And that right there? That right out of the gate accusation and harassment instead of a pleasant, "Hi, it's ______. How are you?" That's why you're not responding. If you do it may not be nice.
Some people might apologetically attempt to quash the manipulative snark; explain or defend themselves (as if it's mandatory) or say anything to get the whining to stop. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I was kidnapped, and then had to go into the witness protection program, but that was only after my stint as a missionary in deepest Africa. They wouldn't let me have a phone. Rules, you know. How've you been?"
Others would waste no time hanging up, deleting, and blocking. Whomever doesn't know what you've been dealing with is clearly not a close friend. They'd realize that an apology is in order--along with a sincere, "Is there anything I can do?"
The daily responsibility that care giving entails need not be compounded by the demands of an able-bodied person. What ever happened to "Hello. I was just thinking about you."? If they took the time to ask, before lamenting your supposed neglect of them, they'd know and understand why they and their agendas are not high on your list of priorities. You're not answering their calls because you haven't been at home. Your schedule has been upended. Your time has been occupied. Perhaps, depending on the situation, you had to move. Perhaps, if you're like many who are unpaid caregivers, you had to cut back on the luxury that a mobile phone can be.
I wonder if some people ever consider that their overbearing, pushy, "all about me" tendencies aren't particularly engaging. Relationships of all kinds are often uneasy, but they shouldn't be excruciating chores laden with hoops through which one must constantly jump, especially when one is overwhelmed. Do people think you are obligated or indebted to, or work for them? What ever happened to niceness, courtesy, and the notion that no one ever has to do anything?
You can't bulldoze your way into other people's lives. You can't make demands of their time or resources, and expect them not only to stop what's critical to them (in order to comply with your wishes), but excuse your lack of civility. You certainly shouldn't hold your breath while waiting for them to blame themselves for your insensitivity. Among the things that snarkiness, sarcasm, or an entitled attitude will yield is side-eye-filled silence. Failure to adjust your attitude will cause people to deal with you, in the words of my grandmother, "with a long-handled spoon".
Tone, timing, attitude, and approach have everything to do with the responses you get--or don't get. Say it rudely, at an inopportune moment, with an air of superiority and all the finesse of a runaway train, and you run an extremely high risk of being ignored. Want to be acknowledged? Consider whether what you say, and how you say it gives others an incentive to engage you, or a good cause to roll their eyes and dismiss you.
No caregiver, in their right mind, likes, or invites extra drama or unnecessary stress. Never presume to know or judge the weight of what is on another person's plate. Never presume that you know what another person is able to do, or should do. Before choosing to be offended and angry that a caregiver doesn't have time for you, try to walk at least a partial mile in their shoes. Never rule out that people, whether they are caregivers or not, ARE busy, sick, out of town, indisposed, distracted, overwhelmed, otherwise engaged, or disconnected. Now, if they are ignoring you, perhaps there's a reason that has everything to do with your approach of choice. Come on too strong, too bossy or needy, and you put the nails in the coffins of your own relationships. In doing so, you can't blame anyone except yourself.
Never attack people for not responding when you think they should. It may give them further cause to conclude that you and what you bring, are just too much work to add to the load they already have.
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