'Be anxious for nothing..." ~Philippians 4:6

Saturday, December 31, 2016

GOODBYE 2016

YouTube was on auto-play when I went to sleep last night. When I woke up, I heard these words, and they were like an end-of-the-year gift to help pave the way for 2017:
 
"Sometimes, the boat you're not rocking is actually sinking...Everybody makes mistakes, but some people make choices...Be sweet-- but with boundaries...When you're healed, you start to look at bad behavior for what it is...Decide what YOU'RE going to do...Challenge what is...You are allowed to exist...You don't please others to your detriment...Say "yes" when "yes" is really the answer...You are important, too...Do not change who you are, my kindhearted people..."  
#permissiontoexist
 
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvhUonCNFos

Saturday, December 24, 2016

NATIONAL EGGNOG DAY

It's Christmas Eve. It's also National Eggnog Day. 

I was in the kitchen thinking about my mom. She was such the holiday bunny. To her, certain things were just supposed to happen simply because it was Christmastime. 

It's a little chilly, cloudy, and rainy today. It's the kind of day that, if she were still alive, there would have been some homemade eggnog on the stove, and a large ladle resting nearby. I didn't even like eggnog, but I had no problem drinking my mom's. Hers was the only eggnog I would drink. On cold days, it was heavenly.

I was looking at the shiny silver pot she always used, and thinking about the work involved. I could pull out the big glass punch bowl and the dainty cups. "I've got eggs. I could make some", I thought. Did I feel like it, though? Nah. It was a nice thought. All ambition. (My daughter recently gave me a litre carton of Paul hot chocolate. I guess it's not a crime to drink hot chocolate on National Egg Nog Day. Besides, it's already made.) I could just reminisce about Mommy.
If I have some egg nog today, store-bought it will be--but not the liquor store. That year was funny. Mommy had been so naive and sweet.
I'd come to visit and recognized the aroma, but there was something different about it-- not the usual McCormick vanilla extract smell, but more pungent. She was at the stove slowly and steadily stirring.
I picked up the empty, fancy, quart carton that was on the counter.
"What's this?"
"Eggnog. We wanted some, but didn't feel like making any."
"Who gave this to you, Mommy?"
 "Well, the Giant didn't have any, and neither did 7-Eleven. I looked everywhere, so I went to the liquor store down the street and they had some. I just thought...I mean they sell milk and orange juice and sodas, don't they? It doesn't taste too good cold, though."
"Mommy, did you look at the carton before you decided to heat it up?"
"No. Why? I just put it in the pot. We had a little bit. I figured I'd heat up the rest of it. You should try it."
"You might want to look at the carton."
"What are you talking about? Where?"

"Look right here Mommy."
"Lord, have mercy! Thirty proof? No wonder it's so warm in here!"
"Well, Mommy, what did you expect from liquor store eggnog?"
"I just thought eggnog was eggnog!"

We laughed a long time about it--a really long time. I could just see my prissy mother walking her Easy Spirits into the liquor store, articulately asking the clerk where he kept his eggnog, and not being worried one bit if anyone saw her, because of course, she didn't drink, and her mission was quite innocent. She just wanted eggnog.

Mommy poured the rest down the drain, as if it was poison, and decided she wasn't too tired to make her own eggnog after all. She'd know for sure what was in it. It was worth it. Hers was frothier, creamier; prettier. It smelled wonderful, and wouldn't put everyone to sleep.

Monday, December 19, 2016

OH, WHAT A NIGHT

I was (and still am) an avid Smallwood Singers fan, so of course I was geeked one day back in the late 90's to find out Vision would be recording a Christmas album, and I'd be singing a duet with the incomparable Darlene Simmons. (For a long time, I was sure she was Chaka Khan's little sister-- or clone--or something.)

I wasn't feeling my best that day at the studio, but I didn't dare say anything. My throat was a little sore, and I could swear I'd developed a strange lisp.
I loved “Oh What A Night”  the first time I heard it. Once we were both comfortable with our parts, the session seemed to fly by. I wasn't sure if I'd done my best, but Richard was okay with it, so I figured, what did I know? Maybe it was just nerves.

Not long after I’d arrived home from  the studio, my phone rang. Richard said that he and his manager were listening back to the instrumental and choir tracks. He'd asked Roger to let him hear what Darlene and I had done. He said that music could be heard just fine on the track, but there were no lead vocals. He said he told him to turn up the volume, and waited as Roger was pushing buttons and shifting knobs on the board, but our tracks had mysteriously vanished. 
We would have to go back and re-record. I was actually happy to get a do-over. If I'm, not mistaken, we went back the following day.
Darlene's kids were at the studio this time. Richard had ordered food for everyone and we could see him through the glass of the booth. It was like a scene from “Daddy Daycare” He was dividing up french fries, opening ketchup packets, and directing us at the same time. It looked like he had 8 arms. There was the great maestro searching bags, unwrapping straws, wiping spills, and making sure the kids were sitting close enough to the table. The sight was hilarious, but he was multitasking very well. He heard every little thing we did. We thought we were done when he suddenly looked up from pouring juice, and said, "Hey! You know what?” Darlene and I shook our heads. “Oh, Lord! He’s thinking!” We’d seen that face before, and it was always accompanied by, “It’s easy”, or “It’s not that high!”
“I want you all to sing this: "Oh, oh whaaaat a niiiii--i--ight, okay?
He taught us the parts, then said, "Darlene, you take the top". We laughed about that, as if there was any question between the two of us who would take the high notes.

When we were done, we joined Richard, Roger and the kids. Just as we were about to listen, Darlene's daughter Cyera said, "Uncle Richard, I know a song!" He said, "You do baby? Are you gonna sing it?" We all expected her to sing her version of  "Oh, What a Night" or another Smallwood song. A serious look came over her little face. She closed her eyes, bobbed her head, began tapping one foot really hard on the floor to give herself a beat, and commenced singing ALL of the lyrics to Kirk Franklin's "Stomp". We laughed and clapped for little Cyera, and then listened to the tracks to see if there was anything we needed to fix.
Once again, Richard said he was pleased.
This time, our vocals didn't disappear...:)

MONDAY THOUGHTS: ANGRY BLACK WOMAN?























"Something's wrong with her...
She's something else!...
She needs to chill...
She's just bitter...
She's mean...
She's insecure...
She's jealous...
She doesn't listen...
She talks too much...
She's loud...
She should smile more..."

No. That's not it at all.

THIS is it:
She refuses to accept your crap as warranted or deserving.
 
She does not abide, or make excuses for abuse of any kind. 

She discerns your disregard and disrespect, but doesn't allow it to define or hinder her. 

She knows what belongs to her, and will not allow you to usurp it. 
She doesn't cosign your untruthful, manipulative narrative. 

She has a long memory, and is adept at documenting everything. 

She will not dumb down.

She cannot be silenced by those who benefit from schemes and secrets at her expense. 

She will not allow you to be condescending. 

She will not allow herself to be put upon. 

She is not a wimp. 

She works hard. 

She won't let your lies about her diminish her value.
 
She doesn't answer to the dreadful names you want to call her. 

She speaks up for herself when those in authority are too cowardly or entangled to do so.

She refuses to smile when there's nothing to smile about. 

She's not laughing if it's not funny.

She asks pertinent questions and expects answers and results.

She takes care of her children--alone if necessary--and, without complaint, sacrifices for their success.
 
She expects people to do what they say they will do.

She will not allow you to explain away or excuse your irresponsibility, ignorance, or inappropriate behavior. 

She speaks truth to power. 

Just because she may not say much at times, doesn't mean she doesn't see

She loves justice. 

She takes the high road.

She knows who she is.

If that's being angry, so be it. 
We should ALL be so angry.

 #AngryBlackWoman

Friday, December 16, 2016

FRIDAY THOUGHTS: INSPIRED

I went out to get the newspaper. 
It's very cold out. 
I'd only grabbed a shawl, so I was moving more quickly than usual.

On the way back from the box, something compelled me to look up. 
It's gray out. 
The sky is dreary this morning, and the Sun is there, but it just seems to be laying back. 
The scene has all of the characteristics of depression and blah. 
The trees are bare, and nothing looks bright.

What encouraged me, and made me forget the scene and the cold, was a lone bird, perched atop the highest branch of one of the trees in the back yard. There it was. Just sitting there, surveying; not afraid; not shivering; just being.

That bird made me smile. I wanted to applaud it. The kind of screaming I would be doing at that height, without the comfort of some kind of vehicle would have been tremendous. 
The bird was confident, proud, content, and where it belonged. It didn't settle for the lower branches. It chose the tip top, where the best view could be appreciated. It was high up, AND looking up

I was glad I had my phone. I wanted to remember that bird with it's bad self. It didn't care if I was looking, and didn't need my approval. 
I loved it.

I came into the house and thought I could catch a glimpse of it again from the back windows. I looked out and up. The bird was gone. 

I don't know what caused it to fly away. Maybe it was done doing what it was supposed to, or wanted to do. Maybe it got the rest it needed. Maybe it was just loving being itself; capable of being perched that high, feeling no pain, and in no danger.

I sure hope it saw what it needed to see--and finds a warmer place to be.

FRIDAY THOUGHTS: MENTORS: CHOOSE WISELY



















Your chosen mentor is regularly embroiled in some conflict-- mild or otherwise. 
Follow the gossip, and it always begins at his or her doorstep. You’ve convinced yourself that they’re just “informed”.
Follow the complaints, and fault finding, and you'll find your mentor leading the charge. 

Their penchant for sowing seeds of discord, has caused them to be demoted. 
They have no authority, just a truckload of advice about what you and others ought to do, and how you should do it. 

They have no current achievement of which to speak; nothing that gives you the impression that the success of the organization or leadership, is their aim. 

They exist in a bubble within the organization, and have, in their minds, elevated it and what they do to a status that no one else supports. 
They think that what they do eclipses the work of the organization.
They think that what they do, gives the organization life; sustains it, and is the only bright spot in an otherwise dysfunctional enterprise. 

They need allies, and have drafted you to be a part of some imaginary coup.

This is your chosen mentor? Really?

They have very little, if anything good to say about the organization’s leadership—the leadership whose support, endorsement, and recommendation you will surely need, in order to achieve your desired goals.
 
Your mentor desires to see leadership fail, or be replaced. 
He or she has no confidence in leadership, and pits you against those of whom they are envious, suspicious, or with whom they have shady dealings, or unresolved issues. 

Your mentor expects you to report to them; convinces you that you need their input about your performance, and how to proceed. 
He or she is always puffing you up, though; citing how your performance excels anything the leader has done or is doing. 
“You’ve got it going on! 
You’ve got what it takes!” 
You, they say, should be the leader. 

Imagine what your elevation would mean for them.

Think. Do you have a mentor or a manipulator?

Your mentor eventually begins encouraging you to leave, take your skills with your bad self, and seek promotion somewhere else. They’ve even done the research for you. They’ve dropped your name in conversations with others. You know (if you’re honest) that you are good, but you are neither ready, nor qualified, but your mentor’s words do sound promising-- and stroke your ego. 
You see the places your mentor suggests you go. 
You really do have to ask yourself, “Are they serious?”

You notice you are still on the job, but are stagnant; spinning your wheels in the same position. You begin to wonder if your mentor has a point. You adopt your mentor's ways and begin to gossip, complain, and find fault, but you justify it as concern for the integrity and survival of the organization. 
You look for cracks in the foundation, flaws in the character of leadership, and justifiable reasons to bow out. 
You find yourself at odds with the very people or persons you should trust; the very people from whom you should learn, and with whom you should collaborate. You find yourself in a clique, surrounded by grumbling, opportunistic misfits, who too, take their cues from your mentor. 
It shouldn’t surprise you when your access to leadership becomes limited.
You forget the sobering warning of every grandmother: "A dog that will bring a bone will carry one".

You’re frustrated that your promotion is delayed. You were once on a fast track.  It almost happened, but now you’re sidelined. Perhaps you should consider that who you align yourself with, may be the reason you’re going nowhere, and grace is the reason you’re even still in place.

Could your choice of mentor be the problem? Do you see it yet?

It matters who you follow. Look deeply. 
Dust off your discernment. Maybe your mentor’s problems aren’t only with the leader. 
Maybe they have issues with themselves---and you, too. 
Perhaps they blew their opportunities. 
Don’t blow yours. 

Some say they want you to excel. What they really want, is for you to remain on the ground—with them. 
Misery is everywhere, and it really does love company.

Realign yourself. 
Pay attention. 
Check your motives. 
You want a mentor, not a scoundrel.
Choose wisely.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

THURSDAY THOUGHTS: CASH COW


Funny. 

They had a mutual cash  cow. 
She bragged often about how easily and often she could milk that cow. 
He misrepresented himself for years; pretended to be family; discerned her gullibility, and she, even though she was family, and spilled all of the old, spoiled tea to him. He thought it was new, accurate, unfiltered, honest tea, and he mopped it up, used, and served it. 

He talked a good game, and she thought he was a close friend; an insider who, by virtue of his closer proximity to their mutual cash cow, would keep her informed. 
They thought their cash cow would be very pleased with their association. They, however, had mutual enemies who threatened access to their cash cow. 

Their alliance was forged to drive a wedge between the cash cow and anyone who challenged them. Surely, the cash cow would see that they were the only ones truly on his side, and not just in his pockets. 

They both made fatal mistakes. He took familiarity too far, tried to con the wrong person, and got banned. She chose the wrong person to whom she would be loyal, and got busted.
He only had one use of her, but she was, in her loneliness, actually warming to him. She actually began to think the con was her friend. Silly rabbit. Now they have to keep up their phone calls to each other, expressing fake concern for their cash cow, and disdain for those who saw through, and exposed them. They have to keep up their defense of each other, and their charade of a friendship, too. No one is fooled. They each see the other for the users and manipulators they truly are, and would turn on each other in a heartbeat if they thought it meant access to the cash flow that dried up as a result of their own antics.

Now, the jig is up, their motivation has been exposed, but they are still scheming; still inquiring of, and even sending others to the home of the cash cow to gain information for them—but to no avail. 
They even have social media spies who scour the pages of the cash cow's family looking for anything that they can capture, use, or repeat; anything that will make it appear that they are still in the loop.

She phones the cash cow every day, not realizing she is no longer trusted. After small talk, she eventually brings up the issues that used to cause her cash cow to reach for his checkbook and a postage stamp. The cash cow is hipper and wiser now. He is no longer a target. He suggests she go to her local bank. It, of course, has more money, and a greater chance than he does of getting its money back--with interest.
 

Saturday, December 10, 2016

CAREGIVER DIARIES: CHANGED


Yesterday was my Dad's 90th birthday.


As his caregiver, I think about his needs and wants regularly. I also think about my late mother on a regular basis--her charm, her poise, and her grace. I remember her intelligence, and eloquence; her cool; her ability to let things slide (or maybe it was just that she didn't complain out loud, and took her issues to God in prayer.)
I think about her candor, tact, and fearlessness when something needed to be addressed; her ability to see a need, assess her qualifications to meet it, and get the job done-- in spite of distractions and attempts at sabotage.
She was not loud, rowdy, or rude. She was not easily provoked. She was not passive, but she was classy, wise, and discerning. She minded her own business. She was one in whom others could confide. If you told her something, you didn't hear it again unless she was talking to you. She was never entangled in controversy. She was a leader and a good follower. She may not have said much, but she didn't miss much. 
When church ladies would hit on my Dad in front of her, and he would ask her how she felt about it, she wouldn't fly off the handle. She would laugh and say, "Oh, Bob, that lady has feelings, too. Maybe she's lonely." My mother's cool would infuriate them, and puzzle him. She wasn't jealous, petty, envious or catty. She was extremely secure. She was never entangled in mess and confusion. People would impose and be inconsiderate, but she was always gracious.
She took very good care of her home, was an exemplary employee, a dedicated friend, and always admonished us to take care of what was ours. She would always say, "Take care of what belongs to someone else, as if it was your own".

Sometimes I wish she hadn't taught me so well.

When she was sick, my Dad took care of her. I know if she had lived and the tables were turned, she would have done the same for him-- with diligence.
Many days I ask myself, "What would my Mommy do? What would she say?"
For years I witnessed people be less than kind to her; disrespect her; think they could walk all over her; and sometimes, in her own home. She however, was consistent. "Tit for tat" wasn't her way.

This is the fourth time that I have been my Dad's caregiver. This time, unlike before, it became apparent that I needed to leave DC and become a Maryland resident. This time, like before, I am faced with the test of difficult people. This time, however, escaping back to the peace and quiet of Southeast/Southwest DC is an option, but not one I will take. I've once again, made a commitment. I've also, once again, reminded myself that Goliath had brothers. I think about my mother and it strengthens me. She had to be one tough, patient cookie.

God's tests are funny. Just when you think, "Oh, I've got this!", people will show up just to make you think you don't. They'll behave so badly, so regularly, that they make you want to abandon ship, throw in the towel, and say "Oh, hell no. I'm not doing this".  It's in those times when you have to keep a determined focus on the principal thing. Remind yourself of the what, who, and why of what you do, and ignore everything else. 
No one is more vulnerable than the elderly. They are like targets, and ruthless people abound, and someone in place to protect them is critical. Someone in place to protect them is also a problem for those who have an unashamed history of taking advantage of them.

My Dad's desire is to be in his home. What that means for me is honoring his wishes, being in a very familiar place, handling the things my mother cherished, occupying the spaces in which she found comfort, and subjecting myself to much that I would ordinarily not have to tolerate. It means dealing with all manner of people who are neither my friends nor acquaintances. 
I hear and see a lot, and some things, frankly, I don't want to know, but I now know that everything I experience--the good, the bad and the crazy-- is necessary fodder for the test God intends for me to pass.

I've noticed changes in myself. My perception of certain people has been severely altered. My skin is thicker. My tolerance level is lower. My discernment is through the roof. My eyes are open. I am thrilled with, and appreciate some people in ways I didn't before. I am unhappy with, and and disappointed in others. I didn't know some people could be so kind and thoughtful. I didn't know that others could be so evil and conniving.

On two occasions since I have been his caregiver, I have gone off in a way that my mother would not have been proud of--or maybe she would have! Maybe I misunderstood my childhood narrative. Maybe my mother is watching over me saying "Well it's about time that girl found her voice! You tell 'em baby!" 
What I had to learn was something she knew well. Confrontation is not a bad thing, and neither is telling the truth in love. Don't just allow things to build up. Address them immediately. 

As a caregiver it is a privilege to be present for one's parent. With that comes responsibility--and headaches--not because of the illness, the aging, or the work involved, but from outside forces bent on causing confusion. People fail to realize that things have changed. I don't know how many times I have to say it. What may have been a bustling home with a revolving door, and an open door policy, is suddenly void of it's able-bodied host and gracious, hospitable hostess. It is, nonetheless, a home. It is a place where people live
It still has to be maintained. There are standards, rules and modes of operation, and routines. The things that perhaps you as a visitor used to be able, and allowed to do, are no longer prudent or feasible. Plans, expectations, and attitudes demand adjusting.

The person or persons who maintain the home of an aging or elderly person, and are tasked to care for his or her parent, is neither insignificant, a pushover, a slave, nor a peon. That person is not an employee of anyone outside of the home. Stop expecting caregivers to answer to you. Be considerate. 
If you don't share DNA, you are not entitled to personal information. You don't have all access. You don't deserve answers. The worse thing you can do is aggravate a caregiver and demonstrate that you are an instigator, an enemy, an opportunist, or a busybody.

The caregiver needs neither micromanagement, supervision, nor drama and stress. Those are things that some people seem to possess in great supply. What the caregiver needs is help that counts. Caring for an elderly or ailing individual is tough enough without having to deal with the nosiness, insensitivity, intrusion, demands, irresponsibility, and meddling of others. Too many people demand to know what's going on, do little or nothing of any significance, and endeavor to bully their way into a situation that is frankly, none of their business. 
If one is not going to help, one should not hurt. If one says one is going to do something, one should follow through. If one is being paid to do something, it should be done thoroughly, efficiently, and effectively. One should not be a nuisance. Phoning at all hours, dropping by unannounced, sabotaging dietary restrictions, bringing mess and gossip and a contentious spirit, are all things that people should not even think about doing if they expect to be welcomed.
People however, do what they are allowed to do. They also act on, speak about, and form opinions based upon what they have been told.

I challenge everyone who is in any way involved in a caregiving situation to ask yourself whether your actions help or hurt. Ask yourself what motivates you. Ask yourself if you're making work or helping to get it done. People who have an arrogant sense of entitlement are the worst. No. You can't come to another person's home and do what you want to do. No. You can't treat another person's home like a cheap motel. If you're on vacation, perhaps an elderly or ailing person's home is the wrong place to visit. No one will be serving or cleaning up after you, nor will they be amused by, or patient with your penchant for being a trifling slob. 
When your aim is to help someone, anything you do will never create contention in any area of their lives.

I thought about some of the things my Dad always says. When we asked him what he wanted for his birthday, he said, " All I just want a closer walk with thee". The "thee" in his request was of course, God. We knew, and he knew that he was the only one who could do something about that. We could only offer encouragement. 

I thought some more about the many things he has taught not only my siblings and me, but others. Some are verbatim, some are paraphrased, but here they are:

1.Address the irresponsible things that people say. Loose lips sink ships.
2.Find out if what you've heard is completely true before you act on it, or form an opinion about it. If you have no evidence or actual facts, perhaps you should keep quiet and not be guilty of spreading a lie.
3.Reserve judgment of others, especially if you are only in possession of one side of a story.
4.Demonizing, distracting, complaining, fault-finding, criticizing, flip-flopping, lying, sowing seeds of discord. These are the actions of a manipulator. Don't be gullible.
5.Never mind the business of others. It is a mistake to grant yourself authority or responsibility where it is not authorized, welcome, or wanted.
6.If what you do is poorly motivated it will show...and stink. Always ask yourself why you do what you do. If it is just to get back at, compete with, upset, or bother others you may as well have done nothing at all.
7.Ask yourself why people tell you certain things. Remember, a dog that will bring a bone will carry one.
8.Leadership depends upon followers. If you have a problem with the leader, go to the leader, not another follower. Attempting to undermine the leader while remaining in the organization will backfire. Again: A dog that will bring a bone will carry one.
9.Consider the state of mind of the person who is always in your ear; who is up early in the morning blowing up the phones of others; always eager to tell what they know; always looking for something to hang over the head of someone else; always looking to bring someone down. Are they insecure, angry, jealous, bitter, disappointed, confused, impaired, or troubled. Have they been demoted, ostracized, or ignored because of their history of causing strife and division? Do they have an agenda? Only a person who likes mess will become a receptacle for it.
10.If someone comes to you with gossip, find the person they're talking about and get them in the room or on the line. That will stop that foolishness.
11.Think about what you're doing, then ask yourself how you would feel if it was done to you.
12.Never compete with people who are not in competition with you.
13.Mess and confusion has no place in any organization, let alone the church. Be sure that you are not a part of the strife that exists.
14.Only a fool will tear down his or her own house. Never allow anyone to do anything in your house that you don't or can't do. Don't let people tear down your house in order to build up theirs.
15.People like to brag about what they had to do. They like to think they saved the day. They like to show up for the big things where they can be seen and acknowledged or rewarded. You can't find them when it comes  to the things that need to be done day to day.
16.People will tell you anything. Use your head.
17.On the job document everything so that no one will ever be able to say what you didn't do.
18.We don't recognize the things that we should. Let the people who vacuum, cut grass, dust, and clean the toilets stop doing it, and see what happens.
19.Sometimes people give you advice based on what they would want if they were in your shoes, and not what's best for you, or what pertains to your unique situation.
20.You can't please everybody. Stop trying.
21.Don't be silly. If a man wants you, you'll know it. Don't no man want a silly woman. Oh, he might mess with her, but that's all, and he don't want nobody to know about it.
22. I don't want to say or do anything that's not pleasing in God's sight.
23.Look like who you represent.
24.A lot of people don't want the job. They want to revolutionize it. You can't go into a place that's already established and think you're going to change it overnight. You'll get your feelings hurt.
25. Everyone is not your friend.
26.Trying to get attention can get you ignored.
Do your best. That's all you can do. An honest C is better than a dishonest A.
27. Some people will always have their hands out. Try to help people as much as you can, but don't let them take advantage of you.
28. Know the difference between your friends and acquaintances.
29. No one can make you do anything.
30.A real man takes care of and covers his family. Home comes first.

Friday, December 2, 2016

NEW ATTITUDE

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think; then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." ~Romans 12:2




CHANGES
 
When you're usually the one who concedes;
Goes along just to keep the peace
It's a little startling when you say, "No".
When the expectation's that you'll fold
Stay silent, and do as you are told
Choosing your own way 
Might jump start World War III

When you've taught them how to treat you
And you've schooled them very well
Your "aha's" and epiphanies might be too hard to sell
When its always been their way
And your opinions never count
And you've never once pushed back
Be prepared for the fallout
When you decide to do
What they do all the time--
Regard their needs,
Assert their rights, 
And speak their minds

You'll be a force the day you learn
That Respect is a prize that's earned
Whether they like, or love you's 
Neither here nor there
You have a perfect right to be
Moreover, start right now, 
You'll see
Circumstances will change 
When you change the way you think

vrw©2016

Thursday, December 1, 2016

WORLD AIDS DAY

Today is World Aids Day. 
There was a time when there was so much terror; so many questions; so much speculation, apprehension, suspicion, heartlessness, and misinformation. 
I don't know anyone who hasn't been affected by the illness or death of a loved one due to AIDS. I do know that it is still taboo in many communities. It is still looked upon a punishment from God--an Old Testament-quality plague; a punishment for immorality and disobedience. It is still something that is spoken about in whispers, or not at all. It is still finding new victims.
The fact that people are living longer is something that used to seem inconceivable. The possibility that it is an epidemic that was deliberately imposed upon humanity, is too much to bear, but then, mankind has been known to demonstrate grievous inhumanity, and justify acts of pure evil. 
I certainly hope that a cure is found, and if one already exists, that compassion, love, and integrity would prevail over greed, ignorance, and selfishness.

THURSDAY THOUGHTS: SERVICE


The cheerful waitress introduced herself to the patron. 
"Hi. I'm _____________. I'll be your server today. Here's the menu. Can I get you a beverage?"

 The patron rubbed his chin. 
"Ummm. Just water. That'll be fine. Oh, and put a lemon slice in it if you've got one", the patron replied. 

"Alright, Sir, I'll be right back."
 
The waitress returned with a basket of assorted fresh bread, and a small dish of lemon slices, and placed them on the table. 
"What is that? I didn't ask for that! I'm not paying for that!" the patron snapped. 
The waitress was startled. "Uh. It's bread, Sir. It's on the house. Have...have you decided what you'd like?" 
The patron frowned. "No. I haven't. I don't know what I want."
 
The waitress said she would give him some time to decide, and asked if he would like an appetizer. 

"What you got? I don't know what you got in here!"

The waitress took a deep breath, and pointed to the appetizers on the menu, rattled them off, and asked if he saw something he'd like. 

"I don't know. You keep asking me, but I don't know what I want. I'm hungry. Just bring me something."

The waitress was a bit perplexed, but she remained patient, and told the patron she'd bring an appetizer she thought he'd enjoy. 

When she returned with a bowl of the soup of the day, the patron was sipping water and still scanning the menu. 

"Here you are, Sir." 

He looked at the bowl and frowned. "What is this? I didn't ask for this! This looks like somebody ate it already!" 

The patron began to address other diners. 
"Ya'll see this? Look at this! I know she doesn't expect me to eat this!" 

The waitress reached for the bowl. 
"My apologies, Sir. Everyone usually raves about the clam chowder. 

Another patron quipped, "I sure am enjoying mine, Honey!" 

The waitress picked up the bowl. 
"I'll take this away. Have you decided what you'd like yet?" 

The patron snapped, "I keep telling you I don't know!" 

The waitress walked away to serve two other patrons who'd been seated. She took their orders, and went to get their drinks. 

The patron mumbled out loud, "I don't know when I'm gonna eat something today." 

A patron at the next table felt sorry for him, and said, "We've got a lot of ribs over here. Want some?" The patron snapped back. "I don't want your food. I want my own!"
  
The manager and another server happened to walk to the waitress's station. He saw the patron sitting there, pouting. 

"Hello, Sir. My name is _________________.  
I'm the manager. Is everything satisfactory with you today?" 

The patron shook his head and began to lament, "I've been sitting here all this time, and all I've had is this little bit of bread and water. I don't know where the waitress is. She's gotta be in here somewhere! I know you all have food back there. I was wondering if I have to fix it myself. I guess I have to sit here and wait until she comes back." 

The manager became very annoyed, and purposed to confront the waitress about her behavior. 
"What's wrong with her? Is she goofing off? Is she trying to get fired? Does she want to quit? Maybe she's having a bad day" he thought. 
"I'm very sorry, Sir. I'll go and see what's taking her so long. Would you like another server?" 

The patron shook his head. 
"No. That's not necessary. I thought you were going to say you were going to serve me. Why don't you serve me? You don't seem to be doing anything right now."

The manager laughed. 
"Uh, Sir, I'm very busy and have other things to do, but I'll definitely speak to that server for you. I don't like what you've told me, and her behavior is unacceptable. Wait. Here she comes". 

The waitress wondered why the manager was scowling at her. 
"Is something wrong?", she asked. 

Just as the manager was about to reprimand her, another patron tugged on his jacket and whispered, "We've been sitting here as long as that gentleman has. I really hope you aren't about to embarrass and accuse the waitress, because the gentleman isn't exactly being truthful. She has been nothing but pleasant. She asked him repeatedly what he'd like. He told her he didn't know what he wanted, and rejected what she did bring. I don't know what he stands to gain by casting aspersions on her. He doesn't need another server. He needs another attitude."

The patron, in a huff, got up and left the restaurant. 

"Thank you" the waitress said. "I really like my job, but people like him make it so much more difficult than it has to be."

The manager apologized for misjudging her, and suggested she take the rest of the day off. 

"No. That's not necessary. I have to admit though, I'm disappointed that you were so quick to discount my track record here, and side with that patron." 

The manager hung his head. "I'm sorry. You work hard around here. I should have known better. I promise I'll be more discerning."

The waitress accepted his apology, and continued her shift. In the back of her mind, she pondered how the disparaging words of one person can damage a person's reputation, and call their integrity into question. 

Her coworker asked if she was okay. 

"No. No I'm not. Why was the manager so ready to chastise me? Why was he so quick to act on what he heard, without even considering if the information was true? If that lady--a total stranger-- hadn't defended me, where would I be right now?" 

Her coworker nodded. "It is a bit disheartening that he would just take the word of that guy, but don't let it get you down. You can only control what you do. Just keep doing a good job. Believe me, it's not going unnoticed. The sad thing is that so many fail to appreciate what they have until it's gone."