SECURITY AND HINDSIGHT

It's not hard to detect when a show is being put on just for you. 

The lengths to which an insecure person will go, to convince others of the legitimacy, perfection, and reality of their situation can be extensive, repetitive, and even pathetic. 

Forget about the impressions, or perceptions you want others to have. Be honest with yourself. 

What do you know to be true?

Whatever you have is not much of a prize if you feel you have to spend any time demonstrating how great it is, or keeping constant tabs on it. 

There's a difference between appreciation, thankfulness, and gratitude, and desperate boasting and inappropriately timed displays of affection that are seldom, if ever, returned in kind.

You know when something truly belongs to you. 

You don't have to declare it, or smother it. 

You know when, or if it has a tendency to slip away on occasion; ignore loyalties and covenants, and perhaps that's where the need to be obnoxious, clingy, and demonstrative comes from. 

When it's great, and unbreakable, others will see and acknowledge it, concede and respect that it's yours.

The admiration and respect that a mutually loving relationship brings is unmistakable, and practically impossible not to acknowledge and respect. 

However, if it is obvious that you haven't quite succeeded in convincing yourself that what you have is secure, viable and strong, it will show, and you will inadvertently invite competition, pity--and even thieves.

Sometimes, it's not others who need to be schooled, shown, or convinced. They won't be affected one way or the other by the things you do to try and make them sad, mad, envious, or uncomfortable about your possessions--especially  if they know the truth of a matter. 

Too often, the truth they know is that, if they really wanted it, they can have what you've got at any time, and on their own terms-- without even trying. 

How do they know? 

One's own actions scream it in surroundsound.

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You've always been clear. You could have cleared the air long ago, but the silence you maintained was the silence they preferred. You know that the truth never needs defending. It's obvious to those who want to see it.

Every time they encounter you, they want to take you aside; sit down; talk to you; pick your brain, but they always hesitate. 

All they can manage is a smile. 

You smile back. 

There are many notes you could compare. They know you've never meant them any harm. They also know you never did nor said all of the heinous things they've been told. They know you aren't who someone else says you are. 

Those who rely on them to sustain themselves, are invested in lies, and dependent upon your continued silence. After all, gravy trains are difficult for some people to disembark. 

Saving face, pride, and hanging on to bad investments often eclipses making sound, liberating decisions.

They have so much to say to you; so much to clarify. They wish you to be the bad guy; their enemy. It would make their stance easier. It would explain their fierce defense of the indefensible. 

Deep down, they have to acknowledge that you neither look, nor act the part of a nemesis. They've painted you as such, though. They have to, and you know who's been regularly supplying the paint. It helps their narrative, and their self image to brand you the bad guy, but the paint doesn't stick. They know better. Everyone knows better, and everyone, trained in the art of minding their own business, remains silent, too. 

You did nothing wrong; nothing inappropriate, but a great deal of harm was done to you. They fear and know you're just another victim of someone they trust--except Mercy and Grace snatched you away.

 

You were bruised and deceived, but you're okay now. It took a while to recover, but you're over it all, and thankful for the lesson. They're, however, still in it--up to their necks--and getting out would be problematic, traumatic, and expensive. 

They have so many questions, but they already know the answers. They just don't want to hear them from you. It would mean they'd have to reevaluate everything they think, feel, and believe about someone they love and trust, or the situation in which they've invested so much.

They eventually stop treating you like a leper; stop trying to intimidate you; stop invading your space; stop trying to shame you and make you envious. They know that there's nothing to envy. They've stopped thinking that you want to be in their shoes. Many days, they don't want to wear them, either. 

They used to think you wanted what they have. Many days, they don't want it either. 

They've learned how to cope, and keeping up a facade has them working overtime.

 

You, however, have learned how to be thankful for the bullet you dodged.