ADVICE

One rises in the morning and seeks advice. History should tell one exactly what to expect from one's friends and acquaintances, but if one is angry, frustrated, hurt, confused and bursting to share, one may deliberately make the wrong call. One wants sympathy, empathy, understanding and consent. One wants to be heard. One should think very soberly about who one should call. Calling on the Lord would be the best thing to do, but one knows what kind of response HE will give, and it won't line up with what one wants to do about one's problem--especially if one is bent on revenge or being right. God will discourage knee jerk responses that will make things worse.

One scrolls through one's contacts list. From one potential counselor, one might gain painful, but necessary and righteous wisdom and truth--and a genuine promise of confidentiality. From another counselor, one will get jokes, and lighthearted anecdotes. From yet another, one will wonder whether one called or was called. One's problems have a tendency to trigger the unresolved issues that others may have. Another person's arrogance, delusion, and laments of failed schemes and foolish missteps can hijack and derail a conversation. What's worse, after one unburdens oneself, one will remember that there is no guarantee of confidentiality, because the counselor has already proven disloyalty, inability to be discreet, and an uncanny way of making everything about himself. Confide in that counselor, and one's business will be in the streets, highways, and byways before the day is over--in varying, unrecognizable versions.

Have a problem? Calm down. Sit down. Think. Is it a mountain or a molehill? Is it even necessary to share it? Is it something that can be easily resolved by relinquishing stubbornness or procrastination? Will involving others backfire? Think. Is it really that big a deal?

One must decide if one really wants the best advice--which may mean one will be convicted, corrected, and humbled. In possession of the best advice, one may find that one's future includes reevaluating, apologizing, exercising patience, engaging in self-examination, letting go of wrongly held perceptions, rethinking plans, or forgiving others--or oneself. 

One's problem will be quashed if one heeds good advice. However, if one is merely seeking permission or consent to do or say the wrong thing, feel the wrong way, and perpetuate one's problem, one knows exactly who to call--the  busybody; the gossip; the hothead; the yes man; the instigator; the fool. 

Don't make the wrong call. Pray. God can handle it. He may even lead you to righteous people who have the answers that will make your situation better--and they may not be in your list of contacts.

KNOW YOUR WORTH: POETRY PROMPT

"Oh...Ummm... Do I have to pay you? 

Oh. Never mind, then. That's okay. Thanks anyway."

 
Now who's supposed to feel badly? You or them?

Instead of recognizing what you do as legitimate work, many people seek to acquire your particular skill for their use--and without compensating you. 

They should be ashamed. Instead, they're disappointed, confused, offended, mad, appalled, full of questions and judgment, and off to plan B.

Guess what you should do next, Mr. or Ms.:

Mechanic, 

Accountant, 

Lawyer, 

Beautician, 

Plumber, 

Tutor, 

Stylist, 

Singer, 

Contractor, 

Musician, 

Chef, 

Nurse, 

Chauffeur, 

Dancer, 

Editor, 

Consultant, 

Landscaper, 

Babysitter...? 

Whatever you were doing before you were asked to work for free--even if it was nothing at all. 

That date on your calendar, that someone thought they could fill with their priorities, is still yours. 

You can attend to your own priorities. 

You have lost nothing--not time, energy, effort, or resources--by appeasing someone who wants your skill, but devalues you.

Consumers seek and want particular service providers because they know they're competent; 

They know that certain people will make a significant contribution; add to a thing; draw others; provide excellent service; or even make them look good in the eyes of others. When there's a fee required, however, many consumers aren't as enthusiastic or complimentary about what a service provider brings to the table. 

People want to go to the concert, but only if they can get comp tickets. 

They want that new music, but only if someone else burns a copy. 

They want someone to perform at their event, and offer food as currency as if the band hadn't planned to eat that day. 

When some people find that they have to pay, they get awfully fickle and indignant. 

"Oh, he ain't all that"; 

"She's not that good. 

I can get so-and-so to do it for nothing!" 

The lament in religious circles is, "Whatever happened to ministry?", to which service providers should reply, "Whatever happened to "Thou shalt not steal" or "the workman is worthy of his wages"?  

(Some manipulators go so far as to affix a service provider's name to an event's program to shame them into showing up; they'll even advertise a service provider's participation in an attempt to guilt them into working--and deliberately neglect to compensate them.)

Consumers want service providers to come with all of the rags, polish, and elbow grease to make a thing shine, but not if it costs them anything. 

Is a service provider really supposed to be anxious, jealous, or worried when a consumer threatens to secure the services of someone else? Poor schmuck. Delusion is a beast. The person they brag about, that they can get to do it (whatever it is), for free is the person they should have phoned first.

 Maybe people don't realize it, but consent and participation cost. 

People don't consider what expenses you may have to incur in order to prepare for or take on a job. 

If you're going to leave home, why shouldn't it be worth your while? 

If you're going to work, why shouldn't you expect to be fairly compensated? 

You definitely shouldn't find that you've spent more than you're going to earn. 

Know the parameters of the job before you say, "Yes". Some things simply are not worth your while.

Some people greatly value you, and what you have to offer. Appreciate them greatly for their integrity, understanding, and respect. 

On the other hand, some people are always, always, always trying to get over; always inconsiderately disregarding your livelihood, and clearly regarding it as if it is a hobby. 

What they value is their ability to get something for nothing. Endeavor to confound clueless creatures like these from now on, but in order to do that, you have to know and believe in your worth. 

Be done with what people think; stop worrying that the phone won't ring unless you continue dealing with opportunists. 

Value yourself.

I'm a little fed up with users, and people who always expect others to pay to play. 

Wrote a little poem about it. 

Wanna hear it? 

Here it goes:

ODE TO WORKERS, CHEAPSKATES, USERS AND THIEVES

There's a time to volunteer and sow

You'll know, and you'll serve gladly

There's a time to say a direct "No"

And not feel the least bit badly

The time and effort you exert, 

Needs no explanation

You're WORKING; you're not goofing off

You're meeting expectations

Users just want what they want

"Oh, do I have to pay you?"

Do they think you live off of air

And don't need cash like they do?

Enough is certainly enough

No more guilt-ridden freebies

Want folk to work? 

Then PAY them

So that they, too, can meet their needs.

It's always folk who want theirs yesterday; 

In full; on time

Who think, among life's worthless things

Are skills like yours, and mine

They want it, sure

They just think you 

Should give it all away

And substitute some cake and punch 

For reasonable pay

Never fear, just make it clear, 

"I do not work for free"

Anyone who thinks you should, 

Is hawking slavery

You want your patio re-tiled?

Your business ledger reconciled?

Your self to get from here to there?

Your head to rock a head of hair?

Your guests to have a tasty meal?

Your face beat to match your new teal?

Your event to be graced with sound?

Your new nails to be square, not round?

Your hedges cut; your tall grass mowed?

Your selfish nature to implode?

Then, when engaging those who work

Don't be inclined to be a jerk

Always expecting others to

Do what you'd never EVER do.

What you won't do is give away

Your time or talent without pay

So why keep asking someone else

To do what you won't do yourself?

Perhaps what some demand and hoard--

And complain when they can't get it

Is stuff they really can't afford

But see the value in it 

Some people are just known for 

Seeking everything for free

They're proud to say, "Look what I got!"

What a deficiency!

But worker, don't you fall for it

Protect your livelihood

A paycheck for the work you do

Will do a lot of good

'Cause when you HAVE, then you can GIVE

They never think of that

All they want is what they want

Just to keep their pockets fat

Protect your livelihood

You teach people how to treat you

Learn how to say, "It's business"

Know the worth of what you do

Photo credit:
Laborers in the fields picking cotton. 189-. Black & white photo print, 8 x 10 in. State Archives of Florida, Florida Memory. , accessed 26 March 2016.

RESPECT THE MUSIC

I can't play a thing but the radio, but I've been spoiled rotten when it comes to musicians and singers . It's to the point that I expect every one I encounter to know what they're doing--especially if someone I trust says, "They're good". 

Case in point: I recently sang at a vow renewal ceremony. I was told a musician would be there. We shook hands across the keyboard for the first time about 30 minutes before the ceremony started. I told him "B flat, and I'll follow you". He laughed (‘cause apparently that’s not the way it goes, but it’s the way I prefer it). He played a little bit, and I said "That's fine". That was our rehearsal. It may have been a minute and a half. After the ceremony we exchanged info, realized we had mutual friends, and each hoped it wouldn't be our last time working together. He said, "If I had known who you were, I would have been nervous." (I always know what that means, and I have Richard Smallwood to thank for it.) I laughed and said, "Then, it's good you didn't know, because you were outstanding." 

He'd done his musical homework. I'd done mine. It didn't matter who either of us "were". The occasion was important. Pleasing the people who asked us to participate was important. It wasn't about us. It was about the music they wanted to hear. Apparently they knew we'd get it right. They'd had experience with each of us, and were confident that we'd perform well together. He didn't have to play long for me to know that I'd be fine. There would be no need to sing a cappella, or frantically hunt for a performance track. He's on my list of fav’s now: (I won’t name names. You know who you are, Richard, Steve, Daryl, John, Tony, Kim, Vince, Mike, Bryant, Glenn, Evelyn, PJ, Raymond, Derrick, Eric...oh there’s more...lol) 

Am I crazy for having that kind of confidence? Maybe. But when I hear, "Oh, he/she's good", from people who know what "good" is, I believe it.

There is a particular work ethic consistently exhibited by many of the musicians and singers I know. There's no arrogance, boasting, or showboating, just skill and heart, and commitment that tells me, "When others were doing other things as children, these ladies and gentlemen were practicing. They would sing or play if no one except God was listening."

There's a standard that I assumed all musicians endeavor to reach with respect to their own music, and especially with regard to the music of others. I assumed wrong. Not all musicians are as conscientious as others when it comes to another musician's babies. There's a lazy, "good enough" plateau that some aim for, that keeps them from experiencing and producing excellence. They settle for "something like that" instead of making an effort to reach "what it ought to be". 

Not all musicians can set aside their personal preferences and nurture what others have created. People who think they've already arrived don't listen, and reject the very pearls of wisdom that could make them better at what they do, and better people. Some are so enamored with whatever their own, existing skill set is, that they reject the instruction, experience, and wisdom of those who don't have to share, or impart, but unselfishly do. They forfeit the opportunity to expand their musical horizons and become limited. (A good example is found in the weird phenomena that I see in church settings. Again, I can’t play a lick, but how on Earth can a musician maneuver the intricate hills and valleys of "shout music" but can't play a hymn? But I digress....)

Everyone studies someone. The chance to meet and work with pioneers of Music are rare. When, by some happy musical miracle, that someone is in your midst--right in front of you--in the flesh, it may be a good idea to glean as much as you can, as opposed to trying to show them how much you know. If you're going to show them anything, it's that you bothered to study, learn, and nail their music as if your life depended on it. If they've made significant contributions on a legendary scale, you might want to act like you acknowledge that, too. It makes a difference. I've seen it. I've seen great artists smile, relax, give hugs all around, and be grateful and thankful that they don't have to worry one bit about the band. They are assured that the band is of the opinion that the execution of the music is important--even if, after the show, they never play the songs again. 

I've seen skilled singers and musicians humbly and excellently supporting equally skilled individuals, because they believe: 

1.There is always more to learn.

2. In a cohesive team, everyone shines.
3. Good followers make good leaders.
4. They don't always have to be out front.
5. It's an honor to get the call to support artists you've admired, or of whom you've been a longtime fan.

The opportunities are vast that one can be afforded simply by being prepared, teachable, consistent, cooperative, and having a pleasant attitude. No. Not every opportunity is a good one. Sometimes, you DO wish you'd never met certain people. You DO wish you'd never experienced them in person. You just hope they're having a rare bad day, and you look forward to the last note so you can go home. 

It's unfortunate, but bizarre behavior, a puffed up demeanor, or harsh, unnecessary words infiltrate and DO impact the way you enjoy (or used to enjoy) the music someone has made. 

If you got the call to support a singer or musician, that's great--especially if you've been singing or playing along with their recordings, and never dreamed you'd ever meet them (let alone be on stage with them). After the private geekfest, though, get into work mode. Respect the individuals enough to learn the music--not just notes--but the soul of it. My Mom always said, “Take care of what belongs to someone else as if it’s yours.”

Know who you’re working with. Google is your friend. We don’t have to go all the way to the library or sift through encyclopedias. Learn. Forget selfies, Instagram, food and drink. It's not enough to just BE on the gig, at the rehearsals, and engagement schmoozing, styling, and profiling, and calling your friends to tell them where you are. The audience doesn't care about ANY of that. They WILL care, however, if the music sucks. A lot of people apparently think so, based on what's produced, but people don't look at music, they LISTEN to it.

Your new black outfit, shoes, hairdo, or cut make no sound at all. ZERO. Sometimes, the emphasis we put on superficial things makes you wonder if the outfits performers wear are gonna break out in 4-part harmony. By all means, look good, BE happy, do you, communicate with all of the musical terminology you know, and go on wit’ cho bad self sussin’ and bussin’, bendin’ and suspendin’, but LEARN THE MUSIC.

God knows I wish I hadn’t relegated my clarinet to it’s case years ago. I WISH I had learned how to play the piano in our home instead of just dusting it. Being articulate and a wiz at the terminology is fantastic--enviable even--but can you keep time? Can you remember lyrics? Can you hod your note? Can you let the soundman do his or her job? 

Perfect the music so you can have no shame or guilt about adding an artist's name to your resume. Pay attention to the music. For Pete's sake, get the music right. THAT'S the principal thing.

THOUGHTS

Just thinking:

1. Be careful how you treat and speak to people.

2. Sometimes it IS them. Sometimes, it's you.

3. "No" is a time saver.

4. When you know people are just trying to get over, call them on it. No sense dragging that madness out.

5. Examine your motives, that way, when the appreciation doesn't come, you'll be cool with it, and continue your pattern of faithfulness and efficiency.

6. Never assume someone is a punk. There's nothing funnier than seeing a bully back waaaaaay down.

7. People who are forever looking over their shoulders to see if you're in the race or on the sidelines, are not enjoying their run AT ALL.

8. A new attitude doesn't take long to form.

9. The truth hurts those who lie, are in denial, and are shocked that you are well acquainted with it.

10. Don't ever shrink to appease an insecure person.

11. Pity parties abruptly end when people stop attending.

12. No one feels sorry for someone who has countless reasons to be grateful, refuses to acknowledge them, but chooses to be sour and grumble, instead.

13. Nurture the things that give you life. Never abandon what you love.

14. This morning there was snow on the ground and trees. This afternoon, the Sun was shining. Things can change in an instant. Don't fret. 

15. A person whose bite is gone might want to lose their bark. It's pitiful and not the least bit frightening.

16. A miserable person only appears to have power. Don't surrender yours. Stay alert.

17. Kindness is everywhere, in spite of the news. Be grateful for it. 

18. Rediscovering old music will make you happy, and remind you how powerful your memory is.

19. Just because someone is frustrated and angry, you don't have to be. Pick your battles. Put down those crosses.

20. God hasn't run out of blessings or gifts, and he's really great at the personalized ones.