CAREGIVER DIARIES: STAY CREATIVE

She was patiently walking through the theater. 

I hadn't planned to take any photographs, but I looked up, saw her, and had a brief geek moment. 

It occurred to me that I wasn't dreaming. 

I was there, too. 

For a second I couldn't believe it. 

"That's THE Patti Austin" I told myself, "and I'm not going to be in a seat holding on to the ticket I bought. 

I'm going to be onstage, behind a microphone, singing". 

I really needed to sing. I didn't realize how much. The music was healing.

I was so happy that I hadn't turned down the opportunity. 

Any time something comes up; any time someone phones and asks, "Vanessa can you...?", my first thought is always my Dad. 

I've turned down quite a bit in my time as a caregiver, between 2005 and now. I don't regret my decisions, but it took me a minute to grasp the concept of self-care. 

It took me a while to extract the inconsideration and selfishness that I'd imposed upon it. 

Others may not do what you do, the way you do it, but then, they don't have to. 

What's required is integrity, trust, attention, and caring. 

If there are those who fit the criteria, don't be afraid to reach out to them. 

Don't be afraid to take a break.

Singing brings me so much joy. 

It's one of those sustaining things that I realize I should never totally abandon. 

Being a caregiver means your life will be greatly altered, but it doesn't mean you can't have a life.
  
I admit I've been hesitant about asking for help, but I knew I would have to. I reached out to everyone to let them know I would be out of the house. I know there are some friends who, if they can't do anything else, will phone periodically. 

Others, who I've dubbed "The Angels" will just show up without provocation. 

I still believe caregivers have to be prudent about who they reach out to, but if you are a caregiver, reach out. Do it. 

Many times, people don't know what it is that you need. 

There are times when you will feel like you shouldn't have to ask, but the fact is, you signed up for the job, not them, and it's not fair to expect people to be mind readers. 

You definitely need a team of dependable people, and even they need a little notice. 

I think people mean well when they say, "Call me if you need me". The truth is that, as willing as they may be, circumstances in their own lives may preclude them from doing what may be in their hearts. 

I knew that I would be away for a few days, and I wanted to know that my Dad would be okay. Everyone I asked to check on him did just that. 

I was able to go to Reading, Pennsylvania, sing with one of my favorite performers, enjoy the company of friends, (and those wonderfully chewy Doubletree Hotel cookies), and sleep in a bed that made me rethink my own pillow situation at home.   

The trip was wonderful. 

Patti is delightful and witty, wise and smart. Her voice is just as strong today as it was the first time I heard it. 

She has a bionic ear and has clearly studied her craft. 

She's gracious, kind, and encouraging. 

She was a caregiver, too, and wasn't selfish about sharing with me, not only the importance of taking care of myself, but the importance of remaining creative-- whether through writing or art. 

She has very definite opinions, and is not the least bit shy about sharing them. 

She is an ambassador. 

When she shares words of wisdom, it's as if she's somehow vested in whether or not you heed them. 

She's a champion for women, and is concerned about the paths that young women take that can negatively impact the longevity of their careers and lives. 

From religion, to politics, to interpersonal relationships, to the nuances of the music, her speak is sprinkled with colorful adjectives. She is a force. 

She's a walking, talking history book.

It wasn't the first time I was honored to be one of her background vocalists, but every time is memorable, and leaves me feeling so much better than I did when the work began. 

I can't say it enough. The environment in which you work matters.

Nothing about the trip was rushed. 

I was able to rest. 

Everything outside my windows--from the trains, to the vans, to the hotels and back--made me smile.

It's true, as a caregiver, it's important that you stay connected to the things you love to do, as well as the people who motivate and encourage you. 

Listen to yourself. 

Refresh yourself. 
It's okay to say "Yes".