if you misinterpret or misunderstand how God operates. He is not like us—thank goodness.

You'll know when you need a major overhaul of your heart and mind when "what happened" becomes the topic of your every conversation--even with total strangers. You'll DEFINITELY know when, every time you see or hear their name, every time you pass by that place, every time that date rolls around, every time you hear that song, every time you see that scar, that photograph; every time you hear that voice, or enter that room, something turns inside you like the first signs of indigestion. Life’s triggers are something else! When you hear yourself crying "I'm not over it", or "I can't forget it", “You don’t know what I did!” RUN, stop drop and roll immediately to God.  Get rid of that anxiety! Philippians 4 advises us to “be anxious for nothing!” NO thing. We have an advocate who has offered divine help! The Word says in everything make your request known to God…in prayer…with supplication…just let it all out. Get ugly about it! Cry, yell, but tell him! "God I can’t seem to be able to forgive myself!" Tell him! All of it. In detail. Get it out. That verse concludes with the promise that an incredible, indescribable peace will be yours. It will change your character and your outlook. You won’t even understand it, but it will keep your heart and mind.

Don't let your purpose in life be hijacked. Don't let the hijacker be YOU. Let God handle the difficult, unforgiving, critical, hurtful people in your life. Let HIM take care of every person who became a willing vessel in the enemy's "steal, kill, and destroy" mission. Yes. You have options of what you COULD do to make yourself feel better, but never forget there is a really awesome plan for your life designed especially by God. He's an expert at making wrong things right. He's a heart changer. He's thorough, and can do a much better job with His creation than you can. You’re his child. He loves you. He is Love. That alone is enough to surrender everything to him.

Refocus. Let go. Remember that you are included in the “whosoever” whom God loves. If you think about it, the people who have caused you pain and grief might have been like Goliath to your life, but they may be dealing with Goliath's bigger, scarier brothers in their OWN lives! Give your life's annoying, destructive giants to God—particularly the ones you’ve helped create.

 

Don't allow ANY THING to hinder you from going, doing, moving, growing, or learning. In spite of what anyone has said or done to negatively impact your life, God always has his eye on YOU as well. How you behave, respond, and what you say is key. Godly is the way. Always ask Him to monitor your heart and check your attitude. Take the high road. Don't let anyone convince you that you're a coward or a punk for choosing it. It's not high because it's difficult to maneuver, it's because the air is better, you can see farther, and cover more ground. Besides, you need power to climb, and forgiveness is not optional. That includes you and how you treat yourself.   

Mark 11:25 reminds us, “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them so that your Father in heaven may forgive you…” 

We can be sad, mad, and disappointed when others refuse to accept our sincerest apologies, but what happens when the offender and the person who withholds forgiveness is you. Sometimes we can harbor ill feelings against ourselves and act like martyrs. “That’s okay God I don’t need your blessings. I’m too bad. I’m too messed up. I went too far. Go over there and bless somebody else.”  We take inventory of our transgressions and decide that one thing or another is too terrible for God to consider; we take it upon ourselves to conclude that even Christ’s sacrifice on the cross isn’t sufficient to blot out certain actions or words.  Perhaps others have forgiven you, and have forgotten all about what you’ve done, but you are the one keeping it alive. You wake up every day, and trot down to the banks of the Sea of Forgetfulness with a bucket and a fishing pole to reel in your own past. Then you wallow in the stench of it to remind yourself yet again how undeserving you are of the mercy and grace of God. You punish yourself. You limit and penalize yourself. You don’t even give God the opportunity to forgive you because you haven’t even confessed to him what he already knows.  Proverbs 28:13 admonishes us: “He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.”  Nowhere in the passage does it indicate that you are responsible for determining whether you deserve compassion or not. When God fashioned his redemption plan he didn’t ask for your input so stop trying to amend it now! He didn’t send his son into the world to condemn it, but to save it! Come out from under the ashes you’ve heaped upon yourself and let him dust you off! Forgive yourself! God’s promises are available to you and he is not a liar. David wrote in Psalm 32:5, “I acknowledged my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"; and You forgave the guilt of my sin.” Is that perhaps what is standing between us and forgiveness of ourselves—that we have not been forthcoming? We haven’t been honest? We haven’t really acknowledged our actions? We’re keeping something back, perhaps because it’s too painful?  Exodus tells us that God is one who “keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression, and sin”. Why is it so difficult to rest in that? 1 John 1:8-9 says “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” All means all! Everything! This and that! While in agony on the cross, Jesus made an assessment of the hearts of the people. The beloved Son of God could have asked God for anything. Jesus asked, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." No one asked him to be so gracious; but he asked God to be merciful. “But you don’t know what I did, Vanessa!”  Join the club. I can only imagine the people who are soooo glad their dirt was done before the advent of cell phones and social media! The Bible says all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. No, we shouldn’t glorify our transgressions, but we shouldn’t wear them like shackles or badges, either. Jesus said love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Are you persecuting yourself for anything? 

 

 Often, the depth of the relationship, the time invested, or the degree of intimacy will determine whether forgiveness will be easy to obtain. Now, who have you known longer than yourself? It’s easy to give a pass to people that you like and don’t want to lose. One of the greatest commandments is this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” If we are willing to forgive others; show mercy and compassion toward others; if we can give others the benefit of the doubt why can’t we show the same courtesy to ourselves. Why risk losing yourself under years of self-sabotage and unrealistic expectations? 

We are not doing God any favors or helping his cause by punishing ourselves and being unforgiving. What we are doing is denying and rejecting his love toward us. We are demonstrating that we don’t trust him or his credibility. We’re skeptical of his power.  It is tragic to program our minds with anything other than the truth. The truth is that forgiveness is available for you, too. If God knows you better than you know yourself and he can forgive you, change your mindset and follow his lead.

Nesha Danae shared on a recent conference call how the workings of our minds can manifest in physically undesirable ways. If our minds are overrun with negative thoughts about ourselves; if we refuse to give ourselves a break; embrace our own humanity; there isn’t enough medication in the world to counteract the damage.  

According to Dr. Steven Standiford, "It's important to treat emotional wounds or disorders because they really can hinder someone's reactions to the treatments, even someone's willingness to pursue treatment.” A reluctance to offer forgiveness can actually make people ill and that illness can become permanent.  Doctors have even resorted to employing Forgiveness Therapy to help patients suffering from disease. 

Pastor Michael Barry, the author of the Forgiveness Project warned, "Harboring negative emotions like anger and hatred, creates a state of chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety very predictably produces excess Adrenaline and Cortisol, which deplete the production of natural killer cells-- your body's foot soldiers in the fight against diseases like Cancer."

Forgive. Now. Today.

You are one of the people in need of your forgiveness. 

Don’t withhold it.