'Be anxious for nothing..." ~Philippians 4:6

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: TRAVELS


I thought about Winnie's beautiful ceramic piece today, and I thought about all of them--my teachers. That well traveled, extremely talented, wise, wonderful and encouraging group of people, none of whom, I will ever forget. Some of them are no longer with us. I wish I could tell Malkia and Jeff and Ed. It was something they always said, "Go to Africa". I've always wanted to go, and now, 30 years after graduating from the Howard University's College of Fine Arts, I am. 
I always marvel at how two of the things I love--Art and Music-- occasionally meet in my life. There's certainly plenty of Art to see, and I'm looking forward to joining friends and singing for the Fifth Annual Sufi and Chanting Festival, being sponsored by the Ministry of Culture of Egypt. 
Funny, though. Winnie was right. When you say "Egypt", some people immediately think "middle east". I've always wondered about that designation. Middle of what? East of where? Look at a map or globe and there it is, smack dab in the north easternmost portion of the African continent. It's kind of hard to miss. Oh well...It's there, and I'm going and awfully grateful for the opportunity to sing with people from all over the globe. I just love the barrier breaker that is Music.
I should probably be packing....: )

WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

Sometimes people get offended because light is shed on their oblivion, laziness, or irresponsibility. By daring to say what should have been said, or doing what should have already been done, you may be walking on shaky ground.

Whether it's an unbelievably unruly kid, an error, a misunderstanding, or a lingering mess that is threatening to morph into some kind of science project, it's amazing when people don't notice certain things until someone else addresses them. Unfortunately, by the time some people speak up, they're fed up, furious, and void of semblances of tact. 

Timing is everything, but the trick is in figuring out just how long you're supposed to wait before you've had enough of one thing or another. You've got to know that some people don't mind if things fall apart. They don't mind mess, confusion, disarray, filth, strife, or disorganization. The other trick is recognizing that your tolerance for certain things may not be as long lasting as that of someone else. What's a problem to you, may not be a problem to them. What's pressing to you, may be something for which they can stand. Your mountain can be another person's molehill. When you consider these things, it removes the urge to complain or judge, and replaces it with quiet or frustrated action. 

If they're not doing it (whatever IT is) for whatever reason, YOU do it--even if you don't think it's not your job, or that you should have to do it.
Face it. You don't really HAVE to do anything. You can fake unawareness, too, if you want. Unfortunately, failing to act may imply that you are equally as uncaring, trifling or careless as the person who isn't bothered by what's going on around them that screams for their attention.

People may get angry when things are pointed out, but if they're not saying it, you say it. It may snap them out of whatever daze they're in that keeps them from being attentive and proactive. It may even prompt them to ask you why the issue is so important to you. That will give you the chance to point out a few (or many) things, and the reasons why it's a big deal. Be prepared if they simply don't care, but don't add to your stress by holding things in. Keep your blood pressure at a normal rate. No sense in boiling over things you can't do anything about.Just make sure your stuff isn't raggedy.

If you're not going to address certain things for fear of offending someone, losing/damaging a friendship/relationship, or starting an argument, be prepared to roll up your sleeves. If you think the relationship is strong enough to withstand your words, say something. Even when people don't exactly like what's being said, you can bet they won't forget it. On the other hand, don't be surprised if they have figured you out, and have you running on a "fed up meter". They know you will cave way before they do, and may be laughing that, once again, their inaction got YOU to do THEIR work. 
Maybe they're not lazy after all. 
Hmmm. 
Maybe they're just smart.

WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: NEW KID ON THE BLOCK

Ever wonder why you got the last minute call?

Before one preens and begins speculating, or celebrating one's abilities, importance, or position, one should know, in detail, the circumstances that facilitated one's presence. 

It may be beneficial to know who was in the running. Who preceded you on the job? 
Why are they no longer there? 
(Remember, you can't make an informed or intelligent assessment without knowing and considering all sides of an issue).

Competent people don't just disappear for nothing. There's a reason why people respectfully decline what others consider great opportunities, and it's not always because they're too busy or incapacitated. Perhaps experience has taught them lessons they have no intention to revisit.

Business is often messy. 
One should consider that being asked doesn't always indicate a preference for one's skills set. 
Favor isn’t fair, but every opportunity presented does not constitute favor. 
It may be that others have been sought, but have refused to endure known dysfunction, weak leadership, poor, inconsistent, or dishonest business practices, abuse, unrealistic expectations, or untenable working conditions.

Don’t become what you wouldn’t tolerate. 
Know what you're getting into. 
Keep your eyes and ears open. 
Remember you always have a choice.

Sometimes, by their own words and behavior, managers, supervisors, or employers forfeit, repel, and exhaust other willing, faithful, capable, and available workers, and have no choice than to enlist the aid of clueless, mediocre, gullible, desperate, overly ambitious individuals--or like-minded opportunists. 
It's never good to find you're on board because numerous others have said an emphatic, "No".

On any job, do your part, do your very best, (and by all means, get that coin), but be very aware when you have been invited to be pawn in a scheme to hurt, humiliate, insult, ostracize, demean, embarrass, show up, antagonize, or lure someone else. 

The adage is true: If they'll do it to them, they'll do it to you. 
Don't ever get cozy or comfortable around ruthless people. 
Never blur the line between friendship and business, and know the parameters of the job. 
Be clear about what you will, and won't do. 
Have expectations. 
Maintain your standards. 
If they have their business hats on, then doggone it, you keep yours on, too.

Perhaps one monkey doesn't stop a show, but if you're the new monkey enlisted to keep the show going, don't get cocky and begin debasing your predecessors just to fit in. 
One day, you may find yourself comparing notes with the monkeys who got kicked to the curb.

SOAR

Sometimes we need to revisit the mental notes we made as children and young adults. Some of the things we swore we would never do, or would stop doing when we "got on our own", should be put back on the list. Good home training, complete with positive standards, and is something for which to be grateful, not despised or abandoned.
Never allow anyone to sabotage the beauty you are trying to achieve, the progress you are trying to make, or the goals you are trying to reach. People may infer that you think you're better than them or others. Let them talk and hopefully work out their own insecurities. Let them mull over their own unwise choices. Don't let them make you think you have to wallow with them, abandon your ideals, or adopt their ways. If it is possible to do and be better, then go on with your blessed self, and let people who have confused "keeping it real" with "keeping it trifling" go on thinking they're hurting others by devaluing themselves

There's nothing like seeing someone rise from complacency and oblivion, and deciding that they DO want more; they DO want better, and living beneath that which they know they are worth, in conditions they know in their hearts are unacceptable, are no longer options.

Some people don't want to see you do better. Maybe it shines a light on their shortcomings, and forces them to take a good look at themselves and the condition of their own lives. Don't let that stop you from being and doing your best.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

ELDERS

















It was good to see them together. Brothers-in-law. The two eldest men in my family. My Dad and my late mother's only surviving sibling. Louisiana men. Veterans. Fathers. Grandfathers. Great-grandfathers. Hard-working, principled, God-fearing, witty, honest, responsible men.
Fascinated by the technology of my phone, my uncle showed me on a map application how, if you stayed on the River Road, you could travel all the way from New Orleans to Plaquemine. They knew every little town on the way, and were calling them out in unison. They'd been there and had stories. "Don't lose that blue now. Stay on the river. Stay by the water..." 

For both of them, Louisiana is home and they are walking civil rights, military, ancestral, economic, political, religious, and social history.























They talked about Clark Gable and Yvonne DiCarlo coming to Addis to film "Band of Angels". They talked about God, and politics and children, random body aches, fishing, food, and their friends and relatives long gone. They enjoyed homemade sweet potato pie while talking about how grateful they were to even still be here.
It was nice to just be in the room with them, and experience the wisdom, laughter, and love.

My aunt and uncle left for home this evening.
I'm so glad we all had a day to just sit and enjoy each other's company. The older everyone gets, the rarer those days are. 

I'm glad a caught a little of their conversation. Click on the top photograph to listen.




PRESERVE YOUR PEACE



























I don't like to argue. 
I don't like confrontation. 
I detest confusion. 
I loathe bullies. 
I don't respond well to pressure, threats, ultimatums, or manipulation. 
I learned that a long, long time ago. 

Safety and Care are my dear friends. 

Peace and Harmony are two of the most wonderful things in the world, I think, and should be sought as diligently as gold.

I try to live a relatively calm existence at home. 
When I come out to play, I'm not looking for a fight--ever. I try to be pleasant and cooperative. It's the way I was raised. Being a bother wasn't allowed. My Mom always said, "Be a lady". That generally meant:
don't embarrass myself
don't bring unnecessary attention to myself
don't cause trouble
don't make waves, scenes or any other aggravating moves. 
Be nice. 
Be kind. 
Be respectful. 
Be helpful. 
Avoid trouble.

I have the funny feeling that the "Be a lady" criteria I was compelled to follow translated that I am somehow a pushover who is completely incapable of pushing back. Mom's "Be a lady" lesson was taught in South East, DC, by the way. All that means is:
1. South East has often gotten a bad rap.
2. Just because one doesn't choose to use certain words (and all of their colorful combinations) to repel and defeat the antagonistic, doesn't mean one doesn't know them.

Yes. Sometimes you have to tell people to back off, and there's just no polite, ladylike way to do it. But what's the limit? How far is too far? Yeah, you're "supposed to be a Christian" as some people are so quick to remind you after they've behaved badly, but sometimes situations call for you to channel your inner turning-over-tables-in-the-temple, Jesus. What would Jesus do? He'd represent well, tell the truth, and not bring shame to the family--but be a wuss? Never.

I was reminded of a lady who told me she uses blessed anointing oil as a weapon. She sensed my non-confrontational sheepishness one day and asked, "Do you have any oil, Baby?" "Yes", I told her. "Well, do you use it? Look, people know not to mess with me. When they see me going in my pocket book, they know they're going to have to put all of their clothes in the cleaners..."
I really didn't know how to respond to that other than laugh, but she was serious. I did have a visual, however, of her splashing blessed olive oil all over some offender’s Sunday best, and watching them melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West...

I just don't want to go through life in defensive mode, forever on the lookout for impending offenses. Been there. Not my kind of city.
Becoming reclusive because of what might be lurking outside isn't an appealing thought, neither is going along with stuff just to keep the peace, or to appease demanding, bratty types. 
There's got to be a balance. There has to be something between retreating to a hole and hibernating, and wiling out. 

I simply do not like arguments--even if I'm not in them. Flight is a convenient response. I know now that walking away, or falling silent are in fact responses--and they're not often received well. As a matter of fact, for some people, they're more incendiary than punching them in the face after calling them a sick, twisted spawn of Satan. Unpleasant or not, sometimes you just have to engage, if for no other reason than to free, and identify yourself.

Some people tend to want your consent. Others want to control you. Still others seek to change you. Then there are the rather scary ones who think they own you. How about those who think you should be forever indebted to them? I can't leave out those who expect you to be at their beck and call as if you're super-glued to your computer or phone, and on their payroll. 
You'll know exactly who in your life falls into which category the first time you say "No." and mean it. That one tiny word separates the understanding friends from the freakishly controlling acquaintances and strangers. 

Orders, demands, drama, stress, power plays, arrogance, tantrums, threats--stuff like that just plain make my eyelashes hurt, especially when they show up all willy nilly where they don't need to be. (Want me to transform into an unresponsive, oblivious lump of total disinterest? Try to turn what I love to do into a chore by being unreasonable, unkind, and adding a lot of useless, unnecessary, time consuming requirements.)
  
Sometimes, people want you to respond to their mania with fear and trembling. When you don't, they don't understand. You're accused of being aloof, or not serious enough. Fact is, some things just don't deserve that much attention or encouragement.

Contentious situations and difficult people tended to suck the life out of me. I had to acknowledge, though, that I allowed it. Difficult People 101. It's the one lesson in God's summer school that I've had to keep retaking. 
In the past, I have opted to leave a situation altogether before I wasted energy or time tangled with someone who seemed to be itching for trouble. There's a price to pay for non-compliance. Sometimes it's flat out punishment. You're punished for engaging, and you're punished for retreating. 

There will always be someone who thinks they have something you certainly want so badly that you're willing to put up with anything to get, and or keep it. You quietly say, "Not so". You don't want anything that badly, and that of course, really ticks folks off. Who do you think you are? When people dangle their wonderful carrots in front of you, and you're not in orange vegetable mode, woe be unto you, or better yet, what's wrong with you?

You can't win. 
Oh well. 

I learned there's such a thing as "good stress", but bad stress is not an option.
Maybe it's unrealistic to want peace all of the time, but I can hope, can't I? 
Maybe the most exasperating question of all was asked by the late Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?" I wish the answer could be an enthusiastic "Yes!", but that would mean that someone would expect you to abandon yourself and become just like them so they'll be happy.

Someone is always starting something. Why? And why is it always with those who least want to engage? It's the devil, I tell ya. 
My very wise daughter said, "People don't know what buttons to push, but the enemy does." 
The mistake many make is picking on someone who they think can't, or won't finish a thing. Many have learned the hard way what the embarrassing consequences are of picking on people who don't make a habit of picking on anyone. It's what people think of themselves that gives them the idea that it's okay to be a jerk toward others. 
It's true. We really do teach others how to treat us, and when they learn the lesson well, and behave less than respectfully, friendly, fairly, graciously, honestly or considerably, I suppose we can't be mad, can we? We taught them.

I was watching 'Love Actually" and was struck by the lines Hugh Grant spoke in his role as Prime Minister:  "I love that word "relationship". It covers all manner of sins, doesn't it?...A friend who bullies us is no longer a friend, and since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward, I will be prepared to be much stronger..." 
I said "Wow" out loud, and replayed that portion of the DVD like it was a sermon.

Perhaps it's time for new lessons— for others and ourselves. Not out of any vindictive spirit, but just because it's time. 
Lessons in establishing boundaries; making choices; asking for what we want; saying what we mean; speaking up; being fearless; being firm; recognizing priorities; examining relationships; saying "no" and meaning it, just may be the order of the day.
Maybe it's also time to stop running, stop retreating, stop caving, stop abandoning our own wants and wishes, and re-introduce our stronger, balanced selves to ourselves.

It may be shocking, but some people hate you, your family, your friends, your peace, and the unity and contentment it all represents--and they have for a LONG time. Perhaps from your childhood to this day, the only memories you have of them is the confusion they were forever causing. Even if you've kept your distance,  or somehow managed to ignore them, they're always attempting to infiltrate your life by way of someone close to you.
They’re itching to engage.

If these imps thought they could BE you, they sure would try! They seek to be a part of your life, and they do it by being intrusive, nosy, obnoxious, divisive, shady and dishonest. Their aim is to cause conflict, mistrust, and drive wedges between you and your parents, siblings, extended family, friends, and coworkers. It's usually because of some lack in their own lives. Their aim is to prove that they're somehow closer to your loved ones than you are! Now, just where do they get their perceived power and the authority to use it? Unfortunately, it may come from those closest to you, who trust the very snakes-in-the-grass they should be stepping on. 
 If you let people negatively impact your family, talk about your family, or foolishly contribute to the tearing down of those closest to you may want to have your head examined.  Grandmothers are right, and said it NICELY: "You never know who's going to have to give you your last drink of water". Others said it a little tighter, but it, TOO, is right: "You never know who's going to have to wipe your behind."
It would behoove us all to treat everybody right, mind our own business and the affairs of our OWN households, speak only what we KNOW to be true, refrain from gossip, get to know people for ourselves, and never, EVER take anyone's kindness, niceness, or quietness for weakness. No sense in one getting one's feelings hurt.

A friend told me of the shock of being in the home of a family member who apparently didn't know their home phone was in speaker mode. The person on the other end of the line made some rather disparaging comments and she heard them. That didn't hurt nearly as much as her family member's failure to stop it. Just why would the person on the other end of the line feel so free to speak? Why didn't her family member set the person straight? Perhaps, it's hard to admonish someone when you engage in the same behavior as they do.

Some people only know what they're told. They only "know" you based on the characterization others have given about you. If they never bother to get to know you for themselves, it can be unnerving when you finally meet them. Depending on who's doing the telling, they either consider the information accurate or unfounded. It's hard to chastise or correct someone about what they say, or how they feel, when the person responsible for their opinions and outlook is someone they consider reliable.

Gossip and lies have successfully separated even the closest of individuals. The people you think would defend you and be in your corner aren't always on the job. They'd rather run you down and cause others to think less of you. Why?
A very simple truth should always apply: "If they'll talk about them to YOU, they'll talk about you to THEM." 
What a fun time it is, however, when everyone--the talkers and the talk-ees, are assembled in the same room! No one expects you to be bold enough to facilitate THAT.
Some folk really don't know when to quit, so they keep pushing (and running their mouths) until they're told what they really DON'T want to know--the truth. It's awful to find out you've been mad at the wrong person, and the real culprit is someone to whom you thought you were close.

Some people simply won't strike back, though. They assess situations for what they are, and are confident in the truth's ability to win. When people have purposed to keep things to themselves, because they would NEVER think of hurting others-- in spite of how others have hurt them--sometimes it's best to leave them alone. It's a mistake to think they're weak. Some folk have been waiting to tell others off. They've been rehearsing it. They are itching to tell others just what the real deal is, but they choose not to. The personal satisfaction of revenge simply isn't worth it. They know others wouldn't be able to handle the information-- nice, juicy tidbits of embarrassing, or incriminating information-- that others aren't aware that they have. If they did, they'd surely back off and leave other people alone.

Never regard gossip as anything more than it is. Don't dignify it. It's not pertinent, scintillating conversation. It's not life-giving or life-saving information. It's destructive and the rifts and damage it causes in families, among friends and organizations is often irreparable. Don't delude yourself into thinking that a strife-loving gossip knows ANYTHING about tact, loyalty, and discretion. Note those people who are always asking way too many personal questions about the people you know. Watch out for those who are quick at dropping the information they've gained from others the second they encounter you--as if they know you. Some people have a way of immediately putting you on the defensive and causing you to engage in serious damage control! You wonder, "Where the heck are they getting their information, and why are they so consumed with the goings on in my life anyway?" It's that familiar spirit. It's that imp that infuses itself into everything; thinks everyone's business is its business. It's a slick demon, but not very smart, because it doesn't know when to shut up or what to say. It usually digs a hole for its sneaky self--not knowing how to emerge from it--except to continue to lie and ingratiate itself where it is neither welcome nor accepted. It labors under the misapprehension that your friends or family members are theirs.

If you take the time to figure it out, confusion can usually be traced back to one person whose mouth can double as a fountain. Find the common denominator in a "He said, She said" situation, and a lot will be explained. Too many people are upset with others for the wrong reasons. Too many go around throwing shade at others who don't deserve it. Too many spread rumors and untruths about others to cover themselves. Too many problems remain and gain momentum for years because of the words and actions of an evil, selfish, mutual acquaintance.

Confrontation is never comfortable, but some things need to be quashed. The most effective way to get at the root cause of the confusion that people start is to confront them. Watch what happens when you bring everyone together. Watch what happens when the person who said it and the person they said it to are in the same space. They'll hem, and haw, and lie, and get loud, and stutter, and sweat, and swear, and squirm, and get angry, and get awfully defensive, and flat-out tell on themselves with every word and gesture. Hopefully, the shock of being exposed will cause them to think long and hard before they run their mouths and drive wedges between people again. That, of course is the desired outcome.

If there is peace, and harmony nowhere else on Earth, it should reside in, and be cultivated in your home and among your friends and loved ones. Fight to maintain it. Set boundaries. Confront when necessary.

Monday, July 23, 2012

MONDAY THOUGHTS: HINDSIGHT


Who's causing the problem, and who’s being impacted by it, has a lot to do with whether the problem will be adequately, or promptly addressed, and rightly identified. 

One person's criminal activity, is another person's silly prank or sickness. 
One person's sin, is another person's mild indiscretion, or harmless habit. 
One person's terrorist is another person's troubled, misunderstood soul. 
One person’s bully, is another person’s hero.

Sometimes there's a problem that, it seems, everyone knows about. 
To some, it's no big deal; it's not that bad. 
To others, it's a danger, or a horrible nuisance. 

Something has to be done. It's been complained about, documented, investigated, and brought to the attention of those persons/ agencies designated to handle it, but it persists, is suddenly acceptable, deemed harmless, is swept under the rug, is allowed to stink and grow, or is forgotten altogether. 

People affected by it, are often left powerless to do anything about it because their hands are legally, or actually tied. 
If they, out of frustration, untie their hands, take up the matter, and find an actual solution, there's the possibility of being in more trouble, and dealt with more swiftly than the person or entity that caused the problem in the first place. 

 "If you see something, say something" only works if, after you say something, SOMEONE, will care and take you seriously. It only works if SOMEONE, who has the authority and wherewithal, will immediately DO something about what you saw, and make sure you never see it again. 

People have rights. We hear that all the time, but what about the responsibilities and consideration for others that go along with them? Too often we wait until something tragic occurs to recognize that a lot of balls have been dropped--or were never in play at all. We only THOUGHT they were in the air. 

There's always enough blame to go around when something awful happens, but who is actually accountable? 
While one disaffected, yet sympathetic group is shaking their heads in disbelief, another disgusted, exhausted, oppressed, mourning group is saying, "See? We told you, but no one would listen. We knew this was gonna happen. Why do you seek my help now? Why is it suddenly an emergency? Why is it unacceptable now? Why should everyone speak up about it? Is it because, this time, it’s happening to you?”

MONDAY THOUGHTS: EATS

I woke up wanting pancakes for breakfast. There was milk, butter, shortening, organic flour, sugar, baking powder, syrup, but not a single egg with which to bind it all. 

I have no idea what made me pick up the bottle of mayonnaise. I've never done it before, but I substituted the mayo for the missing egg. Surely it would work, right? 

They looked fine--like they'd be quite tasty, actually. Let's just say I ate the pancakes. 

They weren't what I'd had a taste for, but they were edible. 
I think it's safe to say I won't be doing that again. 

When you're hungry and too lazy to go out, it's amazing what you'll come up with. 
It was going to be a stone soup kind of day. You know—the fable about the hungry traveler who challenged an old woman to look deeper into her cupboards and find that she really did have food. It may not have been what she wanted, but what she had definitely made a meal. 
In the spirit of hunting around for what I already had, and not succumbing to making a call to Domino's, my lunch consisted of homemade sweet potato chips. 

A trip to the grocery store is in order, but later in the day, my daughter phoned. "Want to go to the Harbor?" Of course I did. I'd been potting plants, and needed a break from scooping dirt, and I was hungry. 

McCormick and Schmicks at National Harbor didn't disappoint. Customer service means a lot to me, and Chris, our server was very knowledgeable efficient, and polite--and my food was good. 
 Dinner definitely made up for breakfast and lunch. 
 We stopped by Dad's, and he was busy making sweet potatoes. What a coincidence. As always, he offered us something to eat. Accepting anything would have been utterly greedy. I kind of wish I'd taken him up on the watermelon offer though. That would have made a nice breakfast for tomorrow...

We did stop by the store though, and I totally forgot the eggs...: )

Saturday, July 21, 2012

OLD AND NEW: GOAL SETTING

It's funny when the attractive, new-and-improved thing (that was established in protest of the old, existing thing's ways, means, rules, restrictions and personnel), almost IMMEDIATELY begins to look, sound, smell and operate EXACTLY like the old, existing thing. 

One must investigate what one is getting into. Look deeply. When the new thing takes all of its cues from the old thing, it's not new-- or better. Sometimes, the launching of new entities and organizations is not motivated by a desire to offer assistance, right wrongs, establish ethics, promote high standards, or inspire fair practices. Sometimes, the originators of the new thing are only motivated by their desire to feather their own caps, be in charge, garner praise, and fill their own pockets by way of the hopes and dreams, and ambitions of unsuspecting, gullible others. 

Don't let people fool you into thinking they know more about a thing than you do. Help should never leave you at a disadvantage. You don't have to pay to play. Don't let your impatience cause you to align yourself with crooks or users. Definitely don't let people hogtie your relationship with God (or the gifts and talents he has given you), to their get- rich-quick schemes, and thereby keep you dependent, unreasonably grateful, and chasing illegitimate, unrecognized rewards. 

Information is abundant. Knowing where, and how to find it, and who is highly qualified to give it, in order to achieve one's personal/ professional goals, is critical. Truth makes one free. Knowing it is beyond valuable. Read, AND comprehend. Ask for, and utilize wisdom. 
Find out for yourself.

INFORMATION SHARING

There are things that people think you "need to know", about others, and their timing, motives, and remarkable attention to details are EXTREMELY suspect. "Did you hear...I just thought you'd want to know." REALLY? Why? You haven't seen them in YEARS, and even when you DID see them, they didn't have much to say to you, but they called around and got your number because they thought you'd be delighted to hear about the messy drama that's been going on. REALLY? What the heck for? Sometimes, you just have to say as politely, and emphatically as you can, "Shut up. Please, just stop talking. Now. Right now. The only person you are demeaning and exposing is yourself. Perhaps you should consider repenting. Now". Gossiping is not a public service. There's no way to dress it up and call it "Information Sharing". It is what it is, and it isn't pretty. How is it that people can be so fired up, and practically hunt you down to tell you intimate, scandalous, unpleasant tales about the lives of others, and not realize that the first and ONLY question burning in YOUR mind is, "How do YOU know?". What is this tendency to stir up strife, complain, point fingers, and make judgments while CONTINUING to REGULARLY frequent and benefit from the places, and associate with/ use the people with which one is supposedly so disgusted and unfriendly? It's raining. If THAT'S not going to be allowed to dampen your day, DEFINITELY don't allow a gossip to do it. Decide that ANY time of day is simply too early for foolishness. Some things you just have to nip in the bud--immediately.

Friday, July 20, 2012

FORWARD, MARCH

It's funny how people will seek you out to compare notes, as if your reason for having done a thing MUST be the same as theirs. 
What makes people think you'll jump at the chance to join them in a bashing fest? "Did you hear...?" "Did you know...?" "Do you remember...?" It's fascinating how people suddenly want to fill you in on what's been going on, as if you are going to get some kind of sick pleasure or vindication out of the suffering, troubles, misfortunes, bad decisions, and missteps of others. Sometimes you have to disappoint people and cut their planned conversation short. What they think you want to know is the last thing on your mind. What they think you will appreciate is of no consequence. What they think you will celebrate does little more than make you shake your head. The appropriate time to complain about inappropriate situations is when they're happening--and you KNOW about them and the impact they're having. The time to speak up for righteousness, and expose wrongdoing is BEFORE getting kicked to the curb by the SAME people who you silently stood by and watched mistreat others. The time to stand up for Truth is BEFORE being forced to break ties with the people whose inappropriate behavior you used to conveniently ignore, make excuses for, staunchly support, or condone. It's difficult to speak up, however when your position, livelihood, present of future perks depend upon you keeping your mouth shut, or looking the other way. Sometimes the only thing you can glean from people in the present, is that your discernment is in tact and the decision you made in the past was the right one. Although they may need help/support in getting over a thing, YOU aren't the one to help them. It may be therapeutic for them to talk things out, but your ears aren't the ones the hear it. Being sympathetic or empathetic is one thing. Allowing people to drag you backward is another. Forward, march.

Monday, July 16, 2012

EMPLOYEES, VOLUNTEERS, AND THE GULLIBLE

People who are compensated for the work they do are called employees. Don't tick them off. 
They are not those with whom one can trifle. 
They don't respond well to drama that's not specifically outlined in their job descriptions. 
They know their rights and responsibilities. 
They definitely know what specific day they should see a significant increase in the amount of their bank accounts. 
They also keep close track on the glorious days on which they will be missing in action--but still drawing a paycheck.

People who seek out, and do work out of love, kindness, and with no expectation of being compensated, are called volunteers. Don't tick them off, either. 
It's never wise to mishandle a volunteer army or try to treat them as if they are employees. 
Remember, they don't have to be there, and, should unnecessary drama ensue, they can decide to be missing in action at any time.

People who work and are not compensated, yet they consistently pay out of their own pockets and resources for the opportunity to work, are either slaves, or the most gullible suckers on Earth. Their labor is regularly, and sternly demanded in order to sustain an individual or organization. 
No matter how good a job they do, there is never any benefit to them or their lives. 
They are always being threatened about being replaced and drama is a daily part of the job. 
People feel empowered to treat them any old kind of way because they have not come to the realization that something is very, very, VERY wrong with their picture. 

You've got to know which of the three you are, or are going to be, and you should know AHEAD of time. 
You have to be clear about it.

It's funny how situations are carried out by the book, managed according to strict standards, full of demands, expectations, warnings and ultimatums when it comes to the task you are assigned. Everything is treated as if it's critical. Folk darn near worry you to death expressing the importance of a thing; what you MUST do, where you MUST be, at what time and place--or else. 
Then the subject of money/ compensation comes up, and the unbelievable stickiness of the subject, and the suddenness of the change in demeanor concerning the work can be downright sickening. 
Suddenly, professionalism falls apart, and what was so rigid before, becomes cloudy, condescending, syrupy and slick.

If one is business-like in all other aspects of a thing, one knows exactly what the going rate is for what one wants done. 
Better still, one should seriously ask oneself what one would settle for if the tables were turned. 
One really should stop being surprised and agitated when people fully expect to be fairly compensated for the work they're asked to do. 

Hearing the words, 'sacrifice", "ministry", "support" coming out of your mouth shouldn't make others want to throw up.
Be consistent. One simply cannot lapse in and out of business mode when it's convenient, and expect to be taken seriously, responded to promptly, or respected. 
One can't expect people to continue to believe the lie that every other expense, frivolous or otherwise, can be covered except compensating the people who do the work.

One cannot consistently test the strength of one's friendships on the backs of their friends' livelihoods, wallets and purses. 
There are those who are confident that they can enlist the services of others at a moment's notice. They think they have command of others, but the truth is that it doesn't take people long to learn when, and with whom they need to switch into 'heartily as unto the Lord" mode.

Too many people, who are well able, are professional at keeping all of the marbles for themselves. 
They're great at wanting, and expecting something significant of others, but have no desire or intention to adequately reward them. 
Too many have perfected the sly art of convincing others that their time, effort, talent and energy is worthless--except to the extent that it profits/ promotes everyone and everything else except themselves.

There's a prevailing attitude that you should just understand. You should be glad to be in the number, (especially when so many others would kill for the opportunity). 
You should blindly sing, dance, pick, spin and weave the cotton, do what you're told, jump on cue, and not have any expectations, questions or concerns. 

Sometimes you have to weigh a situation, examine it's track record. You need to see whether some things have been beneficial, liabilities, or uneven, burdensome loads. 
When it comes to some things and people, you have to become professional at saying, "No", and not regret it at all.

Never be so hard pressed to do or participate in ANYTHING, that you lower your own standards, waste valuable time, or neglect your own interests and priorities.

I sincerely believe that God will direct you where to sow. It will be in a place where your seed is valued, not wasted, disregarded or misused, and you, too, will benefit.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

FAITH

 FAITH 
Stand firm in your faith hour by hour, by hour
Don't rest on man's wisdom, but on God's holy power
The righteous shall live by faith day and night
We live by our faith and not by our sight

Let God have your worries, troubles and cares
Believing He's watching everything concerning you
Don't fret about anything; In faith pray for everything
God promised He'll never leave nor forsake you

His kindness won't leave you
No promises broken
His peace is just perfect
His mercy is, too
He's willing to aid you
He's done it for me
If you want to please Him,
Faith is the key

Be anxious for nothing
Don't be afraid
Just wait and see what the Lord has to say
The Author and Finisher surely will answer
Oh, just be patient Have faith when you pray

You can say to the mountain, "Be thou removed".
You can say to the mountain, "Be cast in the sea".
The measure of faith that God gave you--USE it!
Then watch God deliver Have faith and believe

He's our Redeemer
Trust Him completely
He is a God who simply cannot lie
He will direct you
Pray without ceasing
Help's on the way
Just have faith when you pray.

VRW 2012

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

THINKING OF YOU

It's nice to be thought of. It's nice to be considered, referred, or recommended, especially when you consider the people that others know. Your name need never come up in conversation, but when and if it does, there's something humbling about it. The down side is when your name comes up only in those times when:
1. People are seeking something for nothing.
2. The budget miraculously doesn't include your part of the work.
3. Everyone else has been exhausted.
4. Someone is seeking to earn points at your expense.



Never strain your friendships by disrespecting, devaluing, or prematurely promising the labor of your friends. What your friends do to maintain a living is not your hobby to be used or farmed out whenever you please. They may very well do "it" for you, whatever "it" is, but don't make a habit out of using people to remain in the good graces of, or to impress others. Who you know is not nearly as important as how you treat them and regard their time, energy, resources, and talent. What will be memorable is the completed work, not your maneuvering and scheming to get it done for little or nothing...and there's a real possibility that, at the conclusion of the work, new friendships will be formed based on mutual respect--personally and professionally--which will leave no room for repeat opportunists or serial users.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

ACCIDENTAL GARDEN


When I finished a slice of one of the tastiest watermelons of the summer, I quite randomly washed off the seeds and tossed them in a pot of soil--and forgot about them.
Weeks later, I decided to re-pot a piece of another plant. I scooped the soil out of the pot into another container so that I could put the roots of the plant as deeply in the pot as I could. Then I replaced the soil and watered it.
The other day, I was quite surprised by what I saw made it back to the kitchen to water the plants there. The watermelon seeds had sprouted.
"Okay. Now what?" I said to myself.
I guess I'll just watch and see what happens. I'm pretty sure a bigger pot, or a plot outside will be in order very soon.
I just finished a bowl of very tasty cherries.
Hmmm...

IT'S WORK

I watched the film "Ray", and was struck by the scene where the business/road manager, Wilbur Brassfield was compensating Lowell Fulson's band. There he was holding on to what they'd earned, and them lined up like children begging for pennies. The Brassfield character acted as if the money was his. He carried on as if they didn't deserve their money; as if it was killing him to let it go. He had a rather nasty attitude, as if it he was being forced to pay people who hadn't worked at all! He treated them as if they had no rights concerning their earnings, and was always scheming to find ways to dock their pay in order to keep their money in his pocket. Clearly he forgot that if it wasn't for the band, HIS job would have been non-existent.

What IS that Mr. Hyde spirit; that fleeing spirit; that blank stare, clueless, defensive, apologetic thing that comes over people when it's time to pay up? How is it that EVERY other aspect of a thing is handled ultra professionally, rigidly, and by the book, but when it's time to pay the people who kept their end of the deal and did the work, things suddenly break down and disintegrate? When people sign on to do a job/task there should be MUTUAL gratitude. After all, one wouldn't be looking for someone to work if there wasn't any work to do, now would they?
Don't diminish workers and make them feel as if their lives depend upon the opportunity. Don't compensate people in a manner that suggests they did no work at all, or shouldn't expect to be paid.
Too often people who profit from the work others do, expect them to be thrilled about any and everything. They expect others to endure rudeness, sacrifice time, honor unreasonable demands, deplete their own resources, and come back for more. Maybe another person would jump at the opportunity you're offering, but they might also be mediocre and, unlike the person(s) you regularly misuse, take one look at their paycheck and jump across the room and punch you in your greedy, self-centered face.

If you KNOW you're not doing right by people, but they're on the job anyway, you don't get to be a raving lunatic dictator. Maybe there IS someone else who will gladly put up with foolishness and a less than welcoming atmosphere just to be in the number. Maybe there ARE those who would kill for the chance. Maybe there IS someone who will come in and happily sing, dance, shuck, jive, pick AND buy the cotton, but you didn't assign them the task now, did you?
Be mindful your tone and demeanor. Curb unreasonable demands. Don't be a nuisance. Be grateful for good, competent, consistent, cooperative people--especially when you aren't exactly forthcoming about the details of the job, or you haven't paid/ aren't going to pay, or deliberately, consciously, and consistently shortchange others for the work you expect them to do. Never get it twisted as to why people sign on to do a thing. It isn't always because they have to, need to, or have no other choice. Whatever their reason, they're there. Demand of yourself that you treat them with the utmost respect.
You don't sustain people. God does.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

WEDNESDAY THOUGHTS: HAPPY FOURTH!


In the past, I've seriously wondered if the Pentagon was supplying the fireworks around here. 
The Mall display has nothing on the spectacles folks have wrought East of the River. 

Maybe I'm speaking too soon, but the 4th of July, aka "Escape the Neighborhood Day", "Pray for Rain Day", and "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Day", when we usually play exciting, non-stop rounds of "Gunshots or Fireworks?", has been considerably quieter this year. 
(Wait! What was that?! Stop, drop and roll! Take cover!...) 
Maybe the storm had an effect on sales. 
Maybe the extreme heat is keeping the peace-destroyers indoors. 
Maybe the police and fire departments are being more vigilant about enforcing existing laws. 
Who knows. 
Should things become unbearable, however, I'll be blogging from peaceful Maryland-- where the lawmakers got it right, (at least where banning explosives is concerned) and where most of the noisemakers, who invade the nearby park-- and any available parking lot-- reside.

Happy Independence Day. Remember, rights and privileges minus responsibility, courtesy, and consideration for others equals abuse.

Last thing, watch the kids...oh, and don't embarrass yourself trying to cross Southern Avenue into PG County with your box(es) of firecrackers in your trunk. It's the first place the officer in the unmarked cruiser will look, Silly.

HOW DID YOU...?

You can be or do whatever you want. You don't need a hook up, just be it; do it, and concentrate on doing it well. Someone will notice. Wanna sing? Sing. Join a choir. Go to karaoke. Wanna play an instrument? Play. Find an "open mike night"; a class. Form a band. You don't have to pay to play, become a beggar, or overuse/ misuse the word "support". There are so many venues and lots of how-to books. You don't have to fall for the schemes and scams of people who can detect the scent of "desperation to be a star" a mile away, and have no problem using your ambition for their benefit. They call it "exposure". Look closer. It's slavery. Unfortunately, what a lot of people want is not guidance or direction, training or education, experience or respect. There's no interest in excellence. What is really desired are the keys to instant notoriety. It's not about love of the Arts at all. They want to blow up; be famous; get rich; be endorsed. They spy glitter in the lives of others, think it's gold, and get stupid. They assume others have answers and can open doors. They concentrate more on looking the part than producing a pleasing product. They're too familiar, run their mouths, and forget that people (across genres) know each other and confer regularly. What good is it to have your name on everyone's lips if the conversation is less than complimentary? Be careful how you measure success and who you choose to as an actual or dream mentor. Stop scheming. Check your demeanor. Would anyone want to recommend you/ work with you, or are your impressive skills washed away by the tsunami that is your funky attitude? Remember, social networking posts are the new resumes. Bring the kookoo krazy down a notch. What are you looking for? Only burgulars try to get in/ break in, and even they are shocked and disappointed when they gain access and find emptiness or nothing of value. Don't neglect what's really important. Rid yourself of unfounded jealousy and insecurity. Genuinely applaud others and stop viewing everyone as competition. Stop expecting people to say it's good when it isn't. Stop bullying people to listen to junk and whining about who won't share it, or promote you. What? Is God asleep? Or could it be that "God did it." is the last answer you want to hear when inquiring how someone else "made it"? Perhaps that's the problem. Trying to keep God out of His business--YOU.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

SO LONG, ANDY...



When I was a little girl, "The Andy Griffith Show" faithfully followed "I Love Lucy" in the daily morning programming. It was a favorite then, and still is. 
I own a copy of  "The Andy Griffith Show Book". I own the show's episodes on VHS and DVD. 
I think it, and other shows produced for television in the late 50's and 60's are leaps and bounds better than some of the comedic fare on television today. The writing and improvisation on the Andy Griffith Show was excellent. 
Props, and some dialogue remind you it wasn't filmed yesterday, but the content isn’t dated. It's not corny or painful to watch. The laughs are guaranteed--just as hearty as the first time--and sometimes, you just need a good laugh.

I saw the headline today and was saddened. I didn't know Mr. Griffith. Never met him, but it sure did seem as if he was an old friend, or everybody's play uncle or grandfather--the kind you wish would always be around spewing wisdom, righting wrongs, teaching values, being an example, quashing drama, keeping order, breaking into song, and spreading kindness. 

Technology is making sure we won't forget him. For his family and friends, however, it's a different situation altogether, and my heart goes out to them.

A friend was so glad there was someone else who felt the way she did. "I thought I was the only one. I mean, he's been a part of the fabric of our lives for such a long time." 

My daughter, who inherited my love of all things Mayberry sent me a message when she found out Mr. Griffith passed away. 
"This one hurts a little", she wrote. 
It really did.

There's something about the people, places and things of one's childhood--the pleasant ones--that continue to bring joy, long after one can't honestly claim any part of youth.

So long, Andy. 
Thanks for Mayberry (and Matlock, too).