When the quiet, observant, nice, discerning person says there's a
problem, take note. There's probably a problem. I have never, EVER wanted to
dislike anyone. I've always tried to find the good in everyone. Some
people, however, give you far too many reasons to skip that; too many
annoyances that override your usual sunny disposition. I am convinced
that people bring spirits so foul and divisive that it is unbearable to
occupy the same space with them--even for a little while.
They annoyed my late mother with their intrusiveness, thoughtlessness, and disrespect. Calling and popping in at all hours. Eating up her food. Overstaying their welcome. Monopolizing my dad's time. Interfering with their plans. Gossiping and always touting some get rich quick scheme, or jackleg religious endeavor. Always coming to him when they couldn't pay their bills. Acting as if there was shared DNA...They are too familiar. It is not clear to some of them that friendship with my father does not mean friendship with me. I've seen enough of their ways over the years to know that I don't trust them as far as I could throw them.
I yelled "Get out!" yesterday, repeatedly, in a way my mother never would have. It was as if I was doing it for her because she didn't--and can't any more. Years of suppressed disgust burst out of me. I guess it takes a lot of nerve to tell someone to get out of a house that you don't own...lol...The tasks of care giving are tough enough without the constant imposition or presence of those who showed so little regard for my mother. Maybe they didn't know what a thorn in the side they were because she never put her foot down.
My mother is heavy on my mind these days. I wish I didn't know how she felt. I believe I've absorbed her discontent. I realized today that I have been frustrated for my mother; missing her terribly; imagining what she dealt with for so many years, and how. She's gone, has been since 2003, but the annoying people who plagued her life aren't. It's like they won. I'm angry and nursing a grudge that isn't even mine and experiencing the annoyances first hand.
Mommy never said anything to them. She was such a lady. She took a lot; kept quiet about a lot--graciously. I wondered, today, what role stress played in her illness and death. I want to talk to my mother's friends. Maybe I want them to talk to me. Tell me how she coped. Yesterday, I felt defeated. Today, I'm rested; blinders and gloves are off.
The nosy. The inconsiderate. Their nerve is unbelievable...but then, again, people do what they're allowed to do. Yesterday was a wake-up, so in case you're finally getting it, like me, say what you need to say immediately and with authority. Don't wait. It won't be pretty. Storing up words isn't a good idea. Trying to be nice, polite, and lady-like might spare them, but it isn't good for you. Some things do not need to be swept under the rug. Some behaviors need to be addressed before they get out of control-- and you lose control. If the person who SHOULD say something doesn't, can't, or won't, the chain of command may lead to you. Some people need to be ushered back into their own lane. Others are traveling the wrong way on the wrong highway, altogether.
Preserve the peace and order where you are. A longtime friend reminded me that I am never without a choice. Another asked me if I'd forgotten who was the captain of my joy. I'm sick and tired of busybodies. I've magnified them. That's my fault. Note to self: Don't ever do it again.
Fortunately, yesterday's demon didn't succeed. I'm still here--taking a lot of deep breaths, but still here. I did not cry. I did not back down. I sprayed the chair they occupied with Lysol since I didn't have a silver cross or garlic handy. Yeah. It's like that. Some people are like a ray of sunshine. You love to see them coming. Others are like a puddle of hot, Ebola-laced cat pee. It's a celebration worthy of Red Velvet cake, premium ice cream, balloons and music when every trace of them is gone.
In your effort to maintain a good, positive environment in which an ailing person can heal and thrive, don't forget that it is also your environment--and the people allowed to occupy it may make it necessary that you make drastic adjustments. There is, however, no room for busybodies. None.
They annoyed my late mother with their intrusiveness, thoughtlessness, and disrespect. Calling and popping in at all hours. Eating up her food. Overstaying their welcome. Monopolizing my dad's time. Interfering with their plans. Gossiping and always touting some get rich quick scheme, or jackleg religious endeavor. Always coming to him when they couldn't pay their bills. Acting as if there was shared DNA...They are too familiar. It is not clear to some of them that friendship with my father does not mean friendship with me. I've seen enough of their ways over the years to know that I don't trust them as far as I could throw them.
I yelled "Get out!" yesterday, repeatedly, in a way my mother never would have. It was as if I was doing it for her because she didn't--and can't any more. Years of suppressed disgust burst out of me. I guess it takes a lot of nerve to tell someone to get out of a house that you don't own...lol...The tasks of care giving are tough enough without the constant imposition or presence of those who showed so little regard for my mother. Maybe they didn't know what a thorn in the side they were because she never put her foot down.
My mother is heavy on my mind these days. I wish I didn't know how she felt. I believe I've absorbed her discontent. I realized today that I have been frustrated for my mother; missing her terribly; imagining what she dealt with for so many years, and how. She's gone, has been since 2003, but the annoying people who plagued her life aren't. It's like they won. I'm angry and nursing a grudge that isn't even mine and experiencing the annoyances first hand.
Mommy never said anything to them. She was such a lady. She took a lot; kept quiet about a lot--graciously. I wondered, today, what role stress played in her illness and death. I want to talk to my mother's friends. Maybe I want them to talk to me. Tell me how she coped. Yesterday, I felt defeated. Today, I'm rested; blinders and gloves are off.
The nosy. The inconsiderate. Their nerve is unbelievable...but then, again, people do what they're allowed to do. Yesterday was a wake-up, so in case you're finally getting it, like me, say what you need to say immediately and with authority. Don't wait. It won't be pretty. Storing up words isn't a good idea. Trying to be nice, polite, and lady-like might spare them, but it isn't good for you. Some things do not need to be swept under the rug. Some behaviors need to be addressed before they get out of control-- and you lose control. If the person who SHOULD say something doesn't, can't, or won't, the chain of command may lead to you. Some people need to be ushered back into their own lane. Others are traveling the wrong way on the wrong highway, altogether.
Preserve the peace and order where you are. A longtime friend reminded me that I am never without a choice. Another asked me if I'd forgotten who was the captain of my joy. I'm sick and tired of busybodies. I've magnified them. That's my fault. Note to self: Don't ever do it again.
Fortunately, yesterday's demon didn't succeed. I'm still here--taking a lot of deep breaths, but still here. I did not cry. I did not back down. I sprayed the chair they occupied with Lysol since I didn't have a silver cross or garlic handy. Yeah. It's like that. Some people are like a ray of sunshine. You love to see them coming. Others are like a puddle of hot, Ebola-laced cat pee. It's a celebration worthy of Red Velvet cake, premium ice cream, balloons and music when every trace of them is gone.
In your effort to maintain a good, positive environment in which an ailing person can heal and thrive, don't forget that it is also your environment--and the people allowed to occupy it may make it necessary that you make drastic adjustments. There is, however, no room for busybodies. None.
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