CAREGIVER DIARIES: HOME TRAINING 101

 I see the commercial all the time. "Stress raises cortisol; cortisol increases belly fat; Relacore reduces cortisol; you need Relacore"...Oh no you don't. You need to say what needs to be said, when, and how it needs to be said--without explanation, justification or apology, and you need never use a single non-Sunday school word. Taking your power back, standing up for what's right, and boldly confronting situations and difficult people are the weight reducing activities we often overlook.

I thought back to the things my mother taught. Home training was important. There were just some things we couldn't do. Today, I felt compelled to compose a new list:

1. Never walk into someone's home off of the street and head for the kitchen, refrigerator, or cabinets. You don't live there. You don't get to determine how clean your hands are. Your host does.

2. Calling before you stop by doesn't mean making the call while parked in the driveway of the person you want to visit. Be considerate. You might not get inside.

3. If your kid is sick, sneezing, or coughing, leave him or her at home. Share Cheetos, not germs.

4. If the activity in which you were previously engaged left you dirty, perspiring and humming (and not the musical kind), don't go and track dirt on someone's carpet or leave your salty DNA all over someone's upholstery.

5. There's a reasonable hour to call or visit. The crack of dawn, breakfast time, lunchtime, dinnertime and bedtime ain't it.

6.When you make a phone call and a party answers, say "Hello".

7. Familiarity is not endearing. Respect boundaries. Want to maintain your friendship status? Don't ever take "make yourself at home" as a signal to do whatever you want.

8. When visiting an elderly or ailing person's home, don't ever expect to be served. As a matter of fact, bring something. Why deplete another person's resources?

9. Never overstay your welcome. Know when to go home. Your host's yawning is a good sign.

10. What you may have been allowed to do in the past. may no longer be appropriate, given current circumstances. Know when people are being nice. What you've always been able to do may not fly anymore.

11.Pick your battles. Assume that people just don't know any better. Everyone was not raised in your mother's house.

12. Lead by example. Teach when necessary.