THURSDAY THOUGHTS: BEFORE ONE CHRISTMAS

Hindsight really is 20/20. 

On Monday and Tuesday, I would not have been able to convince anyone that I wasn't getting illegal collagen injections from a quack, back-alley plastic surgeon. 

Was it really a toothpaste allergy? (I did try the super whitening sample for an entire week on the cruise.

How did I ignore the tingling? Did I think it was supposed to do that?) 

I did kind of overdo it Monday afternoon with the baking soda and peroxide, and it wasn't good 'ol, tried and true Arm and Hammer, either) 

Cosmetics? Was it the lipstick? Didn't I remember the unusual stinging when I applied the gloss last week? 

Was it the peanuts I roasted? 

Was it the costume jewelry? 

Have I been eating right? Am I skipping vitamins? 

I was grasping for straws.  

I threw away lipsticks and glosses, my toothbrush, and was glad to find some hydrocortisone cream. 

It wasn't pretty...not at all. 

Then I took to the internet and scared myself to death reading about my symptoms, looking at images, and ruling out the myriad of things that could be ailing me.

"I look like a duck", I lamented to my daughter as she walked away to keep me from seeing the look on her face. No. That would be an insult to ducks everywhere. I apologize to my fine-feathered friends. 

She laughed. I didn't blame her. If my top lip didn't feel as if a paperweight had been surgically attached, I would have laughed, too. 

I was talking like Mushmouth. 

Singing would be out of the question, I imagined. 

As I drifted off in a Benadryl-induced sleep on Monday, I told myself I might have to sit out the event on Tuesday night. 

I missed rehearsal Monday night. 

The Benadryl knocked me out. 

I woke up at 3 in the morning. 

My phone displayed all of the calls I'd missed as I slept.  

"I think I may be able to pull it off if I "eat" the microphone" I told myself as I drifted back to sleep. 

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, I looked as if I'd sparred with a heavyweight, but my daughter reassured me that I looked a lot better than I did the day before. She's an honest young woman, so I believed her. Her words saved me a hesitant trip to the mirror, but I could see my lips just fine without it.

 

I profusely thanked God for ice, Benadryl, and water. When she finally reached me by phone, my friend Darlene suggested cold compresses and lots of liquids. "You've got to flush it out" she advised. I found a Huskies ice pack in the freezer, and wrapped it in paper towels and rested it on my lips, but it obscured my entire face. It occurred to me that I needed to do that in moderation, too. "No sense exchanging the gross swelling for frostbite", I thought....

As I felt my face ballooning, I think I repented for everything I'd ever done wrong in my entire life. I think I got saved all over again, too...."If my lips have harmed anyone in any way, I am truly, truly sorry, Lord. I need my lips, dear, sweet, Jesus. These lips right here? These lips right here are not, NOT television camera-ready. They're not breakfast, lunch, or dinner ready either. Can you help a sistah out?" 

I was mad at the devil, but he wasn't the one who told me to put a hunk of no-name baking soda in my mouth, chase it with generic, undiluted hydrogen peroxide, and brush vigorously.

Rhonda picked me up around 2:30, and we headed to The Howard Theater for a 3PM soundcheck. I'd decided that I would just hide myself up on a riser...way in the back... behind a Christmas tree or something. 
When we got there, it occurred to me to ask, "What song are we singing?" When they all said "Angels! Didn't you know? That's what we rehearsed last night!", I waited for someone to shout "April Fool!" 

That didn't happen. 

I had convinced myself we would be singing something from the "Rejoice" CD since it was a Christmas program we were taping. 

ANGELS? Oh, dear Lord! Okay...Where's my little Maurette? Is Maurette coming? I was going to have to be in full view and there was no way I could dodge cameras. Maurette wasn't going to be there, so I would be singing her verse, too...Myriam, a friend and one of the production staff came over to me and immediately started moving hair out of my face. "I want to see your face!" she scolded...As the tech handed me my microphone, he said, "You seem a bit overwhelmed. Relax. It'll be okay". 

Everyone kept assuring me that the swelling wasn't as bad as I thought. Makeup artist Fred Sanders did a wonderful, delicate job on most of my face--but I decided I'd tackle my slowly deflating lips myself.

(It's funny. As I age, the allergies my Mom had, seem to be visiting me. 

I have to get rid of jewelry that has even a trace of nickel. 

I guess the next thing I’ll be doing is using dye/ perfume free products, and tossing out lots of makeup.  I will enter the world of Almay, and all other things hypoallergenic, I suppose, but I have to applaud Cover Girl for the collaboration with Olay--and some old school castor oil saved the day, too...lol

There was a lot of "hurry up and wait" that night, but as I look back I'm thankful for all of the delays, and lineup changes. Iyanla sensed how tired we were as we waited backstage, smiled, and said “Fix your face, Beloved”. It was the equivalent to being told, “Stand up straight”. 

By the time we did take the stage, thanks to the Benadryl, I was looking a little closer to human--but I did eat that mike just the same---just in case.

Drummer, Danny McCrimmon was seated in the balcony, and snapped a few photos. I was glad that the moment was captured. I'd been a fan of Iyanla Vanzant since the "Starting Over" series, and there she was being maternally empowering and encouraging...It really was special---allergic reaction and all.

There are always lessons to learn. 

Richard offered a good one--"Stick to the tried and true". Ms. Vanzant offered a comical, but on-time one as well, that promoted patience, graciousness, and humility. I’ll never forget it.

TUESDAY THOUGHTS: IN MY DREAMS

Yesterday I dreamed my friends Troy and Jason were desperately trying to wake me. 

There was a show about to start aboard the ship, and I'd overslept....
I don't usually remember my dreams in great detail, just that I did dream something. 

Perhaps it's because I get up and start busying myself with other things, during whatever prime window of time is best for recalling the night's featured movie of the mind.

Last night, however,  I dreamed I'd left open the window nearest my bed. 

I woke up in the dream, and noticed a rotting hollow tree, that was almost the height of the building. 

Then, I saw something move toward my window. 

I thought it was a branch extended toward me, but it was a huge snake. 

I looked down, and was suddenly frightened because the snake was coiled around the tree from top to bottom. When it saw me, though, it's head retreated and hid, but I could still see the rest of its body coiled around the tree, and its tail moving in the grass. 

I was screaming at it, "I can see you!" 

I reached for a vase that had stones in the bottom of it. I emptied the rocks onto the bed and was about to start throwing them at the snake, when something told me, "Don't do THAT! Close the window!" 

I hurried and closed it, and watched the snake uncoil. 

Then I REALLY woke up, and noticed the actual tree outside my window was being shaken violently by the wind.

I started to call someone, but it's too early for phones to be ringing, and in the words of the great philosopher Tamar Braxton, "Ain't nobody got time for that." 

So, out of curiosity, I turned to the internet for a possible explanation. 

I'm not spooky, by any stretch of the imagination, and don't take stock in a lot of things, but I read Tony Crisp's interpretations at Dreamhawk.com. 

I have to say, they were quite interesting. http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/snake/

MONDAY THOUGHTS: HAIR DAYS

The 7th Annual Capital Jazz Super Cruise is over. I'm so grateful. It was such a beautiful, relaxing time.

I stepped off of the Carnival Freedom, when the ship docked in La Romana, minus a usual accessory. 

It was hot--much too hot to don anything that would add degrees to my life. 

My personal summers are a force to be reckoned with all by themselves, and the hovering warmth of a Caribbean day certainly needs no embellishment. So, I did something I very rarely do. I broke a long standing unnecessary habit.

Hair has been a bit of an accessory for me for a long time. Frankly it's easier when traveling or planning for a performance to just grab a wig, or weave up. 

I decided years ago to forgo relaxers, but rarely allowed my own hair to see the light of day, or be seen by others. I called myself protecting it. 

I love the way it feels. Thick and healthy like it was when I was a little girl. Maybe I convinced myself it was just faster and more convenient to wear someone else's hair, skip the curling irons and the like, cornrow my own hair, and go. 

I still don't remember when I stopped regularly doing my own hair. I'm sure there was some performance involved.

The other day, I guess I must have felt differently. Enough people certainly let me know I looked differently. 

"I didn't know who you were! You should do that more often. You have a different energy!" one friend told me. 

“A different energy”. 

I liked that. 

My 53rd birthday is fast approaching. I could use all the energy I can get! Who knew all I had to do was let my hair come out to play? Did I imagine a bit more of a spring in my step? Nope. It was definitely there. Free and uninhibited is a good thing.

Eight days aboard a cruise ship, being mesmerized by the seascape, surrounded by amazing music, delicious food, and talented, good friends was refreshing for me. At the Graham Central Station concert I was singing along and having a ball. I felt calm and happy. I was reminded of high school sock hops and college days when even the thought of wearing a wig was non-existent. Funny, but the wig never did make another appearance until it emerged from my suitcase yesterday. It looked a little dissed. Will I accept another friend's challenge and ditch it and others for good? Will I join my daughter and other friends and "come out of bondage"? Who knows. All I do know, as a woman of a certain age, is that is it's cool to be cool.

Today has been one of introspection. The happy feeling; the feeling of serenity doesn't have to end. I haven't done much other than check mail, email, and phone messages. Part of the freeing feeling was being disconnected from phones and computers. I almost forgot that today was a holiday. 

What a fitting way to spend the day--celebrating freedom of any kind.