Sunday, December 16, 2012

SUBSTITUTE TEACHER TALES: POETRY PROMPT---DISCIPLINE


Someone knew something about the Newtown shooter that, perhaps, should have been shared with the Newtown community. 
Someone is not saying something, is whispering amongst others who also knew something, or is thinking that speaking up now won't do any good, or is too late.

As a teacher, I could ALWAYS tell, when in a conference with a parent, that I wasn't sharing anything about a child's behavior that the parent didn't already know
In some cases, parents would become defensive and even belligerent. Telling them their child had broken a rule would strike, not the nerve that said, "Thank you. I need to correct my child" but the one that yelled, "Who do you think you are, and why are you attacking me?"

When I would hear comments like, "I know my child can be a handful.", I'd think to myself, "That's alright. Your child may act a fool at home, but he/ she is going to follow directions in my classroom". That was, of course, only after thinking "Well, what the heck do you expect me to do with him/her?" 

It was okay, though. 
I knew EXACTLY what to do. 
I prayed. 
A LOT. 
I reasoned with kids. 
A LOT. 

I wonder if the scores of children I taught ever knew that it was I who craved peace and pleasantness the most? 
I didn't intend to have problems. 
I was going to teach Art, AND have order in my classroom, and no one would be excluded. 
I didn't think that was an unreasonable hope or achievement.

At the end of the year, some parents who dreaded summer vacation as much as they celebrated the first day of school, would ask, "Why does he/ she listen to you?" 
My reply would be something along the lines of: "I'm a mother, myself. What I expect from my own child, I expect from yours
What I wish for my own child, I wish for yours
I don't play with my students. 
I'm their teacher, and I love them. 
I would do all I can to help them, and won't hurt them, but I'm not trying to be their friends. 
They know that I mean what I say, and there will be no dialog or debate. 
If they want to come in here and stay, they know they have to behave themselves, and follow directions. 
I also need to know that I have the support of parents, and that they acknowledge that where their children are concerned, we are a united front--- a team
I am not the enemy
The school system doesn't pay me enough to be afraid of or intimidated by a child, nor his or her parent."

One needed not resort to any of the various methods now deemed corporal punishment, either, (although just one good old fashioned trip to the woodshed may have been just what a few kids--and parents--may have needed). 
Most parents would admit they wouldn't trade places with a school teacher for a minute. 
I remember the neighborhood parent who used to be a veritable hellion in her criticism of the school and teachers, and her defense of her children. Then, she became a school security guard. 
From that day on, she was the biggest, most outspoken advocate in the community for teachers, and the biggest critic of parents who raised the most hell, but whose presence at the school was rare.

There is a way to deal with children, whereby they know you love them, will protect, and go to bat for them. 
Defending them when they're wrong, making excuses for, minimizing, being amused by, or putting up with disrespectful words and behavior, however was, and is never smart. 
When there is no mention of consequences, or parents are inconsistent, it's not long before children begin to see themselves as their parents' equal. 
If they see their parents as people who can be easily manipulated, it's not long before they see other adults as pushovers, too.

I listen to the way some children talk to their parents and I cringe. 
I see kids in public behaving ridiculously while their parents seem to have lapsed into a coma, and I can imagine my late mother, late grandmothers, or any adult from my childhood whose mere look in a child's direction could freeze inappropriate behavior in a matter of seconds. 
Sometimes, I think it has become easier to drug children and give their behavior a name, than to take the time required to teach them right from wrong.

Some parents act as if they just don't want to be bothered, and don't care what their children do. Some don't want anyone to say anything to their children. They say they can handle them, but they either don't, or won't do it. 
Further, they expect the people upon whom they unleash their children to understand.  (So you're NOT going to turn down the volume on the video game you brought to church, close the zip lock bag of goldfish crackers, pick up the crumbs from the floor, and just let your child kick, scream and cry through the ENTIRE sermon, ARE you? 
Then you're going to get all mad and offended when you're asked to step out, or an usher comes to save the day for everyone? Then you have the nerve to conclude that people can buy the tape? So they can do what? Meditate on, and reminisce about your child's meltdown and your inconsideration?...but, of course, I digress.)

I wish I would have talked back to either of my parents, let alone hit one of them. 
I imagine there would have been vehicles from two government agencies outside our home: The police and the coroner. Guess which one I would have been riding in? Mine would have been a lovely funeral where everyone would have commented on how well the undertaker fixed my corpse's swollen lip. 

The thought that either of my parents would be afraid of me, never crossed my mind at any stage of my life. Not listening to either of them just wasn't an option. 
(Case in point: Four of the 12 rolls were a little browner than the others on Thanksgiving Day, because my father said "It's time to pray over the food." That meant stop what you're doing and head to the table NOW. 
Did I mention I'm not 8 years old? )

Good home training sticks, and it can't suddenly start when a child is looking at you eye to eye.
There is a huge difference, however, between a defiant, disrespectful, unruly, child whose parents failed to discipline and teach respect/manners, and a mentally ill child whose parents don't know what to do, beg for help, but don't get it.
She's an adult, and taller than I am, but I can't imagine being afraid of my own child. 
Anyone from the "I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out" generation, gets it. Those who managed to survive the school of thought which had mantras like:
"I won't have NOTHING in my house that I can't control!", or
"You don't have any rights. You do what you're told.", or
"Don't embarrass me. Wherever you act up, is where you're gonna get it.", have a VERY hard time watching kids run roughshod over their exasperated parents. 
Hearing parents say, "I just don't know what to do with him/ her" makes some old-schoolers shake their heads and mutter, "Give that kid to me for one day, and I bet you won't have any more trouble out of them."

MODERN CLASSROOM: A RANT

Lots of information on the walls
For official observers to see
Lots of ideas for lessons to learn
But, it's too bad they can't read

Smart mouthed, foul mouthed, defiant ones
Live to challenge you
Sad, they don't have sense enough
To see the harm they do
It's on themselves that they project
The greatest, darkest light
Failing to appreciate, their actions are not right
Manners lost; kindness missing
Just basic rules they lack
Never knowing why they're here
But they keep coming back

I heard one say, "This school is dumb"
I said, "But wait. You're here".
I guess he hadn't thought of that
As his smirk disappeared
He said that "the academy" he'd attended, called him "bright"
The only reason he's now here's, because he chose to fight
"They put me out", he said as if he didn't understand
Acting a fool is something for which some schools just won't stand

And so, it seems that some places 
Have become the dumping ground
Where disruption has no consequence
And order can't be found
And those who do know how to behave
Whose hopes to learn are so sincere
Spend endless days in chaos
Thinking, "Get me out of here!"

There's no amount of money
No new technology
To hide the fact that scores of kids
Are woefully in need
They're crying for attention
That's what it's all about
The way they've chosen, sadly
Is to spend days acting out

The talking back, the disrespect
The words that bite and sting
For some, has removed all the joy
From this noble teaching thing
Too many getting punished
For daring to do right
Too many get uprooted
Before kids see the light

But someone knows what's going on
It's so hard not to care
Could it be systematic
This failure in the air?
We know what works
We know what won't
We could set all things right
The elephant that's in the room
Is fueling all the blight

It's time to get control of things
The time to act is now
Dysfunction breeds in apathy
You get what you allow





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