MONDAY THOUGHTS: IN THE FUTURE

One day, in the future, a candidate will be sure that the election is in the bag. Every poll will be in his favor. 

Three days before voters go to the polls, an unmarked package will be delivered to the campaign headquarters of his opposition. Inside, volunteers will find a dusty, homemade VHS tape of "The Maury Show". 

They will scramble to find an expert in antiquated technology--anyone who may still own a VCR. 

They will contact an elderly gentleman who was once an employee of Circuit City. 

A copy of the tape will be made and sent to the candidate's campaign advisors.  

One day before the election, the flustered candidate will hold a press conference and tearfully cite personal matters as his reason for suspending his campaign.  

A reporter will shout, "Sir, would you care to address the tape? 

Will you confirm if those screaming people are your parents? 

After Mr. Povich announced the results of the DNA test, our research tells us that the woman wearing the unusually large earrings is doing something called "twerking"? Is she your mother? The woman doing a once popular dance called "The Cabbage Patch"-- is she your late grandmother? The baby, Sir. The baby. Is that YOU? 

#shortstories