WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: GOSSIP

It is the aim of some people to create chaos the second their feet touch the floor in the morning. 

They've got to pick up the phone, from their home or place of employment, find a gullible ally, sow a seed of discord, and then sit back and watch it grow-- and choke not only others, but themselves. 

Amazingly, they're the first to feign innocence and ask, "What happened?" when the you-know-what hits the proverbial fan.

Is there confusion, or division in your space? Who's always talking, gossiping, whispering, scheming? Who's controlling the narrative? Has it ever been verified? Who's saying one thing to one person or group, and another to everyone else? 

Perhaps it's time for the listening people and groups to get together to compare notes! There will be a lot of choruses of "But I thought..."; "But he said..."; "But she said...";"Why would they lie?"; "Why would they want others to look badly?"; "Why?"

Why are you walking around with a negative perception of someone with whom you have very little interaction? Why are you angry with someone you've never even met? Why are you indignant and poised to angrily confront someone about something that doesn't affect your life at all? What have you been told? What report have you believed? Have you weighed it? Do you have all sides? Who are you listening to? Do they have integrity? What information do you have, and have you bothered to find out if it's even TRUE? Who are you taking your cues from? Who do you respect or admire that perhaps you shouldn't? Who is always in your ear sharing damaging, character-assassinating information about someone else? Why are they doing it? What do they expect you to do with the information? What are you supposed to do? Just store it, and when you see the person, roll your eyes at and curse them?

Ask yourself why there's always some disagreement or misunderstanding brewing, or in full swing.

FIND THAT COMMON DENOMINATOR. There is one. 

Don't be afraid, and don't be surprised when you find out who it is. 

You WILL be surprised how situations will change; how peace and harmony will abound when the talebearer is exposed, confronted, reprimanded, and silenced. 

Some people have abandoned their own business and run their big mouths, unchecked, far too long.  

Consider the gossip. Sometimes, loneliness causes people to become bitter, mistrusting, and anxious. They think that eliciting pity, or having common foes is the only way that they can get others to engage or befriend them, so they concoct tales. They pit others against one another as if it's a sport. There is a desperate need to remain the center of attention, so they have to keep everyone in opposite corners and at odds. There is insecurity. They don't know who they can count on, so everyone is a potential enemy, poised to hurt or abandon them. They collect people, but are loyal to no one. As long as there's contention, they feel alive. They've never enjoyed the contentment that harmony brings. One needs to have people close, but only as partners in strife, collaborators against common enemies, or to use when they want or need something. The sad thing is that one has no idea of the trouble one causes; the damage that is done to the relationships of others when one simply does not consider the weight of one's words.

Don't be dragged into dysfunction. Don't allow it. Speak up. The minute you sense gossip, call it out; change the subject. Turn that thing around. 

Want to know something about someone? Ask them. They'll tell you if you're crossing the line or not. 

Go to the source. When you want accurate information about anything, why bother with anyone who won't be objective, has no connection, can only speculate, will be biased, or is known to lie? 

Sometimes it's good to be neutral. Other times--no--all the time--it's imperative to stand up for what is right. Don't just let people trash others and you know they're lying, misinformed, or just plain divisive and evil. Consider too, when you're listening to someone talk, if there is some medical or mental condition you don't know about. 

Don't participate in gossip--no matter who it is. You have a mind of your own. Use it. You can't slam phones down like you used to be able to do back in the day, but calls can be ended. Don't be an accomplice in the assassination of another person's reputation.

We tend to trust certain people to be honest. It never occurs to us that they have biases and agendas. We hang on to their words and fail to question the motivation behind them. We conclude that they would have no reason to lie, and feel free to repeat and spread scenarios, feelings, ideas, and opinions that are in no way acquainted with the truth. 

The words of a gossip, liar, or manipulator have weight. Blindly adopting, acting on, and believing without fact checking is done to one's own detriment. Take the wrong side of an issue, and one is in danger of seeing not only the destruction of one's own healthy relationships, but the abortion of new, beneficial ones.

Use your discernment. The old adage is true: "A dog that will bring a bone, will carry one."